Daria Meets the NHL

As many of you know, I've recently become obsessed with the show Daria. It got me thinking, what if NHL players/personalities were actually Daria characters.



Daria Morgendorfer: the protagonist of the show, she's quick-witted, intelligent and loves to troll.

Here is Daria trolling her own sister...



Remind you of someone....Daria Morgendorfer is Chris Pronger.



Brittany: The clueless dumb blonde cheerleader stereotype. She has no redeeming social value or intelligence or talent....


Remind you of someone....Brittany is any goon...


Trent Lane: Jane's underachieving, lazy, older brother. He plays in a band called Mystik Spyral. He doesn't have a real job,


Sadly you can't embed the video: http://youtu.be/COBuDtR8Fis 
It's Trent accepting an alternate plan, of sitting around doing nothing because Jane and Daria won't trust him to actually do anything complicated despite Trent being the only "adult" in the situation...

As my girlfriend is a CaroLOLna Hurricanes fan, I know that Trent is.....TOMAS KABERLE!




Jane Lane: Jane is Daria's best friend. She also attempts to BE Daria a few times despite not being as smart. They're an inseparable pair.




Since Daria is Chris Pronger and Jane is trying to be her, Jane Lane is.... Matt Carle, Ryan Suter, Shea Weber, Andrej Meszaros, Andreas Lilja, Luke Schenn....oh dear god the Flyers defense is totally screwed.



Mr. DeMartino:  The angry, misanthropic, self loathing history teacher.

Sorry: again, lack of embedding... http://youtu.be/4Md0bGSrzlw

Angry, snarky when asked questions by those who are SUPPOSED to ask questions...oh my god it's John Tortorella.


Tiffany: Member of the fashion club, complete idiot.





Let's see, dumb quotes, dumb explanations that make no sense... Tiffany is every NHL referee ever.



Quinn Morgendorfer: Daria's sister. Fashion club member. User of boys.

Quinn is, quite simply, a puck bunny.




Jake Morgendorfer: Daria's dad. He has big dreams, but never quite reaches potential.


Here's Jake not moving the Pentagon...

Jake has big dreams, but never really materializes...just like the Lockout to Lockout Toronto Maple Leafs.


Helen Morgendorfer: Daria's mom. She's business driven but totally clueless as to her own family...




Wait a second, somewhat nuts, moody and withdrawn but dedicated to her craft...it's Mike Richards



Kevin Thompson: Brittany's boyfriend and the stereotypical football player.

He's an oil-typhoon...or as Gary Bettman prays, the next owner of the Coyotes.



Well, stop standing on my neck, the post is over. ALRIGHT! *turns on Pigskin Channel*

More NHL iPods

Just over a year ago I did a piece of NHL iPods talking about players favorite songs. It seems like it's time to do it again, This time with music videos!



Scott Hartnell:

Top 3 songs:
-Falling Down by the Birthday Massacre



-Falling by Lacuna Coil



-Falling Again by Lacuna Coil






Terry Pegula: Owner of the Buffalo Sabres



This always seemed to play for him...


Blair Betts: Bad pun on a name alert...




Paul Ranger: Where'd you go?





A Certain Philadelphia Reporter who loves to make up stories and is horribly incompetent:



What song better than "Storytime", something that implies everything is fiction.


Rick DiPietro: The Islander because no matter what, he's always going to be an Islander.




Antti Niemi: Nemo...what's better than a song named after you?





Rick Nash: Over the Hills and Far Away, which is basically him wanting out of Columbus...






The Carolina Hurricanes: Stone People, aka the Hurricanes Defense




Sergei Gonchar: For the Heart I Once Had...because once I got to Ottawa, I stopped giving a sh!t




Sieve Mason: Better Days....he's had them




Ville Leino: Wish You Were Here...as in...he wishes he was still on a line with Scott Hartnell and Danny Briere to carry him...






Finally: Charles Wang, NYI owner....Gimme Shelter...as in a new Arena

The Sutter Trade Transcript

Per Jeff Marek on Twitter earlier: CAL trades White and Sutter to CAR for Babchuk and Kostopolous.

Now, when the entire Sutter clan seems to run the Calgary Flames, one can only assume that the conversation between the Sutters to inform Drunk Sutter that he had been traded. So, the DGS Super Spies tracked down what happened and caught it on tape.


GM Sutter: Hey, look, you just got arrested for Patrick Kane-ing someone. I need to do something.

Drunk Sutter: But dad! and Uncle! I drink because you guys are running this team into the ice. We're falling faster than Sidney Crosby after someone breathes on him. This team has fallen harder than any victim of the Pronger elbow, it's more punishment to keep me here.

Coach Sutter: See, that's the thing, we all know it's worse to keep you here. Now, we've decided in the interest of fairness to do something kind of nice.

GM Sutter: We're NOT trading you to Edmonton. Be thankful we could have done that.

Drunk Sutter: So, where am I going?

Coach Sutter: Hurricanes.

GM Sutter: Yeah, see, this is good for us.

Coach Sutter: By sending you to Carolina, you can meet up with your cousin.

GM Sutter: See the idea being, we Sutters will begin massing power on both the SE and NW. Doing this we will SLOWLY begin to take over the NHL, and the world.

Coach Sutter: *EVIL LAUGH* you have done well, brother. Soon we shall rule the world! One family above all.

Drunk Sutter: So I'm gonna go pack my bags...see you later Dad...and uncle...(under his breath) they're the f*ck--g reason I drink...




Drunk Sutter then texted Hurricanes Sutter: "DUDE U were So RIGHT!!! Going Pat Kane on that cabbie got me traded, finally I'm outta that shithole called Calgary"

The reply: "Thank god, our dads are delusional aren't they, hope we dont turn in2 them when we get older"

NHL 2010-2011 Season Previews: Southeast Division

Part 4 of the series is here. Today were looking at the southeast division. By the way, Max Talbot called and told me that I need to call Alex Ovechkin a douche. I don't know if I actually will, but hey, you never know.

Florida Panthers

The Good: Sports interest in Miami is now buzzing due to the acquisitions of LeBron James and Chris Bosh along with Wade's decision to stay.

The Bad: This has absolutely nothing to do with hockey.

Secret Strategy for the New Season: Goalies for the Panthers no longer have to worry about being decapitated by Keith Ballard.

Carolina Hurricanes

The Good: Are set up with plenty of early first round picks coming from their tank job that should continue for another 3-4 years.

The Bad: After losing Michael Leighton to the Flyers and not resigning Manny Legace, the 'Canes now only have 1 goalie with Stanley Cup experience in Cam Ward.

Secret Strategy for the New Season: Hope that other teams take pity on them and allow them to face 82 games of backup goaltenders.

Tampa Bay Lightning

The Good: New General Manager Steve Yzerman is a Jedi which will allow him to hopefully keep evil Sith Lord Darth Ellis in check. (Question Time: How many Twitter meltdowns does Ellis have during the season?)

The Bad: Will constantly be distracted by rumors of trading Vincent Lecavalier, Martin St. Louis, and Simon Gagne to the Canadiens for PK Subban and Carey Price as well as having to pay attention to what Dan Ellis says on Twitter.

Secret Strategy for the New Season: Will at some point, convince the Flyers to trade Jeff Carter for Paul Ranger.

Washington Capitals

The Good: Because of the tire-changing prowess of Brooks Laich, the Capitals will never be late to games due to flat tires.

The Bad: Like the US Congress, the team will be loaded with plenty of potential but will not actually get anything positive done when it matters.

Secret Strategy for the New Season: Hope the NHL teams fall victim to the idea that Mike Green is a defensemen when in fact he actually plays forward.

Atlanta Blackhawks...Thrashers

The Good: As of last check of the team's roster with players like Byfuglien, Kane and Ladd, they are the defending Stanley Cup Champions

The Bad: The team may suffer from an identity crisis as the Cup winning players will have a hard time adjusting to playing in the empty arenas of the Southeast Division.

Secret Strategy for the New Season: Will do everything they did last season when the team played in Chicago and hope that it works again.

It's not so bad, is it...

I think the title says it all. The question of course is, "Is being down 2-0 the nail in the coffin?" The answer is "it might be, it could very well be, but as the Flyers proved against the Bruins, it ain't over until the last game is played"

The Flyers have the talent to come back, they have the tools and Lavi has shown he's can rally the troops with the right timeouts and at the right times.

Is a change in goal the answer?

Maybe, just maybe the team can be sparked by Boucher in net, stranger things have happened, see Flyers 2009-2010 season.


Now, before I bow out into a pit of despair and depression from being down 2-0 and the fact that I'm still single...I do have some humor for today. A bunch of possible situations that are worse than what the Flyers are in right now...



1. They could have finished in last place and not had a draft pick to show for it...luckily that award went to the Toronto Maple Leafs

2. They could have had a season characterized by horrible goaltending and drama caused by changing Captains midseason....that honor went to the Carolina Hurricanes

3. They could have no idea where there home games are being played next year due to the impending sale of their team to an unknown buyer....that winner of that prize, the Phoenix Coyotes

4. They could tease us every year with a team that looks stacked and owns everything in sight during the regular season only to choke horribly in the playoffs...I'm looking at you San Jose

5. They could play in a city that riots after every single win...Est cette vraie, Montréal?


Also, when it comes to the players:

Mike Leighton and Brian Boucher COULD be Robert Esche and Roman Cechmanek or Martin Biron and Antero Niittymaki, of course, the way injuries went this season, there were 50/50 odds of us entering this series with Backlund/Duchesne in net...

Chris Pronger COULD be Randy Jones

Playoff Briere COULD be Not-Playoff Briere

Mike Richards COULD be NOT BOBBY CLARKE 2010

Simon Gagne COULD be Eric Lindros 2.0



Anyway, hopefully something turns around for the Flyers back in this city...