Fan vs Fan

Saturday, April 30, 2011

The Pronger Prayer

Thy Holy Leader:
Christopher Robert Pronger
As we all know, I find myself frequently attending the Cult Religion of the Most Snarky Holy Lord of Elbows, Christopher Robert Pronger. Well, in what I hope because a series, Lord Pronger has taught us how to properly pray.

(Editor's Note: OK, seriously now, we're not trying to offend anyone who is religious. It's a joke, this is a comedy blog. If you haven't figured this out yet, you're probably a Mets (well shit, can't use that joke now...) Washington Nationals fan. Or someone who thinks Mike Milbury is intelligent, in which case, there's no hope for you anyway.)

Our Pronger

Our Pronger, who throws the Elbows
Hollowed be their brains
The Elbows come
The slapshots zoom
On the PP as on even Strength
Give us today, our daily snark
And forgive us for stealing pucks
As they forgive you for stealing pucks against them
And lead us not to the golf course
But deliver us to Stanley Cups

Friday, April 29, 2011

The Flyers Dictionary Translated

Many people were annoyed by the Chris Pronger injury situation. The Flyers kept announcing him as day-to-day (possibly with hurt feelings) and people didn't really understand why Chris Pronger missed so much time. Now, see the Paul Holmgren and the Flyers speak their own version of the English language. Luckily, the DGS-SuperSpies found the code to deciphering it. For your benefit as a Flyers fan, we're including some key terms here with their "Normal English" meanings

When the Flyers Organization Says: A player is day to day with a wrist injury
They Actually Intend to Say: OH DEAR GOD! His arm..blown's gonna be amputated

When the Flyers Organization Says: We like that he (Zherdev) tried to give some effort.
They Actually Intend to Say: Nikolay Zherdev is still a useless piece of crap.

When the Flyers Organization Says: Our goaltending is good enough to win.
They Actually Intend to Say: Our goaltending is good enough to win, provided we don't screw up anywhere else because the goalies aren't bailing us out of anything.

When the Flyers Organization Says: Andreas Nodl is day to day with an upper body injury.
They Actually Intend to Say: He's missing half his face, he looks like some sort of Batman villain right now.

When the Flyers Organization Says: We haven't named a starting goalie.
They Actually Intend to Say: We don't have a starting goalie.

When the Flyers Organization Says: You just never know. You just need to keep your options open and keep a dialogue going with other teams, and you never know what can come up.
They Actually Intend to Say: DAMMIT! If a real true #1 goalie hit waivers, we are SO claiming him.

When the Flyers Organization Says: Typically you need your specialty teams to be effective in order to move on.
They Actually Intend to Say: But then team's like the Boston Bruins got out of the first round.

When the Flyers Organization Says: We're testing for a possible concussion.
They Actually Intend to Say: Matt Cooke decapitated our player, what else is new?

When the Flyers Organization Says: The injury update is pending further tests.
They Actually Intend to Say: Look he's dead, OK, stop asking. Funeral arrangements will come out tomorrow.

When the Flyers Organization Says: He's day to day.
They Actually Intend to Say: He's touch and go on life support in the ICU. No one's allowed to visit

When the Flyers Organization Says: We're always looking to improve the team.
They Actually Intend to Say: We're gonna add scorers and defense, but never a goalie.

When the Flyers Organization Says: We're looking forward to the draft.
They Actually Intend to Say: It's a great day for golf because we have no picks.

When the Flyers Organization Says: Michael Leighton is available to us.
They Actually Intend to Say: He's lost his god damn mind and he's in the facility, but in a padded room.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

DGS Podcast Episode 14: Mark Trible

So instead of writing a Flyers round 2 playoff post, I got Mark Trible to come on the show.

Mark writes for the following amazing websites:

Flyers Corner Radio

The Checking Line

And of course: download the show by clicking here.

Previewing the Second Round Matchups

Just like we did for the first round, it's time to preview the other playoff series that don't involve the Flyers. So here we go.

-Western Conference-

#5 Nashville vs #1 Vancouver

How They Got Here: Nashville shot and killed a Duck, Vancouver tossed a Monkey off their back.
What to look for: Will Shea Weber's beard destroy Roberto Luongo?
Who moves on: The Predators

#2 San Jose vs #3 Detroit

How They Got Here: San Jose committed regicide, the Red Wings put some whiteout on the Coyotes
What to look for: Will Joe Thornton realize it's May BEFORE senility sets in on the Red Wings?
Who moves on: Kyle Wellwood disposes of the octopus by making calamari and eating: Sharks move on again.

-Eastern Conference-

#1 Washington vs #5 Tampa Bay

How They Got Here: Washington defeated the Rangers, TBL eliminated the PenGOONs
Who moves on: Gotta say WSH because TBL will pay for the injustice of keeping Crosby out of the NHL for 9 months?

The Flyers preview will come Saturday

More HartnellDown and Versteeg Down

Our good friend Amanda Hoffman has kept count of Hartnell Down and Versteeg Down during the playoffs as well.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Hartnell Down and Versteeg Down: Round 1 Update

To end Round 1, Hartnell Down had a count of 48 and Versteeg Down had a count of 26.

Hartnell Down 48 by the numbers

  • Shares a jersey number with linemate Danny Briere
  • Height, in inches, of Nathan Gerbe
  • Waist measurement of Kyle Wellwood
  • Amount of years the NHL would have to control the Phoenix Coyotes before Bettman would ever consider moving them back to Winnipeg
  • Times, per minute, Pierre McGuire says something about his love of Mike Richards during a TSN/NBC broadcast of a Flyers game.
  • Elbows, per period, thrown by Pronger on unsuspecting opposing forwards
  • Cigarettes smoked by Carey Price during an average intermission
  • Shots high and wide by Jeff Carter during an average shift
  • The age Teemu Selanne will be when his point total and age are the same

Versteeg Down 26 by numbers

  • Shares a number with teammate Danny Syvret, Offensive Dynamo
  • Heart attacks DGS has per game started by Sergei Bobrovsky where Bob tries to handle the puck
  • Times Andrej Meszaros blasts that big slapshot wide per game on the PP
  • Dirty hits, per period, of this postseason so far
  • Times, per minute, Jack Edwards has accused the Habs of diving during Game 7 of Habs/Bruins
  • Times, per period, someone accuses the Flyers of needing better goaltending
  • Times, per game, I see the Ovechtrick commercial on Versus
  • The amount of cents Patrick Kane probably needs to pay his cabbie
  • The amount of shots Partick Kane drinks during an average game
  • Saves Brian Boucher made during game 7 to send the Flyers to round 2...Ryan Miller then accused Brian Boucher of committing genocide
  • Difference in height, measured in centimeters, between Kris Versteeg and Tyler Myers
  • Times Jonathan Toews has his lifetime

There, now you know.

Tales from an Adirondack Nothing: The End of the Line

This one isn't a humor post, but rather an open letter to Michael Leighton.

This post from Anthony San Fillipo got us thinking.

(Editor's Note: This means the end of the line for the Leighton diary. We're not gonna kick someone when they're down like this. If Leighton gets himself together and things look up, we'll consider restarting the feature.)

Hopefully not the end...

Dear Leights,

Thank you for everything. I know the city of Philadelphia can be hard on anyone. I also know that you're really hard on yourself to perform. Last year, you saved the Flyers season. You're 3 SOs against the Habs in the Eastern Conference Finals guarantee that you will spend time in the record books as Bernie Parent's equal. That's something to be proud of. You will be forever known as the guy who brought the Flyers within 2 wins of a Cup win in 2010. You're a great guy, and for the wins we will be thankful.

It seems though that you've developed some problems both emotionally and physically. For that, I wish you the best of luck in recovering. Michael Leighton, please get well soon. I hope to see you in the NHL again someday.

Forever thankful for what you gave us,

PS: You'll still have a place in Philly Girl's heart, that's a guarantee.

Flyers Summer Tweetup and Fun

So as I tweeted out last night, I was wondering who'd be interested in some sort of summer get together of Flyers fans in July or August. Anyway, there were a lot of good responses. Basically, the 2 most common ideas were going to a Phillies game (where DGS would pull a Mike Richards and wear a Yankees hat) or playing some hockey (where DGS would probably still a pull a Mike Richards and wear a Yankees hat).

I think, why not both?

The reason I want to do this, is because there's a decent chance I could be taking a job (relax, it won't stop the blogging) in Florida. Since Florida means I won't be able to see the Flyers live regularly, I'd love to get one more chance to hang out with you guys before everything. (Hell, if I stay in Philly, I still want to hang out).

Right now, the game I'm looking at is July 23, against the San Diego Padres. (it fits my schedule between now and then).

Anyway, if you're interested in coming just send me an email:

Monday, April 25, 2011

Missing: The Flyers Power Play Unit

The Down Goes Spezza Super Spies have been busy recently. You know, doing stuff. In this case, they uncovered a list of things the Flyers are up to instead of scoring on the power play.

  • Talking about things like complex physics and atomic level chemistry

  • #Winning with Charlie Sheen
  • Making a get well card for injured defenseman like Chris Pronger, Oskars Bartulis, and Nick Boynton
  • Wondering why it's so hard to score on goalies since the team only gets to practice on Michael Leighton, Brian Boucher, Sergei Bobrovsky and Johan Backlund.
  • Debating DOOP and Bro Hymn
  • Missing Steve Whyno
  • Answering questions from DamoPunk
  • Trying to find a goalie
  • Perfecting a Criss Angel like disappearing act
  • Doing their best "Playoff Joe Thornton" impression.
  • Not being classless by scoring when up a man.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Monday, April 18, 2011

Chris Pronger's New Arm

The Down Goes Spezza Super Spies just obtained a picture of Chris Pronger's new arm. Discuss here.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

DGS Guest Post: "The Awesome Jason "Giggles" Spezza

(Editor's Note: This post is brought to you by the lovely SensDew19 who attempted to go out and defend Jason Spezza. She's a huge friend of the blog and is great to follow for Senators news. Anyway, a huge thank you to her for writing this. Hope you guys enjoy. Again, these views are the views of Dew, not of DGS.)

You’ve all seen the goals, you’ve seen the passes (hopefully forgotten the failed drop passes) and most importantly you’ve all heard those amazing giggles. You’ve seen him get bullied by media and fans for being too relaxed. You’ve seen his own GM ignore the concept of secrecy in their end of season meeting. You’ve read the trade rumours year after year after year. But there’s only one Jason Spezza and he is NOT going anywhere anytime soon.

If you’re reading this, I’m assuming you’re a huge DownGoesSpezza fan which means you have not yet experienced the meaning of a Jason Spezza fan. Hellp everyone, my name is SensDew19 and I am a Jason Spezza addict. Let me take you through a ride that you will not soon forget and hopefully convert you into what I have become.

Jason Spezza has always been so awesome, even as a baby he was awesome they picked him from hundreds of 1-year olds to model for a broadway show and afterall who wouldn’t pick such a gorgeous kid as their poster boy? Really now! Even you Spezza haters will agree, this kid is just so lovable! Did you know it took his Mom close to 2 hours to stop him from giggling at everything at the photo-shoot for minute maid? Did you also know that while I just made up the previous statement, it probably is true anyways?

Even at this young age, Spezza dropped things
so opponents just be sprung on breakaways

The modelling career ended at a young age because Jason Spezza is so awesome he realized he needed to do something that’s at his same level of epicness; enter hockey. Yes, he chose to play the most amazing game on earth. He then got drafted to the most amazing team in the NHL, and no that would not be the Philadephia Flyers because you are not that awesome and you drafted Jeff Woywitka. If you don’t know who that is, too bad cause neither do I. Moving on, ever since then the Ottawa Senators were forever changed. They were showered with giggles, amazing passes and turnovers from the most elite kind. They found someone to pinpoint all their problems on him, did you know that the entire global warming problem started because of Jason Spezza? With Ottawa media, accusations like that were not far. Year after year, he took the abuse and year after year he dealt with it with the only way he knows how:


Being a Jason Spezza fan isn’t easy, actually it could be the hardest hockey fan job ever, after being a Maple Laffs fan of course cause that’s just torture, but I wouldn’t want to be any other kind of fan. When speaking of Jason Spezza the following comes up: do you remember that stupid drop pass that cost us a goal? Do you remember how he sucked defensively a couple years back (cause obviously if you’re never given the chance to develop your defensive game, it’ll just magically appear)? Do you remember how he didn’t win the Stanley Cup? Do you remember how he played on the fourth line on Team Canada (yes Jonathan Toews was his linemate but it was the FOURTH LINE! OMG!)? They’ll tell you remember when Patrick Sharp started the DOWN GOES SPEZZA?! ;) See, when people ask me about Jason Spezz, that’s what I tell them. He is the guy that always has a smile on his face no matter what he’s gone through and what has been said about him. He is the guy that made Andrew Alberts and Sami Salo look like potted plants on the ice.

He’s the guy who took the hit for trade rumours year after year with stride and maintained his loyalty to this team even after the fans, media and occasionally management didn’t reciprocate that respect. He is the guy that had his wedding open to the entire world to witness and talk about, he made Ottawa part of his wedding! I remember the time when Jason Spezza knowing he is not even remotely close to the level of Dion Phaneuf’s fighting abilities, dropped the gloves to show him he won’t take it when he messes with his teammates (too bad that teammate turned out to be a complete jerk).

Lastly, when asked about Jason Spezza I tell people that he is the reason I fell in love with this team and game. He is the guy that cheers me up after a bad day and he is the guy that is far from perfect but I wouldn’t want him any other way. Sens fans, Flyers fans and hockey fans from around the league take a moment to appreciate the magic that is Jason Spezza!!

Disclaimer: This post does not do enough justice to what Jason Spezza is, for further proof of Spezza epicness please visit the following videos: (HEY, I was at that game) (HEY, I was at that game too! Check out the pass and Spezza reaction)


(Editor's Note: Today, DGS turns one, as in, happy birthday dear with that here's a letter from founder/editor/writer Matt.)

Dear Readers,

It's been a year of awesomeness. From watching a team that I thought would get swept in the first round of 2010 to seeing them last until game 6 of the Cup Finals, (DAMMIT LEIGHTON). Anyway, I used to know everyone who read the blog, now, there's thousands of you who come here and that makes me happy. I've gone from writing random thoughts just to say my piece, to being someone that people ask to come on podcasts. I make it a point to answer every email, tweet, Facebook message so you guys, the fans, can be informed. That's something I never thought would happen. Anyway, I've met some amazing people during this last year...I'd try to list them all, but honestly, I'd forget someone and that wouldn't be fair, so suffice it to say, if you're reading this: THANK YOU for being here.

I guess I can give out one thank you: PhillyGirl for being an awesome co-writer and giving voices to the goalies.

Go Flyers,
Down Goes Spezza aka Matt

Friday, April 15, 2011

Hartnell Down Invades A Whiteboard

A good friend of the blog, Amanda Hoffman, has apparently kept her own chart of Hartnell Down. Here's the pics. Enjoy guys.

Leave any love for Amanda in the comments section. Big props to her for taking care of this

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Hartnell Down or Versteeg Down

So as we all all know, Kris Versteeg thinks he falls more than Scott Hartnell.

This probably means that I should track Versteeg Down, so of course, I am. I'll watch the games as they happen and when Versteeg falls or Hartnell falls, one will be added to their counter. Then to make sure it's fair, I'll divide each number out to set up the Falls Per 60 minutes played ratio so we can see, who really falls more.

Were taking "Betts" now?

Who will fall more, Hartnell or Versteeg?

Who will fall more per 60 minutes, Hartnell or Versteeg?

Leave your predictions in the comment section.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

DGS Podcast Episode 12: Dave Isaac

Another day, another podcast.

Dave Isaac of Philly Sports Daily and I break down the Flyers/Sabres series and make quick picks on the other series. Listen up, it's awesome.

So give it a listen. Enjoy. Also, this proves that Dave Isaac is NOT Steve Whyno.

Oh yeah, Download it by Clicking This Link.

DGS's NHL 11 Sims the Playoffs

Pretty self explanatory, I simmed the playoffs on my NHL 11 game complete with updated rosters and such. Anyway, here's the results for anyone who's curious.

-Western Conference First Round-

#8 Chicago defeats #1 Vancouver in 6 games- Obviously because even an electronic version of Roberto Luongo fears Chelsea Dagger.

#2 San Jose defeats #7 Los Angeles in 7 games- I guess, this is actually fairly accurate. I can see it happening. Also, in the game, after losing game 1 4-1 and going down 5-0 at the end of period 1 in game 2, Antti Niemi gave way to Antero Niittymaki who would win the series and hold onto the starting role.

#6 Phoenix defeats #3 Detroit in 4 games- Apparently the snakes scared the Red Wing into deciding that maybe they should retire south for the summer.

#5 Nashville defeats #4 Anaheim in 4 games- Well the only explanation here (and proved by the 7 goals he had) is that Dan Ellis was afraid to stop Shea Weber's slapshot. (Honestly, I don't blame him).

-Eastern Conference First Round-

#8 New York Rangers defeat #1 Washington in 6 games- In related news, water's still wet, Hell's still hot, Pronger's still snarky, and the Caps can't win playoff series against anyone.

#2 Philadelphia defeats #7 Buffalo in 6 games- I kept Chris Pronger out for this series, the Flyers still won as in 6 games Danny Briere had 10 points (2G-8A) and Mike Richards had 12 points (6G, 6A) and Jeff Carter had 9 goals. No, we don't know how many times Jeff Carter scored on Lisa Hartnell, the game doesn't track that.

#6 Montreal defeats #3 Boston in 4 games- Obviously because the Montreal police arrested the entire Bruins roster before the game, also, during Game 1, Tim Thomas suffered a "broken elbow" and was out 6-8 weeks forcing Tuukka Rask into net. Take that as you will. Also of note, Boston only scored 3 goals the entire season. Greg Campbell was a -6 (worst on the team) and Montreal won every game by 1 goal with Price tossing 2 SOs.

#4 Pittsburgh defeated #5 Tampa in 6 games- Even without Matt Cooke's head shots, the Lightning beat themselves because well, they failed to scout the ECHL scrubs who have been called up by Pittsburgh this season.

-Western Conference Second Round-

#2 San Jose defeats #8 Chicago in 4 games- Chicago, having completed their divine mission, rolls over to San Jose because the Sharks apparently don't choke in May in the video game realm.

#5 Nashville defeats #6 Phoenix in 6 games- another low scoring series, another series where Shea Weber scores a lot. 4 more goals in 6 games for him. Weber's now my Conn Smythe favourite at this point with 11G and 5A in 10 games.

-Eastern Conference Second Round-

#2 Philadelphia defeats #8 New York Rangers in 7 games- King Henrik records 2 Shutouts, which is 2 more than the entire Philadelphia team from October-present. Bobrovsky however never gives up more than 2 goals per game. Also, Marion Gaborik is injured with a "broken jaw" in game 1, causing him miss games 2-7...DAMMIT PRONGER!
#6 Montreal defeats #4 Pittsburgh in 4 games- Obviously the Habs are in Marc Andre Fleury's head. Or on them, or something. Also this series featured both PK Subban and Matt Cooke each racking up 60+ PIMs in this series alone. Hopefully, this happens in real life

-Conference Finals-

West: San Jose defeats Nashville in 7 games- Shea Weber loses his power, apparently Jumbo Joe is now the "cool guy" on the block. I know, hard to believe

East: Philadelphia defeats Montreal in 4 games- Montreal implodes, the team AND the city.

-Cup Finals-

The Philadelphia Flyers defeat the San Jose Sharks in 7 games with breakdowns as follows:

  1. SJS 3 @ PHL 4 in 2OTs: Jeff Carter scores in OT unassisted to win it.
  2. SJS 5 @ PHL 1: Joe Thornton nets a hat-trick, it's bizarro world...
  3. PHL 2 @ SJS 3: Thornton nets a GWG in the third period, oddness continues.
  4. PHL 0 @ SJS 1:  Joe Pavelski from Thornton-Marleau on the PP sinks the Flyers, Niity posts a 33 save shutout. Nitty Finals shutouts 1, Flyers Shutouts dating back 1 calendar year-0
  5. SJS 2 @ PHL 9: Jeff Carter, Scott Hartnell and Chris Pronger each have hat tricks to pace the Flyers easily.
  6. PHL 3 @ SJS 1: Joe Thornton ruins the shutout at 18:55 of Period 3, DAMMIT! But Meszaros has 3 helpers to keep the Flyers going.
  7. SJS 4 @ PHL 5: The FLYERS WIN THE STANLEY CUP! Shutout Free!!

Conn Smythe Winner: Jeff Carter: 16 G 14 A in 24 games...clutch

The 10 Pronger Commandments

As many of you know, I subscribe to the Religion of Christopher Robert Pronger, or for short, Pronger Orthodox. Needless to say, I feel compelled to share the 10 Commandments of Pronger for his imminent return and therefore, the impending doom of the Buffalo Slugs Sabres.

  1. Chris is the Lord of the Elbows, you shall not have other elbows besides Chris.
  2. Thou shalt only answer media with vain comments.
  3. Remember to keep holy thy Pronger shift. (And make sure holey goalies, like Leighton are hidden)
  4. Honor thy Pronger, and his Elbows
  5. Thou shalt not kill with thy elbows, we're not Matt Cooke here
  6. Thou shalt not commit adultery, unless of course you're doing it to get a trade out of Edmonton
  7. Thou shalt steal the puck. During, or after the game is acceptable.
  8. Thou shalt not bear false elbows against thy neighbor, sometimes though, Crosschecks work too.
  9. Thou shalt not covet thy opposing center, rather elbow him instead.
  10. Thou shalt not covet thy opposing goalie, rather fight him instead.

Now you know

Monday, April 11, 2011

The Western Conference Quarter Finals

I did this last year and I'm doing it again this year, previewing the Western Conference playoff series to make sure you know how to be with your NHL playoff bracket.

#1 Vancouver vs #8 Chicago

What you need to know about Vancouver: Roberto Luongo fears the United Center

What you need to know about Chicago: Patrick Kane's still drunk from June 2010

Who's gonna win?- Chelsea Dagger stabs the Canucks again, Chicago wins in 6

#2 San Jose vs #7 Los Angeles

What you need to know about San Jose: Joe Thornton hasn't been that it's playoff time yet.

What you need to know about Los Angeles: Terry Murray and John Stevens are running their bench

Who's gonna win? Gotta be San Jose, Thornton won't see a calendar...and do you REALLY think a team with John Stevens on their bench has a playoff run in them?

#3 Detroit vs #6 Winnipeg Hamilton Quebec City Phoenix

What you need to know about Detroit: Detroit's roster remembers playing in the NHL before the NHL was in Winnipeg...come to think of it, I'm pretty sure the Red Wings remember the last time the Ottawa Senators won a Stanley Cup

What you need to know about Phoenix: Biz-Nasty plays for them, which means this series will have the most interesting tweets.

Who's gonna win? Since there's obviously no such thing as hockey in Phoenix...Detroit wins

#4 Anaheim vs #5 Nashville

What you need to know about Anaheim: They have 5 star players, Getzlaf, Perry, Ryan, Selanne and Visnovsky...but they're goalie is Dan Ellis and his backup is the #DanEllisProblems

What you need to know about Nashville: They're goalie is kinda huge...and not like Tim Thomas or Marty Brodeur. Also, they have a defenseman with a giant slapshot...wait...huge goalie...D-man with a 104+MPH slapshot...are you SURE we're not talking about the Bruins? Apparently, yes,  I can confirm, Nashville has a hockey team...and Mike Fisher-Underwood plays for them. Ok, something everyday.

Who's Gonna win? Nashville, because Dan Ellis will refuse to stop Shea Weber's slapshot.

Analzying the Numbers: Hartnell Down

So as we all know, Scott Hartnell falls, a lot. And as we know, I count this with Seth, it's the Twitter hashtag #HartnellDown.

Anyway, the final was number was 241. So, now we're gonna look at the number 241 and compare it to the NHL

  • 241>215, the most points in a season, set by Wayne Gretzky
  • 241<255, the weight, in pounds, of professional goon Bruins Defenseman Zdeno Chara
  • 241>222, Scott Hartnell's career regular season assist total
  • 241>125 Gary Bettman's IQ....cubed
  • 241<307 The amount of PIMs that Zenon Konopka had this year, 241 would good for second place, as Classless F**k**g Douchebag err...rather...Jody Shelley's punching bag Chris Neil
  • 241<367 The amount of shots on net taken by Alex Ovechkin to lead the league, 241 would be good for #30, between John Taveres and Radim Vrbata
  • 241<500,000,000 the amount of times Jeff Carter has shot high and wide
  • 241>17, the amount of games Matt Cooke could be suspended for this year if the PenGoons last 7 games against Tampa.
  • 241<245 The amount of games Paul Maurice overstayed his welcome in Toronto.
  • 241<~578,000 The amount of people in Vancouver who fell over crying when the Wild beat the Stars.
  • 241>0, the amount of people who think Roberto Luongo didn't crap himself when the Wild beat the Stars

Thanks for reading, tomorrow, we look at Hartnell Down as an average and what it means.

2.94 Hartnell Downs per game is comparable to the following things

  • Amount of women Jeff Carter or Mike Richards sleeps with during a post game party

  • Amount of orgasms per second caused by a Claude Giroux deke

  • Amount of times Pierre McGuire thinks about Mike Richards per second of a Flyers broadcast

  • Amount of Elbows Chris Pronger throws per shift

  • Amount of heart attacks Peter Laviolette has per game because of Bobrovsky's puck handling.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

The Curious Case of the Flyers Leadership Problem (Another Editorial)

(Editor's Note: Matt originally wrote this piece for another site that he writes for, it was so popular there and sparked a lot of positive discussion that we thought it best to double post it here for the DGS regulars. If you want to read the article at its original location click here)

A lot of people have recently began to loudly and vocally question whether or not Mike Richards should be wearing the "C" in Philadelphia. These people are mostly angry Flyers fans who seem to think that Richards is the sole holder of the blame of the Flyers struggles over the last 20 games. But is Mike Richards really the problem? I say not exactly.

First off, let's look at what wearing the "C" on your sweater actually means from a league perspective. The "C" is used to define who the captain of the team is. This means that the player with the "C" has the responsibility of delegating with the referees over disputed calls, communicating messages from the coach to the referees or scorers bench or timekeeper or penalty box staff. This is it, there's no provision that the "C" has to be 'pleasant' to the media. There's no provision that the "C" has to be excessively vocal or score 80 points a season. There's NO provision that a "C" has to like the city's baseball team. Richards handles his assigned duties well, and he's respected in the lockerroom by his teammates, coaches and GM.

So, what is the problem then? Well, I personally began to think, what if there are too many cooks in the Flyers kitchen. Now, I already mentioned Richards, but let's look at some of the other people in and around the Flyers.

Peter Laviolette is a very hands on, outspoken, active coach who doesn't mix words and tends to keep secrets from the media, and probably his players too, even though I cannot prove that.

Chris Pronger is a vocal, loud leader who isn't afraid to call teammates out while wearing the "A" for alternate captain.

Kimmo Timonen has recently taking to calling for hustle and urgency from his teammates in his straight to the point style.

Sean O'Donnell is a 39 year old veteran who's won a cup, when Pronger is being sarcastic to the media, SOD is usually the guy giving detailed answers to the media because of Richards media shortcomings and Pronger's massive use of sarcasm and snark.

Danny Briere is a former Captain of the Buffalo Sabres. His scoring touch and willingness to handle the French speaking media has been helpful to the team as he's the most experienced Francophone on the team. Also, his skill in the playoffs, even being called Mr Playoffs makes people look to him as a person who should be emulated during crunch time.

Jody Shelley's another player who, like OD, has a respected veteran voice in the lockerroom. This voice is why Lavi refused to scratch him during the middle of the season.

During the preseason, the following players wore "A"s: Braydon Coburn, Claude Giroux, Blair Betts, Darroll Powe and Scott Hartnell.

That's 10 players with leadership experience when there's 20 players on the ice. That's 50% of the team. Each person has their own unique style and while they seem to work together, and for sure intend to work together, are they somehow actually causing detriment to the team. Are they actually corrupting young and new players like Bartulis, Meszaros, Versteeg, Zherdev, Carcillo and the rest of that other half of the team.

To me the phrase "Too many cooks in the kitchen ruins the soup" comes to mind here. All of these guys together, no matter how hard they try, are not going to be 100% unified on every issue. Not only that, but the more "leaders" and "alpha personalities" in one room, the more likely that small issues will actually be big issues if the natural egos of leaders start rubbing together. There's something to be said about having a small corps of leaders, and maybe the Flyers recent struggles have lasted so long because the team's leadership had too many different ideas on how to stop it. It's a slippery slope, and quite honestly, none of us are in that lockerroom all the time to really know what's going on, but this playoff run will truly test this group. If they can get it together, this team has the talent to go far, if not, maybe, the solution is trading these "leaders" for solid players with more passive personalities so the committed long term leaders like Richards and Carter who will wear the orange and black for another decade, can really lead this team.

Maybe that's the answer, or maybe I'm just crazy.

PKLC...err Mile High Sticking beat DGS

Dear World,

Today I concede defeat to someone far better at fantasy than I. Jaye from PKLC MHS has beaten me at Fantasy Hockey in the greatest god damn disaster of a league that choked harder than the Boston Bruins  in the 2010 playoffs league of all time. Luckily since the bet was DGS vs PKLC I feel like I don't actually have to write anything nice about Jaye. That being said, I will.

Jaye is awesome. See, his Avalanche totally suck. Craig Anderson is tearing it up in Ottawa gone and Jaye's handling this like Bruce Boudreau sans ice cream a total professional. Sure he cries himself to sleep on a nightly basis misses Kevin Shattenkirk and Chris Stewart but he's totally depressed making the best of it.

So, before Jaye has more issues, I'll post a photo of his favourite moment from the last 10 years.

So Jaye, enjoy.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Team Phobias in the Playoffs

We all know that hockey players are a superstitious bunch. They love their rituals like playoff beards, not saying that word that's apparently constantly said in Flyerdom etc... Anyway teams also have phobias for the playoffs as well. Being that DGS lives around hockey, and has the DGS-SuperSpies always watching, I've obtained a list of phobias that some players or teams have going into this post season.

The Vancouver Canucks fear:
Chelsea Dagger, Patrick Kane, Chelsea Dagger, Patrick Sharp, Chelsea Dagger, Jonathan Toews (and the fact that he's freaking creepy as hell), Chelsea Dagger, The Chicago Blackhawks, Chelsea Dagger, games in the United Center, Chelsea Dagger.

The San Jose Sharks fear:
Joe Thornton seeing a calendar

The Philadelphia Flyers fear:
Michael Leighton's god damn 5 hole being involved in a game, going on the Powerplay, having a playoff caliber goaile, Mike Richards being nice to the media after a loss, Nikolay Zherdev playing 'defense'.

The Chicago Blackhawks fear:
Patrick Kane in a bar, Jonathan Toews being exposed as a Vulcan Android, John Scott seeing ice time.

The Pittsburgh Penguins fear:
Brent Johnson thinking that his teammates play for NYI when Pens wear the blue sweaters, Matt Cooke missing a blindside hit on an opponent and taking out a teammate, being exposed as an AHL team without Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin

The Montreal Canadiens fear:
Tall people, stanchions, Zdeno Chara, nothing at all because someone's burning that city down.

The Boston Bruins fear:
Zdeno Chara's impending arrest in Montreal, Short people, leads involving the number 3

The Washington Capitals fear:
The first round of the playoffs, someone taking ice cream away from Boudreau, not being able to grab their sack.

The Detroit Red Wings fear:
Youth, Missing Nap Time, cuts to Social Security payouts.

The Anaheim Ducks fear:
Teemu Selanne remembering his age, Corey Perry deciding that he's bored with being awesome, Ryan Getzlaf growing hair.

The Phoenix Coyotes fear:
Being noticed, Losing BizNasty's twitter account again because without it- no one knows they exist.

The LA Kings fear:
Puns involving Jonathan Quick, Jarrett Stoll being switched for Jared Staal

The Tampa Bay Lighting fear:
Karma for the Matt Walker deal, Rick Tocchet and Brian Lawton returning, Dwayne Roloson forgetting to drink from the Fountain Of Youth every day, Steve Downie remembering he's Steve Downie, Steven Stamkos deciding that Joe Thornton is his playoff idol.

The Nashville Predators fear:
Carrie Underwood pulling Mike Fisher-Underwood off the team to help with her music career, Barry Trotz growing a neck, Shea Weber hitting a teammate with a slapshot, Ryan Suter becoming Ron Sutter.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Things Steve Yzerman Also Wants This Offseason

Recently Steve Yzerman said that he would ask all Lightning players to wear visors starting next season. What most people don't know is that Yzerman also had another list of demands that he made of us players. Now, because Don't Trade Vinny has been out of it recently, I took it upon myself to send the DGS-SuperSpies to find out what else was on that list. Luckily, they obtained me a copy of the list which I will now share with each of you.

  • That Marty St. Louis grow to an appropriate an NHL height of 4 feet tall.
  • That the media ignore any all relevant Lightning stories and replace them with possible trade rumors involving Vincent Lecavalier to the Montreal Canadiens
  • Acquiring Chris Pronger and Sergei Bobrovsky from the Flyers for Mike Smith
  • That the Montreal Canadiens trade Carey Price to the Lightning for Dan Ellis's remaining problems in Tampa.
  • That the media actually talk about how the Tampa Bay Lightning are an NHL team and not some figment of your imagination.
  • Tampa becomes Detroit-south by changing their uniforms to red and white and putting a winged wheel on the center crest.
  • Someone offers a 2nd round pick for Dominic Moore
  • A defense
  • A goalie who's younger than his head coach

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Tales from a Philadelphia Press Box: Do Over Anyone?

My Darling Glove -

Well - we cleared waivers. That's right, I'm back in orange and black - okay, I was always in orange and black, I've just ditched the purple. I'm officially back on the Flyers' roster. Granted, I'm a third goalie again - just here for depth, but it still feels good. I'm joining the team in Buffalo tomorrow. I heard it snowed there today - it will be like I never left Glens Falls.

Right away, Lavy deemed Bob the starter for Friday (a whole two days in advance, really?) - and then said Bob and Boosh were the guys for the playoffs. Yeah, I get it. Don't want to deal with me. Tough luck, I'm here anyway. Maybe something will go my way, maybe it won't - but for now, I'm going to enjoy living in a city again. The Phantoms season was pretty much over anyway.

Of course, if they wanted to see if they could get a shutout in their last two games, they might be better served putting me in between the pipes...just saying. And of course, against the Islanders, I'd like to see DiPietro try to fight me - come on down buddy, I'll break the other side of your face. No problem.

Anyway, I'm just happy to be here. I mean nothing could taint this moment for me, it's just so wonderful to be in the NHL aga- oh crap, I have to start paying escrow again. #DanEllisProblems.

Hugs and a Slightly Lighter Wallet,


Tales from an Adirondack Nothing: Lucky #13

Hell Yes Glove -

Who the hell cares what happened last week - I'm on re-entry waivers! It's about time. Okay, okay. I'm going to go crazy if I just sit around trying to imagine what's going to happen in 24 hours. Will I still be a Flyer? If not, who's going to claim me? And if I do get claimed, how am I entertaining myself for the off-season that is starting a week early.

So, might as well recap my 13th and final week in the AHL - at least I'm going out on top.

Started the week on the bench while Johan took on the Albany Devils. That did not go so well. He let up six goals (though they weren't all his fault) and we lost 6-2. Not a good way to open the week.

Friday was April Fools Day - such a fun day - not. A site in Philly posted a nice joke about my changing glove hands to try to get back into the NHL. Yeah, like I would ever replace you with a glove for another hand. Worse, people actually believed them. Society has lost its damn mind. We get the last laugh though, you and me glove - we're heading back to the big time - together.

Friday we also took on the Devils again - kind of a shooting gallery. The team exploded for nine goals - I let up five. Of course, in fairness to me, one was a penalty shot and one Jancevski shot right at me. I wasn't ready for my own defense to shoot on me. D'on. We won, so I guess that's all that matters. Certainly wasn't a night for goalies.

Saturday was much better. Played the Crunch - a team we pretty much dominate. Shut them out. That's right - shut out #4 on the season and #33 in my AHL career. Needless to say, I was the first star of the game. I just keep racking them up. After the game, they auctioned the jerseys off our backs. Mine went for $1,000 - can you believe it? Who wants that? Feels nice though.

On Monday, we played the Rochester Americans. The boys exploded for another six goals, including a hat trick for my roomie, Hamel. As for me, you know, just another shutout. Number five on the season, 34 all-time. Not a bad way to go out if you ask me. And as always, many thanks to the fans in Glen Falls. They welcomed me with open arms and cheered for me day in and day out. They've been great and I'm glad I could give them a shutout and a win in my farewell game.

Okay, back to wondering what tomorrow will bring. So for now - here's to the night. I'm going to celebrate. Come tomorrow, I'm back in the NHL.

Hugs and Nervous Smiles,


Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Tales from an Adirondack Nothing: The Waiting Is the Hardest Part

Well Glove -

My times has come. I got the call up today. I officially went on re-entry waivers at noon today. Now it's going to be a long 24-hours. See, who knows where I'm going to be in 24 hours. If I clear, I go to the Flyers and I'm back on the roster. I even hear they are interested in my starting against Buffalo on Friday. How awesome would that be? Maybe I could finally get them a shutout - 'cause you know, I have five in 29 games and Boosh and Bob have none in 79 games.

Of course, I might not clear. I could be claimed. If I'm claimed, then I can't play this season for the claiming team. They're claiming me for next year - or to screw the Flyers over. I'm a little scared that Ottawa will take me - just what I need, to be stuck behind Craig Anderson again. For joy of joys.

So while we wait, let's recap my love/hate relationship with the waiver wire:

1. 2005: Waived by Hawks 'cause I was the third goalie, coach hated me - I cleared, but then got traded to Buffalo.
2. 2006: Anaheim waived me to send me to the AHL as the depth goalie. I cleared.
3. 2006: Anaheim put me on re-entry waivers when both their roster goalies were injured, but Nashville claimed me.
4. 2007: After 20 minutes with Nashville, I got waived again and claimed by the Flyers.
5. 2007: The Flyers traded for Marty Biron, so I got waived and claimed by Montreal.
6. 2009: Carolina waived me in favor of Manny Legace. No one claimed me.
7. 2009: Carolina tried to help me out by putting me on re-entry waivers in hopes that someone would take me at half price - and the Flyers did. You know the rest of that year.
8. 2011: The Flyers waived me after I returned from back surgery. I cleared and reported to the Phantoms. Been kicking ass and taking names ever since.
9. 2011: Currently sitting on re-entry waivers hoping no one takes me and ends my season.

So there you have it. My stomach will be in knots for the next 24 hours. For joy. I'll try to write about week 13 while I wait. We'll see what happens.

By the way - they told me during the team photo - awkward!

Hugs and Chewed Fingernails,


Monday, April 4, 2011

DGS Podcast Episode 11A: Laura

Another week, after a week off we recorded a marathon episode with Laura from The Active Stick. Seriously, it's so long I'm gonna release it in 3 parts between now and the weekend.

We talk about a lot of things, but most of our conversation stemmed from this post of Laura's on her site about finding sanity in the world

The other major talking point we had was how to attract new fans to the game. Give it a listen, give us feedback.

(Editor's Note: I have been hearing that the embedded HTML code for the audio isn't showing up, I'm trying to get this fixed, please be patient.)