NHL Lockout Survival Kits

In an effort to help NHL fans survive the lockout, we here at DGS have decided to build NHL-Lockout Survival Kits to help each fan base through the lockout. Just find your team's line and see what you need and how to use it.

Pacific Division:

:Los Angeles Kings:

Items Needed-Stanley Cup poster, List of bars in LA, Flyers 2006 roster sheet
What to Do-Party with Mike Richards and Jeff Carter, laugh at Bobby Clarke for thinking Robert Esche was all he needed in goal

:Anaheim Ducks:

Items Needed- a laptop, a credit card
What to Do- subscribe to TeemuTV, watch Teemu...we know it's the only reason you follow this team.

:Phoenix Coyotes:

Items Needed-Lists of homes, jobs and living costs for the following cities: Quebec City (also requires French-English dictionary), Saskatoon, Seattle, Hamilton, Kansas City
What to Do-Sorry, this is an NHL fans survival kit, not an NHL team

:Dallas Stars:

Items Needed-laptop, YouTube link to Brett Hull's goal
What to Do-what you've been doing since 1999, rubbing it in Buffalo's face

:San Jose Sharks:

Items Needed-A room with locked windows, a ton of lottery tickets and an empty wallet/bank account
What to Do-Accept a new reality of no money, no doors and no windows and frequent draft lotteries



Northwest Division

:Vancouver Canucks:

Items Needed-Construction Equipment
What to Do-Just rebuild your city without rioting, okay? Please, pretty please.

:Calgary Flames:

Items Needed-Season Tickets, a sense of self loathing
What to Do-Relax, the lockout will allow the Flames to undo mistakes like Matt Stajan and letting Kipper and Iggy age

:Edmonton Oilers:

Items Needed-Shovels, pitchforks and a mob mentality
What to Do-Your team is being relocated to Seattle, build yourself an arena in Edmonton to keep them.

:Colorado Avalanche:

Items Needed-Denver Broncos tickets, Peyton Manning jersey
What to Do-Look, I'm not sure what to do either, but at least the Broncos sent crap away and acquired an over the hill future hall of fame player.

:Minnesota Wild:

Items Needed-Glitter Berries, the inability to shame
What to Do-Not blame your team for this lockout despite the fact that they basically caused it.




Central Division

:Detroit Red Wings:

Items Needed-A midnight train going anywhere
What to Do-Because seriously, no Lidstrom, no Suter, no Weber and an idiot owner who calls players cattle...just get out of there now.

:Columbus Blue Jackets:

Items Needed-A sense of relief
What to Do-Be thankful the Jackets aren't in last place. Yet.

:St Louis Blues:

Items Needed-A sense of reality, Jaroslav Halak, a giant landfill for every calculator in St. Louis
What to Do-Wait patiently for the end the lockout and make sure not to watch any of Brian Elliot's implosions in other cities.

:Chicago Blackhawks:

Items Needed-Breathalyzer, Camera
What to Do-Play a new game called "guess the over/under on Patrick Kane's BAC at any given time" or "snap a picture of Jon Toews showing human emotion" also feel free to make a joke at the expense of Leighton's 5 hole.

:Nashville Predators:

Items Needed-Your checkbook, debit card, and all banking information
What to Do-Send it David Poile, he needs to pay Weber somehow.


Southeast Division

:Washington Capitals:

Items Needed-A time machine
What to Do-Ask yourself, "what did I do in before 2005?" then do that.

:Winnipeg Jets:

Items Needed-Nothing
What to Do-It's not like you didn't go 15 years or so without a team....

:Tampa Bay Lightning:

Items Needed-A subscription to www.DontTradeVinny.com
What to Do-Get Matt to start writing again, apparently he's locked out from blogging. His twitter handle is @DontTradeVinny.

:Florida Panthers:

Items Needed-Not applicable as Panthers fans do not exist.
What to Do- Not applicable as Panthers fans do not exist.

:Carolina Hurricanes:

Items Needed-A list of every Hurricanes fan ever. As provided by me, which is easy since there's like 4 of you and one of you is my girlfriend.
What to Do- make these people laugh
SilentShadow36 This is Kaitlin, my girlfriend...I got her covered...no worries
WardoSaysNo Warning NSFW
Nikki Something food related...I think
Caniac Mum She's a mom and she likes the 'Canes.


Northeast Division

:Toronto Maple Leafs:

Items Needed-A sense of reality
What to Do-Get Brian Burke fired already

:Montreal Canadiens:

Items Needed-QMJHL season ticket packages
What to Do-Watch the kids play...yes, they're kids, I know they're bigger than the Habs top line, but they're really kids. No, I'm not BS-ing you

:Ottawa Senators:

Items Needed-OHL season ticket packages
What to Do-Watch the kids play...yes, they're kids, I know they're not as dirty as Chris Neil

:Boston Bruins:

Items Needed-A Tim Thomas-Rational Thought Dictionary
What to Do-Actually, I think finding that item is impossible, so I don't need to think of another Tim Thomas joke.

:Buffalo Sabres:

Items Needed-Video of Brett Hull's 1999 goal
What to Do-Rationalize that the correct 1999 goal means a Sabres Stanley Cup win despite the fact that even if the call was reversed the Sabres would STILL need to win BOTH games 6 and 7.




Atlantic Division

:New York Islanders:

Items Needed-Nothing
What to Do-Just stake out Barclays Center in Brooklyn so when tickets go on sale in 2015, you're ready.

:New York Rangers:

Items Needed-Happy thoughts
What to Do-Pray the cap rollback and salary rollback doesn't force the Rangers to trade Henrik Lundqvist to wherever the Coyotes end up for Mike Smith

:New Jersey Devils:

Items Needed-The ability to support 200lbs on your back
What to Do-Hope the fact that a 200lb man sitting on you during at event at Prudential Center doesn't break you.

Alternate Devils fan Kit: Ask @NonAmericanHero for television advice.

:Pittsburgh Penguins:

Items Needed-A time machine
What to Do-Just like Caps fans, it's time to do what you did before 2005.

:The Flyers:

Items Needed-Your hockey budget
What to Do-If you live in Philadelphia, support your ECHL affiliate up in Trenton, I'm up there for a ton of games so drop by and meet me...I sign autographs, they're totally worthless but hey...you read this post, right?

Daria Meets the NHL

As many of you know, I've recently become obsessed with the show Daria. It got me thinking, what if NHL players/personalities were actually Daria characters.



Daria Morgendorfer: the protagonist of the show, she's quick-witted, intelligent and loves to troll.

Here is Daria trolling her own sister...



Remind you of someone....Daria Morgendorfer is Chris Pronger.



Brittany: The clueless dumb blonde cheerleader stereotype. She has no redeeming social value or intelligence or talent....


Remind you of someone....Brittany is any goon...


Trent Lane: Jane's underachieving, lazy, older brother. He plays in a band called Mystik Spyral. He doesn't have a real job,


Sadly you can't embed the video: http://youtu.be/COBuDtR8Fis 
It's Trent accepting an alternate plan, of sitting around doing nothing because Jane and Daria won't trust him to actually do anything complicated despite Trent being the only "adult" in the situation...

As my girlfriend is a CaroLOLna Hurricanes fan, I know that Trent is.....TOMAS KABERLE!




Jane Lane: Jane is Daria's best friend. She also attempts to BE Daria a few times despite not being as smart. They're an inseparable pair.




Since Daria is Chris Pronger and Jane is trying to be her, Jane Lane is.... Matt Carle, Ryan Suter, Shea Weber, Andrej Meszaros, Andreas Lilja, Luke Schenn....oh dear god the Flyers defense is totally screwed.



Mr. DeMartino:  The angry, misanthropic, self loathing history teacher.

Sorry: again, lack of embedding... http://youtu.be/4Md0bGSrzlw

Angry, snarky when asked questions by those who are SUPPOSED to ask questions...oh my god it's John Tortorella.


Tiffany: Member of the fashion club, complete idiot.





Let's see, dumb quotes, dumb explanations that make no sense... Tiffany is every NHL referee ever.



Quinn Morgendorfer: Daria's sister. Fashion club member. User of boys.

Quinn is, quite simply, a puck bunny.




Jake Morgendorfer: Daria's dad. He has big dreams, but never quite reaches potential.


Here's Jake not moving the Pentagon...

Jake has big dreams, but never really materializes...just like the Lockout to Lockout Toronto Maple Leafs.


Helen Morgendorfer: Daria's mom. She's business driven but totally clueless as to her own family...




Wait a second, somewhat nuts, moody and withdrawn but dedicated to her craft...it's Mike Richards



Kevin Thompson: Brittany's boyfriend and the stereotypical football player.

He's an oil-typhoon...or as Gary Bettman prays, the next owner of the Coyotes.



Well, stop standing on my neck, the post is over. ALRIGHT! *turns on Pigskin Channel*

Flyers Goaltending Fun

Honestly, I'm sorry I don't update as often as I should here...but hopefully there's a few of you who keep coming back and hoping for new content.

I was on Hockey-Reference earlier to look up one thing, and I got bored and ended up looking up another...and I found something interesting...

The Flyers goalie carousel wasn't a problem.

Yes, the Flyers have had a revolving door of goalies post lockout and pre-Bryz with 11 goaltenders playing a game per hockey reference.

But, I learned something as well...

I took the numbers of the clear cut starting goalies on the list which was, for this experiment, defined as anyone with 42 or more games played, so Biron's 1 to Niity's 6, and took the combined Save % of these goalies which is .908


So then I added up the games played of those goalies and got 328, so I did another search another on hockey reference and found a list of goalies who played in the same or more games with an equal or greater SV% and I got this list...

12 Goalies would be an improvement over the Flyers situation in the same sample size. Just twelve. And guess what, the Flyers current starting goaltender is Ilya Bryzgalov and he posted a .915SV% over the same time period which ranks him nicely between Ryan Miller and Martin Brodeur with ~80 fewer games played over the same time period.



What I gathered from this piece is quite simple- the Flyers goaltending situation should regress based on math going forward, Bryz's bad season was a fluke and he's going to get better.

The Diary of Evgeni Malkin

I score lots of goal

I win nice trophy!

I have hot girlfriend

I got owned by a 19 year old rookie...

Building the 2012-13 Flyers

So, like I did a couple weeks ago, where I built the "perfect" team, let's have a look what I would do to the Flyers in 2012-13.

Luckily: Cap Geek had the answer


CAPGEEK.COM CAP CALCULATOR

FORWARDS
Scott Hartnell ($4.200m) / Claude Giroux ($3.750m) / Jakub Voracek ($3.250m)
Wayne Simmonds ($1.750m) / Brayden Schenn ($3.110m) / Daniel Briere ($6.500m)
Matt Read ($0.900m) / Sean Couturier ($1.375m) / Zach Parise ($6.250m)
Zac Rinaldo ($0.544m) / Maxime Talbot ($1.750m) / Tom Sestito ($0.650m)
Eric Wellwood ($0.580m)

DEFENSEMEN
Kimmo Timonen ($6.333m) / Braydon Coburn ($4.500m)
Ryan Suter ($5.500m) / Shea Weber ($6.500m)
Erik Gustafsson ($0.900m) / Matt Carle ($4.500m)
Andreas Lilja ($0.737m)

GOALTENDERS
Sergei Bobrovsky ($1.750m) / Josh Harding ($2.000m)

CAPGEEK.COM TOTALS (follow @capgeek on Twitter)
(these totals are compiled using the bonus cushion)
SALARY CAP: $68,000,000; CAP PAYROLL: $67,330,277; BONUSES: $3,555,000
CAP SPACE (22-man roster): $4,224,723

So, how did I get here?

1: 68M cap comes from a story ESPN's LeBrun put on twitter in December, cool?

2: Amnesty Buyout: Ilya Bryzgalov. Bye Bryz! Why you heff to be bad?

3: Sign Zach Parise-8 year deal 6.25 cap hit.

4. Trade JvR+Mesz+2 firsts+rights to Bourdon+Niko Hovinen for RFA rights to Shea Weber aand UFA rights to Ryan Suter. Does NSH actually do that deal? maybe, if Suter claims to not want to resign, he might, and JvR is worth losing for gaining the best D-pair in hockey. Sign each to 6 year deals with the cap hits listed. Don't forget, Nashville has pay Pekka Rinne the moon starting next season.

5: Pronger is on LTIR. Let's circumvent the cap for 6 more years using LTIR.

6: Resign Matt Carle, 6 years at 4.5M. Front load the contract hope it works out. Carle's worth about 5.5-6.5 on the open market...he NEEDS to take a home town discount.

7: Sign Josh Harding for 2M, if he and Bob are healthy, they are 2 solid up and coming goalies in the league. Best part is, if not, both have movable contracts to get a veteran rental come trade deadline.

8: See what happens

Just How Would I Build a Team

One of the things I've recently been asked about a lot is just how I'd build a team. And usually I explain it in the terms that I know, but today, I've started really getting into the idea of actually building a team, as in, going out, and putting the players together who embody the attributes that I'd put into my team. So with that, here we go, the DGS guide to building a perfect NHL 23-man roster that is cap-compliant.

Here are the rules for how I did this:

1: I need to get 23 players on the roster, with a minimum of 12 forwards-6D-2 goalies
2: The 23 man roster MUST be cap compliant/all cap numbers will reflect the 2011-12 cap hits of players.
3: All players must be "reasonably healthy" so LTIR players like Pronger and Savard aren't eligible
4: I also needed to pick 4-6 "injury callups."
5: The team's goalies must be 1 ready starter, 1 true NHL backup and 1 waiver exempt callup

Make sense? Good, let's go.

First off, the basic philosophy of my team building is based on the idea of getting 1 true scoring line, 2 solid 2-way forward lines and 1 true checking line. The defense pairs are 1 impact pair, 1 shutdown pair and 1 pair of specialists (PP specialist, PK specialist).

We shall start with the goalies: (cap hit)

Starter: Pekka Rinne (4M)
Backup: Josh Harding (750K) -note: he has a day to day injury, not career ending like Pronger or Savard

Waiver exempt callup: Braden Holtby

Totals goalies spent: 4.75M

Defense:

Top Pair
Ryan Suter (3.5) and Matt Carle (3.437)

Shutdown Pair
Anton Volchenkov (4.25) and Zdeno Chara (6.916)

Specialist/Depth Pair

Sheldon Souray (1.65) and Braydon Coburn (3.2)

7th D: Cody Franson (800K)

Injury callups: Marc-Andre Bourdon, Ryan Ellis.

Total money spent on D: 23.753M


Forwards:
Top Line
Daniel Sedin (6.1) Henrik Sedin (6.1) Ryane Clowe 3.625

Do I need to say any more about this top line? the Sedin's doing Sedin things, with Clowe picking up the rebounds.

Total Cost: 15.825
for a top line, a bit pricey, but if they're sheltered properly, the Sedins will get their 100 points and Clowe's a better net front presence than Burrows, toss in PP time and he could get 70-75 points as well.

Second Line
Dustin Brown (3.175) Claude Giroux (3.75) Sean Couturier (1.375)

Total cost 8.3M

I love to talk about how Cooter needs to be free, he's got ~20 points being buried mostly on the 4th line, and he doesn't have a horrible contract...pure win. These guys would end in the 60-65 point range because the Sedins would take up more offensive time, but again, solid 2-way play. is the key.

Third Line
Matt Read (900K) Dave Bolland (3.375) Wayne Simmonds (1.75)

Total Cost: (6.025)

Simmonds and Read (wow, more Flyers forwards, they're a solid group, aren't they?) have high depth scoring (even if a bit unsustainable) and Bolland is criminally underrated in his PK/defensive center abilities.

Fourth line

Max Talbot (1.75) Eric Belanger (1.75) Greg Campbell (1.1)

Total Cost: 4.6M

3 solid defensive forwards (well, Talbot's more of a depth scorer, but Bolland-Campbell-Belanger-Talbot would be the 4 PK forwards)

13th forward/scratch: Brandon Prust  (800K)

Forward injury callups: Brayden Schenn (he's waiver excempt) and any goon of your choice that costs 750K or less.

If my math is correct, this team costs 64.053 in Cap Hits. which puts them right against the cap.

For leadership personnel,

Captain: Zdeno Chara-he's a Vet, he's won a Cup.
Alternates: Ryane Clowe and Ryan Suter. 2 more veterans who are young enough to understand the youth on the team and help out in that regard.

Honorable mentions: I really wanted to get Scott Hartnell (in Clowe's spot) or Manny Malholtra (4th line) on the team, but I couldn't fit them under the salary cap. Same with Defense-no Doughty or Weber.

Even then, I'm really up against the cap meaning that if injuries happen, the 7th D would slot into Coburn's spot and Coburn would fill in for the top 4. On the forwards, Prust would fill in for Talbot or Read and they would slot into wherever was needed. If LTI was used, you could see a callup. If a goalie gets hurt-you'd see Matt Read get sent to the AHL allowing Holtby to be recalled and Prust would play.

Yes, Geoff Detweiler, I fully expect you critique me for using LTI and waiver rules to loophole the cap.

Enjoy. What are your thoughts on "the perfect" roster.

I Trended On Twitter.

The world can end now, I trended on twitter.

https://twitter.com/#!/TrendsmapCanada/status/169312504776884224


This is more unlikely than the following events:

• A Washington Capitals goalie stopping a shot from more than 50 feet away
• The San Jose Sharks making the Cup Finals
• Andreas Nodl scoring 40 goals
• Zac Rinaldo winning the Lady Byng
• Steve Mason posting a shutout
• Sergei Bobrovsky posting a shutout
• The Flyers winning consecutive shootouts
• Michael Leighton closing his legs
• Rick DiPietro playing 60 games in a season
• The Flyers not having a goalie controversy
• Marc-Andre Bergeron winning the Norris
• Daniel Sedin winning a Selke
• Scott Gomez winning the Rocket Richard
• Wade Redden playing another NHL game

• 
  

Caption Contest 17

Simple...what's Timmy saying...

Rejected All Star Skills Competition Ideas

Many people look forward to All Star weekend not just for the game itself, but also for the skills competition. What many people don't realize, is that due to time constraints several other events have been removed from the skills competition, luckily the DGS SuperSpies have found the list of events that were scrapped.


The Event: Bad Contract Roulette
How It Worked: A roulette wheel would be placed and each captain would try to stick his opponent with the contracts of terrible players like Ville Leino and Scott Gomez
Reason for Taking It Out: AHL players like Matt Walker and Wade Redden aren't allowed at the NHL All Star Game.


The Event: Dodge The Elbows
How It Worked: Players would skate around the ice dodging obstacles like Chris Pronger's left elbow and Matt Cooke's right forearm while attempting to handle the puck
Reason for Taking It Out: Matt Cooke seems to have cleaned up his act and Chris Pronger has gone the way of Marc Savard.


The Event: Diving Competition
How It Worked: All Stars would make like Summer Olympians and do a diving competition, complete with judges and everything
Reason for Taking It Out: Every single season, the Sedins would win.



The Event: Big Eats
How It Worked: A buffet would be laid out, and each team would see who could consume more food in the allotted team
Reason for Taking It Out: A small problem arose, Martin Brodeur is no longer an All Star goalie capable of challenging Tim Thomas.


The Event: ECHL Future Stars Game
How It Worked: A group of ECHL players would get to play giving hope to teams who employ Steve Mason and Brett Lebda that maybe some better players would arrive.
Reason for Taking It Out: Anchorage, Alaska; Elmira, New York; Trenton, NJ and Gwinnett Georgia are all considered better places to live than Columbus, Ohio.


Even though these events are gone, one still remains. During the actual All-Star Game we can watch players perform the 2 following events-

1: Play More Defense Than Mike Green

2: Loaf around the Neutral Zone more than Alex Kovalev

NHL Christmas Letters

It's 5 days before Christmas, and it seems that the DGS Super Spies have found letters to Santa from hockey players all over the world....we're re-printing some for you here.


From: Paul Holmgren


Dear Santa,

Can you give me a calculator? Everyone tells me I need to learn something called math.

Paul



From: The Florida Panthers

Dear Santa,

Can you make the league take us seriously? We're like in first place and all...

The Florida Panthers



From: Caps GM George McPhee

Dear Santa,

I'm trying to get to the conference finals for a change, but I also want to Fail For Nail. Can you help me with that?

GMGM


Rick Nash and Jarome Iginla oddly wrote the same thing

Dear Santa,

Can I finally play for an NHL team? Please!

Rick/Jarome




From Steve Mason:

Dear Santa,

I want a pony, a chance to play in the AHL and my talent back.

Stevie





From Dwayne Roloson

Dear Santa,

Get Teemu to share his Fountain with me again.

Rolie





From Peter Laviolette

Dear Santa,

I'm calling timeout and taking 30 seconds to make sure this letter is delivered perfectly.

Now, I want a goalie. A real goalie. A goalie who gives me consistent .925 SV%'s. I got Bryzgalov this summer instead. So I need to make sure this happens. Also; can you take out the 35+ provision in the CBA, we need to remove Pronger somehow. Thank you again for your cooperation.

Pete






The Buffalo Sabres

Dear Santa,

Can you bring us Ville Leino? Not this scrub who claims to be Ville but is not very good at hockey.


Pegs





From Roberto Luongo,

Dear Santa,

Last year, I asked that the Canucks find a way to succeed in spite of my choking. I didn't actually mean for you to find Cory Schneider.

Lou.






From Lou Lamoriello

Dear Santa,

Bah, humbug. Get through my trap, then dodge my jelly. Then find me a way to sign Zach Parise.

Lou



From Tim Thomas

Dear Santa,

Donuts. Lots of them.

Timmy

NHL Conference Names

With the NHL Realignment coming in, there are 4 conferences and 0 divisions. Now comes the hard part, naming them. Luckily we here at DGS have some ideas. Feel free to add in your own as well.




The Idea- Norris, Patrick, Campbell, Adams
Pros- These familiar names would show the NHL returning to tradition and these names would make sense to die hard fans.
Cons- This idea makes sense, therefore the NHL would never use it.




The Idea- Pacific, Central, Mid-Atlantic, East
Pros- These names would fit the geography of the league, making it easy for casual fans to know which conference their team plays in.
Cons- This also makes too much sense for Gary Bettman to consider it.




The Idea- Never on NBC (Coyotes), Rarely on NBC (Chicago), HNiC (Toronto), VERSUS NIGHTLY! (Flyers)
Pros- This would be perfectly accurate in describing how television deals would work.
Cons- Actually, Gary Bettman would use this, except that the names would be ruined by the impending relocation of Phoenix to the new Markham, Ontario arena.




The Idea- Orr (Toronto), Lemieux (New Jersey), Howe (Detroit), Gretzky (Coyotes)
Pros- There really aren't any...except if you look at Bobby Orr, Mario Lemieux, Gordie Howe and Wayne Gretzky of the Oilers instead of the following guys:
Cons- Naming a conference after a current hockey player goon (Colton Orr), a terrible coach (Gretzky), a Flyers Hall of Famer who played for the Red Wings (Mark Howe) and Claude Lemieux (Dirty NJ Devils forward) make no sense.



The Idea- Los Angeles Kings, Red Wings-Hawks, Colie Campbell's Kid, $$$$$
Pros- Accurately describes the most publicized parts of each conference
Cons- Do the $$$$$ refer to Ilya Kovalchuk, Ilya Bryzgalov, Glen Sather's contracts to Richards and Redden, Rick DiPietro or someone else?

NHL Announces the non suspension of John Carlson for headshotting Matt Cooke

Well, luckily, the DGS SuperSpies actually caught the reason why Brendan Shanahan elected not to suspend Matt Cooke for the headshot he received from John Carlson the other night.

(Please Note: we are grateful there were no serious injuries on the play. Carlson's elbow should be good to go forever, and Cooke was only faking injury to draw a call)

An Open Letter To The Fans of DGS

Dear Fans,

It's been one hell of a run over the last 18 or so months. I started this site in April 2010 with the intent of having a few laughs at the expense of a team that lucked their way into the playoffs and would be slaughtered in the first round. Then Brian Boucher beat the Devils.

Luckily, it seemed like Boston could do the deed, but no, Michael Leighton returned and Simon Gagne put game 7 to bed and we kept on going. The Habs just rolled over and the 2010 season ended with Michael Leighton's 5 hole giving me more material than I could possibly have dreamed.

That said, I picked up an audience, I got fans, so I kept writing, picked up two amazing cowriters along the way (PhillyGirl and ItsAFez- both of whom I am proud to call friends as well) and kept going and we had a lot of fun along the way.

That said, things have changed for me, Matt, the guy who runs this show. For one, if you haven't noticed, I've become an ECHL beat writer covering the Trenton Titans for TCL-Flyers. And second, I'm now in the real world with a real job. Writing posts on the blog in college while avoiding homework was easy, things are a little bit different now.

That being said, I don't intend to shut the site down and I will still post on occasion. The days of seeing 10-20 posts a month are probably gone though. My goal is one or two a week now. Don't worry, I'm sure we can still keep Leighton's goalie diary going, and Fez will surely continue to reference Doctor Who.

Also, to all the regular readers, thank you, it was you guys coming here and showing that I have some sort of drawing power that helped me get the confidence to jump into the ECHL Titans gig, without you, I couldn't make that jump, so please check out the creature you created, especially if you're a Flyers fan.


Matt

More NHL iPods

Just over a year ago I did a piece of NHL iPods talking about players favorite songs. It seems like it's time to do it again, This time with music videos!



Scott Hartnell:

Top 3 songs:
-Falling Down by the Birthday Massacre



-Falling by Lacuna Coil



-Falling Again by Lacuna Coil






Terry Pegula: Owner of the Buffalo Sabres



This always seemed to play for him...


Blair Betts: Bad pun on a name alert...




Paul Ranger: Where'd you go?





A Certain Philadelphia Reporter who loves to make up stories and is horribly incompetent:



What song better than "Storytime", something that implies everything is fiction.


Rick DiPietro: The Islander because no matter what, he's always going to be an Islander.




Antti Niemi: Nemo...what's better than a song named after you?





Rick Nash: Over the Hills and Far Away, which is basically him wanting out of Columbus...






The Carolina Hurricanes: Stone People, aka the Hurricanes Defense




Sergei Gonchar: For the Heart I Once Had...because once I got to Ottawa, I stopped giving a sh!t




Sieve Mason: Better Days....he's had them




Ville Leino: Wish You Were Here...as in...he wishes he was still on a line with Scott Hartnell and Danny Briere to carry him...






Finally: Charles Wang, NYI owner....Gimme Shelter...as in a new Arena

Braydon Coburn Contract Facts

Editor's Note:  Relax, kids. This is comedy. Have a laugh this time, in the words of Ilya Bryzgalov, "why you heff ta be mad?"


Braydon Coburn just signed a 4 year contract extension worth $18 million yesterday. While many people have questionable doubts, the DGS superspies were able to calculate exactly how Coby plans on spending this money.


$12 Million will go to being a hockey player. A lot of people think $3M would have been fair for Coburn and so did he, hence, he's budgeted this money as his fair salary,

$5 Million will go to nose related expenses. When you're nose is as big as Coburn's you need to budget significant funds. In fact, here's 5 things Coburn's nose does...

1. In the event of a water landing, Coburn's nose can function as a flotation device.

2. Chris Pronger's hidden a stash of pucks inside of Coburn's nose

3. Should times become desperate, Braydon Coburn's nose may function as an emergency goaltender*

4. Braydon Coburn's nose has been screening Steve Mason since 2009, leading to Mason's very long slump.

5. The gravitational pull of Coburn's nose is so massive, it causes Scott Hartnell to fall down. A lot.

*-Coburn's nose as a goaltender has the equivalent talent of 1 Vesa Toskala.






$1 Million was budgeted as Prize Money for a fight that hadn't happened yet.

Easy Halloween Costumes for NHL Players

Scott Hartnell: Bozo the Inflatable Clown (even bounces back!)

Danny Briere: Leprechaun

Claude Giroux: This guy, only GINGER (which would make him happy)

Ilya Bryzgalov: A bobblehead (He's already showing off

his costume!)

Daniel Sedin (Costume: the guy on the right) and Henrik Sedin (Costume: the guy on the left)

Zac Rinaldo: an insane guy

Wayne Simmonds: Train conductor

Kyle Wellwood, Timmy Thomas, Marty Brodeur group costume (now joined by Dustin Byfuglien): Plates at a buffet table

The Laviolette Line Lottery

Well, it seems that Lavi is at it again, just pulling lines at random and inserting them on to the ice. The thing is, these lines aren't random, in fact, the lines come from a come from a long list of rules that must be adhered to. Luckily, the DGS SuperSpies obtained this list and we're gonna share it.


1. Due to the lack of centers, Couturier, Briere, Schenn, Giroux and Talbot are not allowed to be on a line together.

2. Scott Hartnell falls for linemates, he has to removed from a line after falling to prevent the center from possibly having relations with his wife.

3. Danny Briere will take a stick foul if left with the same linemates for more than 2 consecutive shifts.

4. Paul Holmgren believes that changing Couturier's line fast enough will actually slow down time allowing him to slide Couturier even though he plays in 82 games.

5. After a shift, when Matt Read says, "and I learned that at Bemidji" State," any forward within ear shot has to go to the lockerroom to look up how to spell Bemidji.

6. Sometimes players miss shifts on account of being dazed from Chris Pronger's left elbow.

7. Jake Voracek hasn't quite learned the system of "rely on your talented young center to get you the puck"

8. Due to the smaller ice surface of North America, while sitting on the bench, Jagr actually thinks he's playing the game.

9. Peter Laviolette rotates his forwards on account of not having goalies to rotate anymore.

10. Paul Holmgren accidentally called out line changes from the GM's office...needless to say, like his math skills, his memory of lines leaves much to be desired.

Caption Contest 16

Been a long time since one of these came around...tell us why Carter Ashton looks confused and Sean Couturier (7) is hiding his mouth....

Not So Different, 2011-12 Flyers and 2009 Yankees

Last week, I did the similarities between the Flyers and Maple Leafs, this week, I started noticing some parallels between the current Flyers and the New York Yankees of 2009.

In 2008, a long term core of Yankees disappointed many by flat out missing the playoffs.

In 2011, a long term core of Flyers disappointed many by going down without a fight in the playoffs (round 2)

After this meltdown, fans of both teams wanted the coach/manager to be fired. (I had posts on my facebook wall and tweets regarding Lavi, Yankees ALWAYS want to fire the manager when the team loses)

Both teams blew up several positions in the ensuing offseason that showed a change in team philosophy:

The Yankees: instead of signing big bats and offense, went out and grabbed 2 starting pitchers at insane contracts pushing their young pitchers (Hughes, Chamberlain) back in the rotation/to the bullpen.

The Flyers: traded some top offensive players (Carter and Richards) to free up cap space to sign a starting goaltender (Ilya Bryzgalov) to an insane contract pushing a young up and coming goalie (BOB) to the pine.

Both teams saw a star player who was formerly a top offensive player begin to take a back seat

The Yankees: Alex Rodriguez began to see less time at 3B and more time as a DH while Eric Hinske was acquired to come off the bench and take his place more and more

The Flyers: Scott Hartnell's ice time dropped in favor of the newly acquired Wayne Simmonds.

Both teams acquired a player via trade with a solid classy personality

The Yankees: Put Nick Swisher in RF

The Flyers: Put Wayne Simmonds on the 2nd line

Both teams found a solid rookie who would turn into something that was somewhat overhyped given his actual role.

The Yankees: Francisco Cervelli (Catcher) came up from AAA to his over .300 while filling in for an injured Jorge Posada. He eventually gave the reigns back to Posada but some of his solid hitting helped the 09 Yankees to the World Series.

The Flyers: Matt Read, an undrafted UFA out of Bemidji State University, came out of nowhere during camp to wow everyone with a lot of talent before earning a spot in the Top 9 on opening night. He's seen some top 6 minutes, but will probably see most time on the 3rd line moving forward.

Both teams parted ways with long term high profile players who may or may not have had drug problems and had frequent leg injuries

The Yankees: Jason Giambi, his drug of choice was steroids and HGH, though if you read his actual comments, he only apologized for being a distraction for issues in his personal life, never did he explicitly admit to drug use.

The Flyers: Parted ways with Dry Islanders Jeff Carter and Mike Richards who have been accused of everything from excessive drinking to using cocaine.  

 Giambi and Carter: Both are also known for knee/leg problems, Giambi battled knee problems during his last 3-4 years with the Yankees as well as a foot injury, Carter broke both feet and sprained his MCL in his last 2 years with the Flyers.


Both teams always operate over the Salary "cap" of their respective sport.

The Yankees: Pay a luxury tax

The Flyers: exploit LTIR loopholes.



Both Teams have rabid fanbases, New York and Philadelphia are tough cities to play in.


Both Teams have a GM who is essentially a life time member of the organization.

The Yankees: Brian Cashman started as an intern with the Yankees while he was in college. He stuck with the organization before becoming GM.

The Flyers: Paul Holmgren played for the Cup WInning bullies, he then became an Asst. GM and finally GM in 2006. (yes I know he coached in Hartford too)


Both teams have a player who has a narrative history of being clutch despite the fact that standard mathematical evidence proves a major flaw to their game.

The Yankees: Derek Jeter. Captain Clutch. Mr. November. Also good for ~150-170 strikeouts a season.

The Flyers: Danny Briere. Mr. Playoffs. Also good for 25-30 stupid stick fouls a season.


Both players have a controversial, injury prone superstar who's on the downturn of his career and has a contract with no end in sight.

The Yankees: Alex Rodriguez, 10 years, 275M signed in 2007. UGGH.

The Flyers: Chris Pronger, 4.921 Cap Hit until 2017...35+ clause attached.


Both Teams also have an unsung hero who went unappreciated for his hard work.

The Yankees: Brett Gardner, he doesn't put up power numbers, but his stolen bases and great defense helped the Yankees win.

The Flyers: Matt Carle, the best even strength defenseman in the NHL (his weakness is goal scoring and special teams)


Both teams are known for using UFA's and trades to build up rather than from within.

The Yankees: they buy talent. the sign the best available player all the time. even though the Yankees have a 1B, if the Yankees signed Albert Pujols no one would bat an eyelash.

The Flyers: They trade an insane amount of draft picks for other players (Meszaros, Timonen rights, Hartnell rights, Pronger, Bryzgalov's rights, all had picks in their trade). They sign FA's too: Lilja, Bryzgalov, Timonen, Hartnell, Simmonds, Voracek, Talbot, Matt Read, Blair Betts, Jody Shelley, Bobrovsky all signed as UFA or RFA.

But yet both teams have built superstars from within:

The Yankees: Cano, Jeter, Posada, Gardner, Hughes, Chamberlain, Rivera, Pettitte were all built from within the Yankees system and won in 2009

The Flyers: Giroux, JvR, Read (undrafted UFA puts him in both categories), Bartulis, Gus, Bob (undrafted UFA, see Read)




How about you, what do you think? Did I miss anything?

Tales From An Adirondack Nothing 2.0: Week 1

Dear Glove -

Well, here we are again. Back in Glens Falls. For joy. I've already prepared myself to be stuck here the whole year - don't know where else I would go unless they trade me. And if someone wanted me, they could have had me for free on the waiver wire - so I don't think I'm going anywhere.

Saturday was opening night at home. I got the start - Bacashihua backed me up - and Backlund, well, he went to the "press box" - or wherever you go when you're not playing in an AHL game.

Anyway - back to opening night against the Connecticut Whale (sorry folks, no Sean Avery in sight). We wore retro jerseys - they were okay, I guess. Player introductions were nice - I was the last introduced, and got a thunderous applause - no really, I did. They love me. See the video at 30 seconds in.

Of course once the game started, maybe they didn't love me as much. Gave up a goal to Kris Newbury 37 seconds into the game (it was a bad deflection, I swear). He completed the hat trick soon into the second period.

But that was it - no more goals after that. I got it together - team scored goals - six of them in total! I wound up stopping 24 of 27 (okay, and the post stopped two late in the third - thank you post). Not horrible, but I can do better.

Monday the Phantoms hosted some golf thing - every one had to join in with fans. I think I played okay - this guy thought I was a great guy. Again, nice to be appreciated.

Next home game is Friday - we'll see if I get the start.

Until then.

Grateful Eyes and Appreciative Smiles,

Leights