Other Things NHL Players Have Forgotten

So, earlier this weekend Flyers Captain Michael Richards tweeted about forgetting to pay his cable bill

Oh Richie, were you also expecting a phone call
informing you that the 2nd round of the playoffs
had started as well?

Well, honestly Mr. Richards isn't the only person in the NHL to forget something, as a matter of fact, many NHL players and personalities have been known to forget things, and here at DGS, we have the list.



Paul Holmgren: Has forgotten how to do basic math and has given the Flyers cap problems for at least the next 5 years.

Dan Ellis: Has claimed that he "forgot" to pay his ESCROW.

Nick Lidstrom: Is so old that he has in fact, forgotten to retire.

Paul Holmgren: Has forgotten the rules of the CBA pertaining to 35+ contracts and gave Pronger 7 years and a cap hit of 4.921.

The Toronto Maple Leafs: Have forgotten what the playoffs are.

Joe Thornton: Has apparently forgotten that he is playing in the playoffs right now.

Paul Holmgren: Has forgotten, like his predecessor, what "goaltending" is.

Kyle Wellwood: Forgets to stick to his diet.

Evgeni Nabokov: Forgot that the Islanders do NOT yet have a new arena and ended up lost on Long Island because he absolutely thought that there was no way an NHL team would ever play in the Nassau Coliseum.

Michael Leighton: Has forgotten how to close his 5-hole.

Paul Holmgren: Forgot that Michael Leighton doesn't know how to close his 5 hole and therefore gave him a 1.55 cap hit.

Chris Pronger: Would like to forget this year from hell.

Scott Hartnell and Kris Versteeg: Have both forgotten how to skate which led to the fun of Hartnell Down and Versteeg Down counts.

Jonathan Toews: Has forgotten how to blink, show emotion, and display normal.

The Boston Bruins: Have forgotten that it's perfectly OK to score when you're up a man.

Paul Holmgren: Has forgotten what a draft pick is due to the fact that the Flyers haven't had one in forever.

Roberto Luongo, and many of the Vancouver Canucks: Have forgotten the difference between a diving pool and an ice rink.

Matt Cooke: Will most likely soon forget the lesson he learned from his 17 game suspension for a headshot and will end up elbowing Gregory Campbell in the head early next season.

Gary Bettman: Has obviously forgotten that he doesn't work for the NBA anymore.

Patrick Kane: Has forgotten what it's like to be sober

The Flyers Entire Defensive Corps: Randomly forgets how to play defense leaving Brian Boucher alone against Zdeno Chara slap shots.

Daniel Carcillo: Forgot that some things, like questions involving sexual turn ons, are probably better left to realm of a "DM" on Twitter.

Ilya Bryzgalov: Forgot that the playoffs actually count.

Hartnell Down or Versteeg Down- The Final Numbers

Hartnell Down ended at 330, over 90 games, meaning he fell 3.3 times a game, or 1.1 times a period.




Other things involving 3.3 in the NHL:

-The average amount of goals per period allowed through the 5-hole of Michael Leighton

-Number (in millions of US Dollars) Glen Sather will overpay for a player.

-Amount of times Pierre McGuire says "leadership" per sentence when talking about MIKE "OMG LEADERSHIP!!1111!1!11!" Richards

-Amount of times, per shift, Jeff Carter shoots high and wide

-Amount of dives Robert Luongo takes per period

-Amount of headshots Matt Cooke gave me while I wrote this post

-Amount of goalie changes Peter Laviolette makes per post season game.

-Amount of healthy players the Flyers had left for game 4 against Boston.

-Amount of time, in seconds, Nikolay Zherdev gave a crap about defense during the entire regular season

-Amount of time, in seconds, Nikolay Zherdev was lazy during the post-season






Versteeg Down (18 for round 2; 26 for round 1 for a playoff total of 44)

44 by numbers:

-The number worn by Kimmo Timonen; the Finnish God of Defense

-The amount of time, in minutes, that Chris Pronger was fully healthy during playoffs

-The amount of shots, needed to score 45 goals, on the Flyers goaltending this year

-Amount of time, in years, before Paul Holmgren decides that goaltending is important

-Amount of headshots occurring per period in every NHL playoff game...if you trust people's reactions via Twitter

-Amount of time, in hours, Sean Avery can go without saying something stupid

-Amount of time, in seconds, it will take Glen Sather to overpay for a free agent on July 1

-Amount of new rumors, per day, linking big name UFA's Brad Richards and Christian Ehrhoff to the Toronto Maple Leafs

-Amount of rumors, per hour, claiming Tampa Bay is going to trade their captain, Vincent Lecavalier.

-Measure, in inches, of Tim Thomas's waist

-Amount of PIMs Chris Pronger had in 2010-11.

-Amount of elbows to head Chris Pronger throws per game

Previewing the Second Round Matchups

Just like we did for the first round, it's time to preview the other playoff series that don't involve the Flyers. So here we go.

-Western Conference-

#5 Nashville vs #1 Vancouver

How They Got Here: Nashville shot and killed a Duck, Vancouver tossed a Monkey off their back.
What to look for: Will Shea Weber's beard destroy Roberto Luongo?
Who moves on: The Predators


#2 San Jose vs #3 Detroit

How They Got Here: San Jose committed regicide, the Red Wings put some whiteout on the Coyotes

What to look for: Will Joe Thornton realize it's May BEFORE senility sets in on the Red Wings?

Who moves on: Kyle Wellwood disposes of the octopus by making calamari and eating: Sharks move on again.

-Eastern Conference-

#1 Washington vs #5 Tampa Bay

How They Got Here: Washington defeated the Rangers, TBL eliminated the PenGOONs

What to look for: How many of DTV's ideas come true?

Who moves on: Gotta say WSH because TBL will pay for the injustice of keeping Crosby out of the NHL for 9 months?

The Flyers preview will come Saturday

Analzying the Numbers: Hartnell Down

So as we all know, Scott Hartnell falls, a lot. And as we know, I count this with Seth, it's the Twitter hashtag #HartnellDown.

Anyway, the final was number was 241. So, now we're gonna look at the number 241 and compare it to the NHL

• 241>215, the most points in a season, set by Wayne Gretzky
  
• 241<255, the weight, in pounds, of professional goon Bruins Defenseman Zdeno Chara
  
• 241>222, Scott Hartnell's career regular season assist total
  
• 241>125 Gary Bettman's IQ....cubed
  
• 241<307 The amount of PIMs that Zenon Konopka had this year, 241 would good for second place, as Classless F**k**g Douchebag err...rather...Jody Shelley's punching bag Chris Neil
  
• 241<367 The amount of shots on net taken by Alex Ovechkin to lead the league, 241 would be good for #30, between John Taveres and Radim Vrbata
  
• 241<500,000,000 the amount of times Jeff Carter has shot high and wide
  
• 241>17, the amount of games Matt Cooke could be suspended for this year if the PenGoons last 7 games against Tampa.
• 241<245 The amount of games Paul Maurice overstayed his welcome in Toronto.
  
• 241<~578,000 The amount of people in Vancouver who fell over crying when the Wild beat the Stars.
  
• 241>0, the amount of people who think Roberto Luongo didn't crap himself when the Wild beat the Stars
  

Thanks for reading, tomorrow, we look at Hartnell Down as an average and what it means.

2.94 Hartnell Downs per game is comparable to the following things

• Amount of women Jeff Carter or Mike Richards sleeps with during a post game party
  
  
  
• Amount of orgasms per second caused by a Claude Giroux deke
  
  
  
• Amount of times Pierre McGuire thinks about Mike Richards per second of a Flyers broadcast
  
  
• Amount of Elbows Chris Pronger throws per shift
  
  
• Amount of heart attacks Peter Laviolette has per game because of Bobrovsky's puck handling.

The Secret Transcript: Rick Rypien Vs NHL Fan

Last night, Rick Rypien attacked a fan during a 6-2 loss by Rypien's Canucks to the Minnesota Wild. Yes, the Wild scored 6 goals against Luongo. That was news to me too. Ok, so here we go.


Rick Rypien, you got the Sean Avery treatment, and what you did was improper and inexcusable.


I think that's enough of a joke it itself.


What I learned from all this:

1. Damian Cox is an idiot. Seriously, there is NOTHING redeeming about him.
2. The Canucks are just as bad, the Stars suspended Avery on their own before the NHL got involved, Gillis should have done the same thing.
3. Rypien needs anger management.