NHL 12 Other Features

So, EA Sports unleashed new features for the NHL12 game including goalie fights, the winter classic and better better physics as well. Well, the DGS SuperSpies got their hands on several other features that will be in the game come September, and I'm doing the world a favor and sharing them.

1. Any trade proposal made to the Philadelphia Flyers when being the GM of another team will automatically be rejected, only to be reoffered as the same trade but with the Flyers giving you a free draft pick.
2. There will be a new subset of Be a GM Mode that has no waivers, no salary cap and is therefore math free, this will be called "Holmgren Mode"
3. Regardless of what the negotiated amount of a contract is, if you're the GM of the Rangers, all contracts given to UFA's will show up as "6 years, 39 Million".
4. There will be a special "Hockey in Jobing.com" mode that can be accessed regardless of what arena you're playing this game in. To activate it, find your television's remote control and press the "mute" button.
5. Rick DiPietro will finally shatter into a million places when he makes save.
6. You can now in fact, conspire against the Canucks, all you have to do is play the be a GM mode, and trade every player on the Canucks to Edmonton or the Islanders and take players like Rick DiPietro and Sieve Mason in return.
7. In Detroit, Red Wings games will automatically have a spineless slimeball hit the ice every game, and you the player, can take control of it. In unrelated news, I wonder what Todd Bertuzzi's ratings will be.
8. If you're the Boston Bruins and you're losing a game or if you're just bored, Zdeno Chara can now check people off the stanchion.
9. All injury updates will appear on the screen in "Dr. Recchi Form" should you choose to activate that feature.
10. There will now be a "real trade rumors" portion of the Be a GM Mode trade rumors feature, this feature will link every player in the game in a possible trade to the Toronto Maple Leafs.

Other NHL Sex Related Scandals

So earlier today Daniel Carcillo tweeted the following:

@OG_CarBomb13: "@BizNasty2point0 weigh in on this. When a girl leans back while fingers r in her and says "my dad would b so proud of me"..turn on or no??"

Needless to say he followed up with an apology and then a tweet about going

@OG_CarBomb13: "Goin' commando in N.Y. Feeling so free!"

Now, Daniel Carcillo isn't the first NHL player to have a problem with sexist comments as a matter of fact the NHL is littered with tons of sex issues, here's some of the lowlights.

• December 2008: Sean Avery makes a comment about sloppy seconds. Later in 2010, after a long steady diet of lithium and anti-psychotics, he vows to stand by any gay NHL player who wants to come out of the closet
  
  
• September 2005: Soon after the NHL lockout ends, fans all across the NHL begin questioning the sexuality of one Sidney Crosby.
  
  
• October 2010: James Wisniewski tells Sean Avery to "blow me" marking Wis as being the first NHL player to tell Avery something everyone has wanted to do for years.
  
  
• May 2011: A woman takes a picture of a sleeping Patrick Kane and his boarding pass, come to think of it, why hasn't this happened more often? Also, in a more important question, how did Pat Kane think he was getting to the airport since I'm pretty sure no cabbie would drive him anymore?
  
  
• January 2010: Patrick Kane is photographed shirtless in the back of a limo. The obvious question here is 'does Pat Kane treat limo drivers like he does cabbies?' The second question, "When was Patrick Kane last sober?"
  
  
• June 2008: During the month of June 2008, Brian Rolston discovered a sex-tape of Devils GM Lou Lamoriello, because quite honestly, this is the only explanation for a contract that terrible.
  
  
• July 1996: Todd Bertuzzi gets married, marking the first time a human being has ever married an slimy invertebrate.
  
  
• December 2009: Jeff Carter texts teammate Scott Hartnell that he's going out shopping with wife Lisa for some new outfits so he can look good while picking up women, talk about a text that totally got interpreted wrong.
  
  
• Sometime in say 2004 to present: DGS was accused of kissing girls; and he liked it...something involving the taste of her cherry chapstick
  
  
• Sometime in 2003: Martin Brodeur engages in an affair with his wife's brother's wife. All in all, this makes Chris Pronger look far less slimy.
  
• Since 2001: Pregnancies in Detroit have been increasing exponentially due to the fact that Pavel Datsyuk can impregnate women with dekes.
  
• May 2009: BizNasty graduated with his degree in "Panty Soup." Enough said.
  
• Since 2002: Pierre McGuire has creeped out NHL-ers everywhere by calling games. 

(Editor's Note: RIP Derek Boogaard, you will be missed. 28 is too young for anyone to go.)

The Many Faces of Chris Pronger

Today it was announced that Chris Pronger is going to miss 4-6 weeks with a foot/toe injury. As many of you probably know, I was driven to a nearly irrational amount of sadness because of it. I mean, my idol, lord, and master Chris Pronger is going to be missing. If you're like me, a total follower of the almighty Pronger, then you probably need a fix of Chris Pronger in your life to be sure that you make it through these next few weeks without doing anything stupid.

(Editor's Note: Amy absolves herself from this, it's just wow, I can't think of anything clever, but I think DGS has gone nuts, for real this time.)


So, here's a look at the many faces of Chris Pronger.

(Editor's Note: I really really hope this isn't as bad as it sounds)


(Author's Note: All pics are taken from outside websites, clicking on the link takes you to the websites that own them, I did NOT take any of the Pronger pictures.)

Epic Pronger is Epic

Epic Pronger: This is Chris Pronger's normal state. It is also known as the state of Awesome. This is because Chris Pronger is more awesome than you could ever dream to be. He didn't mean for it to happen, it just kinda did. You know?

Chris Pronger was just reminded of his awesomeness

Realization: This is the face of Chris Pronger whenever someone reminds him of the fact that he is better than you. He doesn't mean to gloat, but when you're on the level of Chris Pronger, it's unreasonable to not feel superior to all the other people you need to deal with on a daily basis.

Chris Pronger is mildly content, a rare sighting. (Note: he's most likely
thinking "I can't wait to elbow Sidney Crosby")

 Mildly Content: Chris Pronger feels mildly content on occasion. In this case, it's because he elbowed Paul Holmgren into giving him a 7 year 35+ contract with a 4.921 cap hit. Chris Pronger get's a pass though, because he's not a douche or anything, he's just Chris Pronger.

Chris Pronger is sorry, he can't hear you over the sound of
how awesome he is.

Apologetic Pronger: Look, I know you reporters want to interview him, but Chris Pronger's ability to hear questions is sometimes obstructed by the fact that his own awesomeness speaks to him. He's sorry, well not really.

Confusion: Someone just said, 'Chris, you aren't god.' without saying
"just kidding"

Confusion: Chris gets confused when people try to tell that he's not awesome. This is because he doesn't understand why anyone would tell a joke to a 6'6" 230lb guy with elbows that crack skulls frequently. Quite honestly, I don't get it either.

Hey Todd, wipe that smirk off your face before my elbows permanently
remove your face from the rest of your body.

Chris Pronger sometimes has to use violence to make points. This is because sometimes people are unable to comprehend the pure awesome that is Chris Pronger. The beautiful thing about Chris Pronger's elbows is that they leave a permanent impression on your skull like a tattoo. The bad thing, most humans are so unworthy of remembering the exact moment when Chris Pronger touched them that they have memory loss of the incident.

(Editor's Note: Concussions are actually serious business, please get checked if you or someone you know shows symptoms of a concussion. DGS-Cares)

Why yes, I did take those pucks, but we're just gonna act natural.

Guilt: Chris Pronger is not capable of guilt. But he is capable of well, being smug in the face of accusations that may or may not be true. If you know an expert who saw the replay, tell us.

I choose you, to be the victim of my next elbow.

Chris Pronger is an honourable, upstanding, player. He's nice enough, as shown by the above picture, to point out who the next victim of an elbow is going to be. When he does this, players should thank Mr. Pronger for being nice enough to allow them to prepare for a concussion related vacation a long rehab process for brain damage.

Hockey time, the time for awesome.

Chris Pronger is intense, he's probably thinking about elbowing someone in the head. That's how Pronger rolls.

Dear Scott Gomez, the only reason you're not dead right now is
because killing people like you is well, a hate crime. I
am so just gonna embarrass you in the
playoffs instead, Love Pronger.

No need for words, but Scott Gomez is a very brave man for staring certain death in the face. Chris Pronger sent him the letter in the caption.

If you can see Chris Pronger, Chris Pronger can see you,
if you can't see Chris Pronger...

Then it's probably because Chris Pronger is about to set you
up for something called a "Batista Bomb"

Under Chris Pronger's sternum there is not heart, only another elbow that's ready to kill you.

I am fairly sure that I am the 'he'

Chris sadly get's dragged into the world of "he said/she said" with officials. This is because they are incompetent. Chris Pronger would NEVER break any rules. As a matter of fact, Chris Pronger writes the rules.

Why Yes, Chris Pronger is full of win

Full of Win: Chris Pronger is, you, Ben Eager, are not.

Kostitsyn: I'll send my mob friends after you.
Pronger: I elbowed them, they're all dead. They fear my elbows.

And now we know why Kostitsyn looks like he's about to shit himself in this picture.

Chris let him go, wait that's Avery. Chris, pull his head off.

Chris Pronger doing what most people in the world want him to do, remove the head of Sean Avery. Out of curiosity, I doubt that anyone thinks that this is attempted murder.

Angry Pronger, do not go near or elbows shall fly

Angry Pronger: sometimes Chris Pronger gets angry, when he does. Skate away, far away.

Calm Pronger; it's how he relaxes.

When Pronger unwinds after a hard day of throwing elbows to faces of idiots, he calms down and shows his sensitive side. How can anyone ever feel bad about the above person? How can anyone do anything but love the above face of Pronger?



And then when all is said and done:

King Pronger: Lord of the Elbow