Social CORSI, or how to pick better friends

If you follow me on twitter, read my serious pieces or know me, then you know that I love math and Corsi. I crunch numbers, it's fun. In fact, it's so fun that I've come up with a Social Corsi scale that can be used to help you pick friends.

This doesn't bode well for Social
Corsi ratings.

Now most people use "feelings" and "emotions" when picking their friends. Or they use a +/- like system that's too dependent on the environment, just like +/- is heavily influenced by the play of the goalies.

So let's create a standard of Social Corsi to determine who are really the best friends. Also, with them, I have some examples of people you should get to know because they have high Social Corsi ratings. Oddly, I'm not one of them. Also, in order to show how Social Corsi works in accordance with perception, I'm going to compare the Social Corsi test subjects to current NHL stars. This should help you understand the rankings of Social Corsi.

First off, in Corsi, a player gets a +1 for shots on goal, missed shots and blocked shots while getting a -1 for the same 3 categories against. In Social Corsi one gets a +1 for good social things like: telling jokes, giving compliments, having fun Twitter banter, being insanely polite, starting clever twitter hashtags and funny trolling and a -1 for being unfunny, stupidly trolling, giving into RT requests from idiot fans, making silly RT requests.

More importantly, but when on Twitter checking a persons "follower" count for a high number doesn't guarantee quality.

For instance LeBron James has a ton of followers, but he's unfunny, a douche, an egotistical dirtbag and always disappears after 3. This is a bad Social Corsi rating. Now, on top of it all, he's competing with the NBA. A place where people pull guns on teammates. This is a low relative competition setting. Conclusion, LeBron James has the WORST Social Corsi Rel to QoC. Or, in short. LeBron is a douche.

On the other side, Steve Whyno. (@SWhyno) is a guy who seems like he's a horrible guy. He's always causing trouble to the point that #BlameWhyno will probably trend on Twitter at some point. Also, he openly admits to having a huge ego and finally, he ditched Philadelphia for DC faster than Jayson Werth. But, when you look deeper you see a few things. 1: #BlameWhyno is actually funny. 2: He will give quality banter. 3: If not for the humor he makes at his own expense, the world would be boring. That's a super high Social Corsi rating. In fact, Whyno is so misunderstood, he's like Jeff Carter. Many people perceive him to actually be the cause of their problems and take #BlameWhyno too seriously. They also assume that because of his ego, he's always wrong about everything and a bad writer. Just like Carter, people dwell too much on single-issue anecdotes not realizing that in the big picture Carter was a top tier NHL Center. Now, stop #BlameWhyno and realize, Steve Whyno is awesome. The only place Whyno loses points, Philadelphia is filled with "rude" people (according to Dan Carcillo) so therefore, Whyno's Social Corsi Rel QoC is still moderate.

Finally DGS Podcast guest Jaye Horbay. @HorbayJ is a guy who has a top social CORSI. He's always polite. He's great with jokes and getting involved in hashtags. Not only that, but he's a super frustrated Avalanche fan who is from Edmonton and now lives in Vancouver. Being in enemy territory like he is, it would be so easy for him vent his frustrations on the world constantly, but he NEVER does. Instead he gives out great advice with regards to his job and is a politely awesome guy. He's the king of Social Corsi as his Social Corsi is high and he puts up this high Social Corsi while seeing top competition making him the "champion" of Social Corsi Rel QoC.

Please note: this is the first time that Vancouver will EVER be the Champion of anything.

NHL Oops Moments

You know that moment you have when you realize something wasn't what it seemed? Like when people mistake me for Danny Briere (happened twice now). It's happened quite a bit around the NHL recently and we have a list of those moments compiled here.



The Event- Martin St Louis wears the new Lightning jerseys to a promotional event at a Tampa area sports store.
The Reaction- A little kid yells out, "LOOK, MOMMY, A SMURF!!!!!!!" (This is followed by kids asking Marty to sign their Disney movies...and parents wondering who that paid actor is...)



The Event- Danny Briere walks into a local coffee shop in South Jersey
The Reaction-The barista instantly says, "Your usual, DGS?"


The Event- Jaromir Jagr and Max Talbot sign with the Flyers.
The Reaction-Chris Pronger laughs maniacally as he reveals he stole the Penguins contract offers and replaced them with a Flyers offer instead.


The Event- The Rangers sign a UFA player.
The Reaction- Glen Sather still doesn't know who keeps adding extra years "0s" to each contract.



The Event- Wade Redden waived and assigned to AHL Hartford.
The Reaction- The Whale apparently were under the impression that they were getting an NHL send down, not an ECHL call up.


The Event- The Bruins execute a line change during the playoffs.
The Reaction- Paul Holmgren counted out the men, there's too many...oh god... GAGNE!


The Event- Eklund reports a trade rumor as e5
The Reaction- Crickets


The Event- David Poile asks for "Brent" in a trade with the Maple Leafs
The Reaction- Brian Burke hand writes the trade fax with "Brett" in it and makes sure to send Lebda to the Predators.

(Note: We have no proof about this, but it's the only logical explanation as to why anyone would ever trade FOR Brett Lebda)



The Event- A Sedin asks a linesman about a call during a stoppage prompting the linesman to say, "Well, Dan..."
The Reaction- "uhh...I'm Henrik"


The Event- Garth Snow jokingly says he intends to reacquire Roloson because of his playoffs successes.
The Reaction- In a "Milbury Moment" Snow acquires Brian Rolston instead.

NHL Baby Toys

I was talking to one of the 3 intelligent Caps fans on the planet, DCcheapSeats. She told me a story of how she took her niece to a Caps practice today and got her to say "hockey!" (and like most Caps fans, her niece pointed, said hockey and had absolutely no clue as to what she was talking about.)

Luckily, she'll be properly educated by the following list of NHL Baby Toys.




The Product- Baby's First Cooke
Why Your Child Needs It- Baby's first Cooke is a safe concussion inducing product that will teach your newborn how to properly throw elbows to the head behind the net and get away with it.
But Be Warned- No one will ever want to play with baby out of fear the Baby's First Cooke will try to kill it.


The Product- Tickle Me Pronger
Why Your Child Needs It- Tickle Me Pronger is a great way for your child to have fun. Depending how you tickle it Pronger will deliver different snarky retorts.
But Be Warned- It also has a tendency to elbow your child in the head, and recent models break easily and due to the "35+ Warranty" even if it breaks, you still are obligated to pay for it for the next 5 years if you give it back. However there is a loophole in the buyer's agreement, keeping it at home with the intent to fix it, will allow you to collect a reimbursement check equal to what you paid for it in order to guarantee you can buy another toy.




The Product- Uncle Paulie's Calculator
Why Your Child Needs It- Want your baby to learn math? Uncle Paulie's Calculator is a great tool for teaching your child basic mathematics.
But Be Warned- It's success rate is kind of terrible as Uncle Paulie was told "there would be no math"



The Product- The Hartnell Scooter
Why Your Child Needs It- The Hartnell Scooter is the perfect is the perfect little scooter for your young child to zip around the neighbor in.
But Be Warned- This scooter isn't very stable and tends to make your child fall over, a lot.


The Product- The Phila-Battery
Why Your Child Needs It- This battery is specially designed to be aerodynamic but light enough for your baby to throw. It will teach your child the lovely art of battery throwing in the Philly tradition.
But Be Warned-We're not saying you're a bad parent, but next time you tell your child something he/she doesn't like, we're not responsible for any blunt force trauma to your body if they turn it on you. We're also not responsible for damaged property or injuries incurred from damaged property when using this product



The Product- Luongo's First Goalie Pads for baby
Why Your Child Needs It- If you want your child to be a goalie, Luongo's First Goalie pads are designed specfiically for babies.
But Be Warned- Presents a huge choking hazard.


The Product- Easy Bake Emery
Why Your Child Needs It-Easy Bake Emery is the perfect way for your cranky child to relax, we're not quite sure what's in it, but it sure calms people down and makes them hungry.
But Be Warned- It's illegal in the USA.

The Product- Well-done Wellwood Oven

Why Your Child Needs It- Does your child seem to enjoy cooking? If so, the Well-Done Wellwood Oven is the perfect toy to teach your child how to cook. Why, just using the basic ingredients (sold separately) you can create snacks in under 20 minutes. 

But Be Warned- It's the leading cause of childhood obesity in the world due to the fact that it's not an oven, but a deep fryer.

The Product- Gillis Mystery Detective

Why Your Child Needs It-There's a conspiracy against the Canucks, help Mike Gillis solve it by playing this   video game and beating up such villains as Captain Serious and his evil sidekick girlfriend, Chelsea Dagger.

But Be Warned- The Murdersaurus is still an unbeatable enemy as for some reason, your party of HAMhuis, Bieksa and Raffi-Runner just refuse to fight it.

The Product- Hide and Seek with Chris Neil

Why Your Child Needs It-What child doesn't want to play hide and seek?

But Be Warned- It's impossible to find Chris Neil unless you're alone and defenseless. Seriously, I had Colton Orr with me the other day and Chris Neil was just impossible to find....

The Product- The Caps-Wagon

Why Your Child Needs It-This little red wagon is perfect for pulling your baby around the neighborhood. 

But Be Warned- It's made in Russia and breaks every April.