Fan vs Fan

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

NHL Christmas Letters

It's 5 days before Christmas, and it seems that the DGS Super Spies have found letters to Santa from hockey players all over the world....we're re-printing some for you here.

From: Paul Holmgren

Dear Santa,

Can you give me a calculator? Everyone tells me I need to learn something called math.


From: The Florida Panthers

Dear Santa,

Can you make the league take us seriously? We're like in first place and all...

The Florida Panthers

From: Caps GM George McPhee

Dear Santa,

I'm trying to get to the conference finals for a change, but I also want to Fail For Nail. Can you help me with that?


Rick Nash and Jarome Iginla oddly wrote the same thing

Dear Santa,

Can I finally play for an NHL team? Please!


From Steve Mason:

Dear Santa,

I want a pony, a chance to play in the AHL and my talent back.


From Dwayne Roloson

Dear Santa,

Get Teemu to share his Fountain with me again.


From Peter Laviolette

Dear Santa,

I'm calling timeout and taking 30 seconds to make sure this letter is delivered perfectly.

Now, I want a goalie. A real goalie. A goalie who gives me consistent .925 SV%'s. I got Bryzgalov this summer instead. So I need to make sure this happens. Also; can you take out the 35+ provision in the CBA, we need to remove Pronger somehow. Thank you again for your cooperation.


The Buffalo Sabres

Dear Santa,

Can you bring us Ville Leino? Not this scrub who claims to be Ville but is not very good at hockey.


From Roberto Luongo,

Dear Santa,

Last year, I asked that the Canucks find a way to succeed in spite of my choking. I didn't actually mean for you to find Cory Schneider.


From Lou Lamoriello

Dear Santa,

Bah, humbug. Get through my trap, then dodge my jelly. Then find me a way to sign Zach Parise.


From Tim Thomas

Dear Santa,

Donuts. Lots of them.


Tuesday, December 6, 2011

NHL Conference Names

With the NHL Realignment coming in, there are 4 conferences and 0 divisions. Now comes the hard part, naming them. Luckily we here at DGS have some ideas. Feel free to add in your own as well.

The Idea- Norris, Patrick, Campbell, Adams
Pros- These familiar names would show the NHL returning to tradition and these names would make sense to die hard fans.
Cons- This idea makes sense, therefore the NHL would never use it.

The Idea- Pacific, Central, Mid-Atlantic, East
Pros- These names would fit the geography of the league, making it easy for casual fans to know which conference their team plays in.
Cons- This also makes too much sense for Gary Bettman to consider it.

The Idea- Never on NBC (Coyotes), Rarely on NBC (Chicago), HNiC (Toronto), VERSUS NIGHTLY! (Flyers)
Pros- This would be perfectly accurate in describing how television deals would work.
Cons- Actually, Gary Bettman would use this, except that the names would be ruined by the impending relocation of Phoenix to the new Markham, Ontario arena.

The Idea- Orr (Toronto), Lemieux (New Jersey), Howe (Detroit), Gretzky (Coyotes)
Pros- There really aren't any...except if you look at Bobby Orr, Mario Lemieux, Gordie Howe and Wayne Gretzky of the Oilers instead of the following guys:
Cons- Naming a conference after a current hockey player goon (Colton Orr), a terrible coach (Gretzky), a Flyers Hall of Famer who played for the Red Wings (Mark Howe) and Claude Lemieux (Dirty NJ Devils forward) make no sense.

The Idea- Los Angeles Kings, Red Wings-Hawks, Colie Campbell's Kid, $$$$$
Pros- Accurately describes the most publicized parts of each conference
Cons- Do the $$$$$ refer to Ilya Kovalchuk, Ilya Bryzgalov, Glen Sather's contracts to Richards and Redden, Rick DiPietro or someone else?

Friday, December 2, 2011

NHL Announces the non suspension of John Carlson for headshotting Matt Cooke

Well, luckily, the DGS SuperSpies actually caught the reason why Brendan Shanahan elected not to suspend Matt Cooke for the headshot he received from John Carlson the other night.

(Please Note: we are grateful there were no serious injuries on the play. Carlson's elbow should be good to go forever, and Cooke was only faking injury to draw a call)