Things Steve Yzerman Also Wants This Offseason

Recently Steve Yzerman said that he would ask all Lightning players to wear visors starting next season. What most people don't know is that Yzerman also had another list of demands that he made of us players. Now, because Don't Trade Vinny has been out of it recently, I took it upon myself to send the DGS-SuperSpies to find out what else was on that list. Luckily, they obtained me a copy of the list which I will now share with each of you.

• That Marty St. Louis grow to an appropriate an NHL height of 4 feet tall.
  
• That the media ignore any all relevant Lightning stories and replace them with possible trade rumors involving Vincent Lecavalier to the Montreal Canadiens
  
• Acquiring Chris Pronger and Sergei Bobrovsky from the Flyers for Mike Smith
  
• That the Montreal Canadiens trade Carey Price to the Lightning for Dan Ellis's remaining problems in Tampa.
  
• That the media actually talk about how the Tampa Bay Lightning are an NHL team and not some figment of your imagination.
  
• Tampa becomes Detroit-south by changing their uniforms to red and white and putting a winged wheel on the center crest.
  
• Someone offers a 2nd round pick for Dominic Moore
  
• A defense
  
• A goalie who's younger than his head coach

Ellis, Smith, Boucher and Bob's excuses for not showing up to last night's game

So last night the Flyers played the Bolts in a nice football game and because the Bolts went for 2, they won 8-7. Luckily after the game, the DGS-SuperSpies were able to hear all the excuses given by all 4 goaltenders for why they weren't at last night's game. Some were rather eye opening to say the least.


Sergei Bobrovsky:

• Was unprepared for the game due to the fact that he's been listening to a certain song over and over again.
• After losing 3-0 to the Habs a couple nights earlier, Bobs was letting pucks in because he was told by Jeff Reese, "as a stud rookie goalie, you basically want to be the opposite of Carey Price"
• Due to errors in translation, when told to model his game after a well known goalie wearing #35, he decided to imitate Vesa Toskala rather than someone who could actually be an effective goalie.

Dan Ellis

• Make your own "Dan Ellis Problems" joke here.
• Thought that since he loses 18% of salary to ESCROW, he only needs to stop 18% of pucks.
• Because, well, since he only makes $1.5M by his own claims, he's not as good as goalies like Michael Leighton, Sergei Bobrovsky or any other goalie who makes more than he does.

Brian Boucher

• Thought he was stopping pucks because "boo!" sounds "BOOSH!"
• Since he hadn't played in forever, he just assumed that he was going in net for another practice and because of that failed the realize that this one counted.
• Because well, seriously people, when was Brian Boucher ever good.

Mike Smith

• Was too busy trying to figure out why he was getting the fail whale on Twitter.
• All the red lights he saw before entering the game caused him to go blind from the bench.
• Hey, he won the game, didn't he?

The Last 4 Unbeaten Teams and Their Dirty Little Secrets

So we have 4 unbeaten teams in the NHL, all of them are rather surprising, and this got me thinking, why is that these teams have stayed unbeaten for so long. Needless to say, I sent the DGS-SuperSpies to find out, and what they learned was rather enlightening.

• Team: -Dallas Stars-
  Reasons for Winning: Players no longer feel any pressure to perform because Mike Modano is no longer around to tell the stars stories of picking up a giant trophy in June after winning a 16 team tournament. Because of this lack of pressure, the Stars have concentrated on having fun on the ice and have accidentally won a few games.
  Reasons to Lose: Because Andrew Raycroft will be forced to play a game at some point this season.
  
• Team: -Nashville Predators-
  Reasons for Winning: Opposing forwards tend to be scared of the giant goaltenders in net for the Predators. On the other end of the ice, no one tries to block shots off the stick of Shea Weber out of fear that they will become the next Sami Salo.
  Reasons to Lose: They are the Nashville Predators.
  
• Team: -Toronto Maple Leafs-
  Reasons for Winning: Because the Leafs no longer employ Vesa Toskala. Also, the Leafs finally caught onto the idea that maybe pissing off Brian Burke is a bad idea.
  Reasons to Lose: If Colton Orr can lose a fight, then the Leafs can lose a game.
  
• Team: -Tampa Bay Lightning-
  Reasons for Winning: Employ a team of winners known as the 2008 Philadelphia Flyers.
  Reasons to Lose: In a second lapse of judgement, Steve Yzerman will trade Dan Ellis's problems to the Montreal Canadiens for Carey Price's cigarettes. This will cause Ellis to take up smoking before games leading to him to run out of money as well as talent. (PS: Dan Ellis's Problems will cause Habs fans to riot.)

Riley Cote: Top 5 NHL Career Moments

Well, today Riley Cote announced his retirement and is now gonna take on an assistant coaching job with the AHL Phantoms, so we here at DGS have decided to look at the Top 5 career moments of Riley Cote. It's a short career, but we can come up with 10 memorable Cote moments, right?

5: Cote's first fight, March 30, 2007 at NJ Devils

4. The two for one special: starring Asham, Rupp and Leblond




3. Cote vs Rechlicz in a marathon bout

2. Cote vs Roy round 2 from March 6, 2008




But what made this moment classic:






and before the number 1 Riley Cote moment, we look at some honorable mentions...



Cote vs McGrattan




Cote vs Fritz









And now, the #1 Riley Cote moment....





1. Riley Cote vs Carey Price!

Flyers Summer 2010 Offseason Needs, Part 1

So, with the season over, and sometime to digest the second place finish in the NHL. I will once again say this, congratulations to the Philadelphia Flyers, winners of the Prince of Wales trophy.

Well, with the season officially over, one must now look at the upcoming offseason, so I’m going to post what the Flyers need. For the record, I get all of my salary cap numbers from here so if you need to dispute me on something, that’s my source.

Now in order to start this, I'm gonna look at the 09-10 forwards based on the last lineup the Flyers dressed:


Gagne-Richards-Carter
Hartnell-Briere-Leino
JvR-Giroux-Asham
Powe-Betts-Lappy

Scratches: Carcillo, Cote, Laliberte, Nodl, Ross

How I think 10-11 will shape up:

Hartnell-Briere-Leino (Seriously, after their Finals showing, how can this NOT be the top line)
Richards-Carter-Giroux (Giroux's pretty goals IMO bump him up)
Gagne-JvR-Asham (JvR's been taking shifts in practice at center, like Giroux in 09-10, third line reps will get him experience)
Powe/Nodl/Laliberte-Betts-Lappy

Asham's UFA but if he resigns for say...2 years 750K, I'd be really happy

Carcillo's an interesting case, I have an up and down relationship with him. Asham does everything Carbomb does, with more discipline and better hands, but Carcillo's got a unique energy about him that lends itself to playing in Philly, I'm willing to keep him around for no more than 1.3 Million, at the same time, if we can trade him and land someone like a true #1 goalie


That's right, I peg 11 or all 12 of the forwards to return next year. Scott Hartnell saved his butt by having the Finals that he did, that being said, in my humble opinion, I think he's also the most likely to be moved. More on that later.

Who's expendable

The Player: Scott Hartnell
Why Expendable: Didn't perform well during the season and doesn't fit Lavi's up tempo system
Why He'd Be Wanted: His postseason numbers
Possible Destination: Toronto for Tomas Kaberle, Boston for Tim Thomas, Montreal for a first round draft pick or PK Subban, San Jose (Assuming Nabby stays and Marleau walks) for Thomas Greiss

The Player: Brian Boucher
Why Expendable: His regular season numbers
Why He'd Be Wanted: His 5 playoff games against the Devils
Possible Destination: Montreal, Dallas, San Jose, Chicago
To Montreal: For Carey Price in order to allow the Habs the cap space to keep Halak
To Dallas: for a 2nd round draft pick and a decent prospect D-man
To Chicago: For Dustin Byfuglien, I might be dreaming here but as WWEh noticed, the 'Hawks have massive cap problems next year and they could save ~$2 million
To San Jose: Assuming Nabby leaves and Marleau stays, the Sharks need a goaltender who comes cheap, that's Boucher, the Flyers could hopefully get a 4th round pick and a decent D-man for him

The Player: Andreas Nodl
Why Expendable: Too much depth at forward
Why He'd be Wanted: Solid depth forward, never will be above third line status, comes cheap
Possible Destination: Toronto, Montreal, Tampa Bay, Florida
To Toronto: oh wait, sorry, Burke won't trade for a European
To Montreal: The Habs DID trade for Scott Gomez...so, yeah...maybe Nodl goes here
Tampa Bay: Matt Smaby could play D for us, but honestly, TBL has nothing I'd really be interested in...other than Vinny, but a package of Hartnell, Nodl and Boucher for Vinny...seems fair to me...DTV is gonna shoot himself now...



The Needs:

this is easier to look at:

A real third D-pair
a real goalie


Later this week, I plan on doing a free agency based post with where the Flyers should go

Game 7 Preview #2: Habs at Caps

In part two of my entries on Game 7s in the first round, we look at the Eastern Conference, Habs and Captitals.

So we have the 8^th seeded Habs looking to upset top ranked President’s Trophy winning Washington.

Like it was done for the Coyotes/Wings, Down Goes Spezza has all you need to know.

Canadiens:

Pro: Have a set of skilled dynamic forwards who know how to move the puck around the offensive zone

Con: All of whom are less than 5 feet tall

Pro: Have set of strong leaders with playoff experience including Stanley Cup Winners Brian Gionta and Scott Gomez among others

Con: Also have Hal Gill, a free agent once signed by John Ferguson Jr. of the Toronto Maple Leafs

Pro: Will play game 7 in Washington, free of rioters who might try to set the team bus on fire.

Con: Will play game 7 in Washington, free of Belarusian mobsters who may try to make the Capitals disappear

Capitals:

Pro: Have a blue line anchored by Norris Trophy nominee Mike Green who is known for offensive playmaking abilities make him a threat to score at any time

Con: Have a blue line anchored by Trophy nominee Mike Green who is known for defensive playmaking abilities that make the other team a threat to score at any time

Pro: Captain Alex Ovechkin is an incredibly talented scorer who’s known for his ability to bat the puck out of mid air

Con: Coupled with his pitching ability, Ovechkin may be jumping ship to the Washington Nationals

Pro: In a gift to the team to prepare them for the playoffs, Captain Alex Ovechkin had “too hot to handle” sticks made for every player on the team

Con: Sticks were promptly used to start bonfires in post-game riots after game 6 in Montreal leaving the team with sticks that are "slightly warm" instead

Who’s going to win?

It seems the Capitals turned their backs on the series after going up 3-1. And of course, whenever something turns it back on the Capitals, Ovechkin promptly runs it into to the boards effectively destroying it for weeks to come. On the other side, Halak’s followed the tradition of Habs goaltenders started by Carey Price of smoking. Habs take game 7, then promptly get destroyed in the next round when Halak's fire goes out.