The Laviolette Line Lottery

Well, it seems that Lavi is at it again, just pulling lines at random and inserting them on to the ice. The thing is, these lines aren't random, in fact, the lines come from a come from a long list of rules that must be adhered to. Luckily, the DGS SuperSpies obtained this list and we're gonna share it.


1. Due to the lack of centers, Couturier, Briere, Schenn, Giroux and Talbot are not allowed to be on a line together.

2. Scott Hartnell falls for linemates, he has to removed from a line after falling to prevent the center from possibly having relations with his wife.

3. Danny Briere will take a stick foul if left with the same linemates for more than 2 consecutive shifts.

4. Paul Holmgren believes that changing Couturier's line fast enough will actually slow down time allowing him to slide Couturier even though he plays in 82 games.

5. After a shift, when Matt Read says, "and I learned that at Bemidji" State," any forward within ear shot has to go to the lockerroom to look up how to spell Bemidji.

6. Sometimes players miss shifts on account of being dazed from Chris Pronger's left elbow.

7. Jake Voracek hasn't quite learned the system of "rely on your talented young center to get you the puck"

8. Due to the smaller ice surface of North America, while sitting on the bench, Jagr actually thinks he's playing the game.

9. Peter Laviolette rotates his forwards on account of not having goalies to rotate anymore.

10. Paul Holmgren accidentally called out line changes from the GM's office...needless to say, like his math skills, his memory of lines leaves much to be desired.

Flyers Tweets (stick tap DTV)

So, Don't Trade Vinny did a piece on Lightning First Tweets

This got me thinking, what if some Flyers got twitter, what would they say...



@JagrBomb68: "Totally won the Jagr sweepstakes pool in Vegas. Made millions."

@FallingScott: "Fell flat on my back when I created this thing, but I'll keep trying"

@CaptElbows: "hey panotch...GUESS WHO #Winning"

@Kimmo44: "Drinking my secret Viking Warrior potion. SUOMI TIME!"

@BlairBetts: "OMG SOMEONE BOUGHT MY T-SHIRT!"

@Coburn5: "My nose is just a nose, I swear, it doesn't have superpowers"

@LatvianWolf: "HOWL! I'm pressbox wolf!"

@MeatTrainPHI: "I AM NOT JEFF CARTER!"

@LaviCakes: "Taking a 30 second tweet break to construct the best tweet ever"

@UnclePaulie: "First 25 attempts at this all failed, whats 140 limit? why is there math? I got told, there would be no math"

Summer Employment Opportunities

Tonight, the NHL season ends, there will be no more hockey until September when the preseason starts. Now, as we learned from Dan Ellis, ESCROW hurts NHL players. To make up for it, several NHL players have taken offseason jobs to help them make back their lost money.

By the transitive property, if I look like
Briere and Briere looks like Paul
then I must look like Paul.

Danny Briere: The Flyers Magical Spearing Midget has acquired a job making public appearances as the doppelganger for the head writer and creator of a little known NHL Comedy Site known as Down Goes Spezza. After that, Briere's pulling double duty and playing in a Beatles cover band.

I think Timmy needs to drop weight
for this job

Tim Thomas: Will be replacing Drew Carey on "The Price is Right" for a few episodes over the summer, no one will ever notice.


Mark Recchi: Will finally open an office to practice medicine, he's a doctor you know...and Dan Ellis will tell us, it is just as hard to be a hockey player as it is a doctor. This is why Recchi's an offseason doctor only.

Joel Lundqvist: Henrik's twin will actually represent his brother at all team events in the summer so Henrik can work on being a goaltender.

Paul Holmgren: So, it's not really a job, but Homer is gonna be attending summer school to learn how to do basic math. Addition of numbers and the concept of "greater than and less than" are in school.

Peter Laviolette: Will be delivering 30 second motivational speeches to anyone who needs them.

Brian Boucher: Will be professionally unemployed come July 1 and probably forever.

Maxim LaPierre, Alex Burrows, Daniel Carcillo: Will all move to the world of swimming as they are professional divers.

Hartnell Down or Versteeg Down- The Final Numbers

Hartnell Down ended at 330, over 90 games, meaning he fell 3.3 times a game, or 1.1 times a period.




Other things involving 3.3 in the NHL:

-The average amount of goals per period allowed through the 5-hole of Michael Leighton

-Number (in millions of US Dollars) Glen Sather will overpay for a player.

-Amount of times Pierre McGuire says "leadership" per sentence when talking about MIKE "OMG LEADERSHIP!!1111!1!11!" Richards

-Amount of times, per shift, Jeff Carter shoots high and wide

-Amount of dives Robert Luongo takes per period

-Amount of headshots Matt Cooke gave me while I wrote this post

-Amount of goalie changes Peter Laviolette makes per post season game.

-Amount of healthy players the Flyers had left for game 4 against Boston.

-Amount of time, in seconds, Nikolay Zherdev gave a crap about defense during the entire regular season

-Amount of time, in seconds, Nikolay Zherdev was lazy during the post-season






Versteeg Down (18 for round 2; 26 for round 1 for a playoff total of 44)

44 by numbers:

-The number worn by Kimmo Timonen; the Finnish God of Defense

-The amount of time, in minutes, that Chris Pronger was fully healthy during playoffs

-The amount of shots, needed to score 45 goals, on the Flyers goaltending this year

-Amount of time, in years, before Paul Holmgren decides that goaltending is important

-Amount of headshots occurring per period in every NHL playoff game...if you trust people's reactions via Twitter

-Amount of time, in hours, Sean Avery can go without saying something stupid

-Amount of time, in seconds, it will take Glen Sather to overpay for a free agent on July 1

-Amount of new rumors, per day, linking big name UFA's Brad Richards and Christian Ehrhoff to the Toronto Maple Leafs

-Amount of rumors, per hour, claiming Tampa Bay is going to trade their captain, Vincent Lecavalier.

-Measure, in inches, of Tim Thomas's waist

-Amount of PIMs Chris Pronger had in 2010-11.

-Amount of elbows to head Chris Pronger throws per game

How Peter Laviolette Picks His Starting Goaltender (Playoff Edition)

Many of you remember the goalie flowchart where I showed how Lavi picks his starting goalie. This is the playoff version.


Lavi rolls a pair of dice, depending on what comes up, Lavi picks the goalie:

snake eyes: Johan Backlund
pairs that aren't snake eyes: Michael Leighton
5,6,7,8,9 non pairs: Brian Boucher
3,4,10,11 non pairs: Sergei Bobrovsky



Now you know.

The Curious Case of the Flyers Leadership Problem (Another Editorial)

(Editor's Note: Matt originally wrote this piece for another site that he writes for, it was so popular there and sparked a lot of positive discussion that we thought it best to double post it here for the DGS regulars. If you want to read the article at its original location click here)


A lot of people have recently began to loudly and vocally question whether or not Mike Richards should be wearing the "C" in Philadelphia. These people are mostly angry Flyers fans who seem to think that Richards is the sole holder of the blame of the Flyers struggles over the last 20 games. But is Mike Richards really the problem? I say not exactly.

First off, let's look at what wearing the "C" on your sweater actually means from a league perspective. The "C" is used to define who the captain of the team is. This means that the player with the "C" has the responsibility of delegating with the referees over disputed calls, communicating messages from the coach to the referees or scorers bench or timekeeper or penalty box staff. This is it, there's no provision that the "C" has to be 'pleasant' to the media. There's no provision that the "C" has to be excessively vocal or score 80 points a season. There's NO provision that a "C" has to like the city's baseball team. Richards handles his assigned duties well, and he's respected in the lockerroom by his teammates, coaches and GM.

So, what is the problem then? Well, I personally began to think, what if there are too many cooks in the Flyers kitchen. Now, I already mentioned Richards, but let's look at some of the other people in and around the Flyers.

Peter Laviolette is a very hands on, outspoken, active coach who doesn't mix words and tends to keep secrets from the media, and probably his players too, even though I cannot prove that.

Chris Pronger is a vocal, loud leader who isn't afraid to call teammates out while wearing the "A" for alternate captain.

Kimmo Timonen has recently taking to calling for hustle and urgency from his teammates in his straight to the point style.

Sean O'Donnell is a 39 year old veteran who's won a cup, when Pronger is being sarcastic to the media, SOD is usually the guy giving detailed answers to the media because of Richards media shortcomings and Pronger's massive use of sarcasm and snark.

Danny Briere is a former Captain of the Buffalo Sabres. His scoring touch and willingness to handle the French speaking media has been helpful to the team as he's the most experienced Francophone on the team. Also, his skill in the playoffs, even being called Mr Playoffs makes people look to him as a person who should be emulated during crunch time.

Jody Shelley's another player who, like OD, has a respected veteran voice in the lockerroom. This voice is why Lavi refused to scratch him during the middle of the season.

During the preseason, the following players wore "A"s: Braydon Coburn, Claude Giroux, Blair Betts, Darroll Powe and Scott Hartnell.

That's 10 players with leadership experience when there's 20 players on the ice. That's 50% of the team. Each person has their own unique style and while they seem to work together, and for sure intend to work together, are they somehow actually causing detriment to the team. Are they actually corrupting young and new players like Bartulis, Meszaros, Versteeg, Zherdev, Carcillo and the rest of that other half of the team.

To me the phrase "Too many cooks in the kitchen ruins the soup" comes to mind here. All of these guys together, no matter how hard they try, are not going to be 100% unified on every issue. Not only that, but the more "leaders" and "alpha personalities" in one room, the more likely that small issues will actually be big issues if the natural egos of leaders start rubbing together. There's something to be said about having a small corps of leaders, and maybe the Flyers recent struggles have lasted so long because the team's leadership had too many different ideas on how to stop it. It's a slippery slope, and quite honestly, none of us are in that lockerroom all the time to really know what's going on, but this playoff run will truly test this group. If they can get it together, this team has the talent to go far, if not, maybe, the solution is trading these "leaders" for solid players with more passive personalities so the committed long term leaders like Richards and Carter who will wear the orange and black for another decade, can really lead this team.

Maybe that's the answer, or maybe I'm just crazy.

How Peter Laviolette Picks His Starting Goaltender

Earlier today while Lavi was bag skating the Flyers the DGS SuperSpies got into his office and found a flowchart that Lavi uses to decide who is the starting goalie. It's rather englightening.

Flyers New Year's Resolutions

Well, the Flyers are out on the Pacific Coast for a little road swing leaving DGS all alone with nothing to do except snoop around in the snow. What I found, was well, interesting. It's a list of the Flyers New Year's Resolutions. In the interest of doing a public service, I'm sharing it with the world.


Jeff Carter: To not get caught up in rumors involving sleeping with the spouses of other players.

Chris Pronger: To only steal things that are actually worth stealing. Fuck that, Pronger's too awesome to resolve to do anything.

Daniel Carcillo: Will hopefully remove Crosby's stache

Darroll Powe: To hopefully prove he's more than just a name

Danny Briere: To live up to his nickname of the "Magical Spearing Midget".

The Spear may be breaking,
but it's legacy lives on.

Claude Giroux: To practice safe deking as fan-related pregnancies are sky-rocketing.

Matt Walker: To get off LTIR. (Hip Surgery free in 2011)

Mike Richards: Break up with Pierre McGuire.

Sergei Bobrovsky: Bob.

Nikolay Zherdev: To become the first 40 goal scorer, without tallying double digit assists.

Michael Leighton: Well, it was going to be close the 5-hole, but given the state of things, he'll just settle to use the 5-hole in a live action game with the Flyers.

Brian Boucher: To learn Russian in hopes that it adds to the "List of Reasons to Keep Boosh Over Leights."

Scott Hartnell: To fall down less. (Okay, who is he kidding - to grow his hair back.)

Ville Leino: To help Homer clear cap space to sign him. (Collateral Damage may include Michael Leighton getting hurt again)

Jody Shelley: To score goals - that's what he's here for, duh!

Yes that's Jody Shelley, no, there
was no Photoshopping here.

Andreas Nodl: To crack into double digits in goals. He's grateful for whatever he gets, because Noodle Power keeps Philly running.

Blair Betts: To win more face-offs. To get noticed by someone.

Ian Laperriere: To teach the Phantoms heart - he has enough for all of them anyway.

James van Riemsdyk: To not take naps when the Eagles are completing a miraculous comeback. 

Kimmo Timonen: To construct a helmet that looks like a Viking helment because it would look cool, because Kimmo's our little Viking warrior. 

Viking Kimmo: Now you know his dirty secret.

Braydon Coburn: It seems vain, but he's looking to have a beak reduction so he can see the goal better when he shoots. 

Matt Carle: To prove he can look good without Pronger by his side. Because well, ya know Pronger's elbows are just so ugly....

Andrej Meszaros: To continue playing the way he did in Ottawa, not the way he did in Tampa. 

Oskars Bartulis: To find subtle ways to keep defensemen out of the line up so he can play. 

Sean O'Donnell: People who look like John LeClair are exempt from making resolutions. 

Peter Laviolette: To find an effective gum holder so he can yell at referees. (We personally recommend using the gum to hold Matt Walker's hips together)

Things The Flyers Are Thankful for this Thanksgiving

Have you ever wondered what the Flyers are thankful for this year? Guess what, the DGS superspies were able to find out.

Sergei Bobrovsky: "No English"

James van Riemsdyk: "That Nik Zherdev takes up Lavi's doghouse so no one notices that I suck"

Scott Hartnell: "My awesome wife Lisa"

Chris Pronger: "My Elbows"

Jeff Carter: "Lisa Hartnell"

Brian Boucher: "The fact that fans still say my name even I suck"

Jody Shelley: "Paul Holmgren's way of thinking, he gave me one hell of a contract"

Andrej Meszaros: "I was thankful for getting out of Tampa, til I realized Rick Tocchet came to Philly too"

Claude Giroux: "The ability to score on the ice with my stick, ;-)"

Peter Laviollette: "Timeouts"

Paul Holmgren: "Glen Sather's continued employment- it makes me look good"

Michael Leighton: "Getting to spend time in upstate NY"

The Home Opener

Tonight's not about humor. For that, have a laugh at the Wiz telling  Sean Avery what he thinks about him.


So last night I attended the Flyers/Avalanche game at the Wells Fargo Center. The Flyers raised their 2009-2010 banner in honor of the Stanley Cup runner up team and winner of the Prince of Wales Trophy. Anyway the Flyers aired their video tribute to the team reminding us fans of some of the great moments of the season like

• Brian Boucher stopping Olli Jokinen in the great shootout of game 82.
• Dan Carcillo scoring in OT of game 3 against the Devils in the first round.
• Peter Laviollette's great time out speech down 3-0 in game 7 against the Boston.
• Mike Leighton's great saves against the Habs in the Conference Finals
• Mike Richards shorty against Halak
• Jeff Carter sealing the win in game 5 against the Habs with an empty netter.

What's missing? Every reference to Simon Gagne who was a key contributor to the playoff success of the team.

Why is that you ask? Well no one has said anything for sure, but from following Sarah Baicker and Frank Seravalli on Twitter has shown both sides of the story.

My opinion is not an easy one to follow, as a fan of both the Flyers and the game of hockey, I totally wanted to see Simon's important moments up there with the rest of the team. History cannot be rewritten, Gagne was one of the most important parts of the Flyers for the last decade.

As a fan of pro-wrestling, mainly the WWE, I am in no way shocked by this. Vince McMahon has removed countless WWE Superstars from videos that the WWE uses on television all the time. He's pretty much ordered Chris Benoit be removed from WWE history in every way after the 2007 Benoit double murder suicide incident. He's removed multi-time World Champion Jeff Hardy from the videos that air as every show starts because Jeff Hardy now works for rival promotion TNA. 

Now there are some big differences between Gagne and the WWE. For one, both the Lightning and Flyers are part of the NHL, so using Simon Gagne should NOT be a legal problem, whereas in wrestling, if one company uses footage from another company's show, they would need to pay for it. Also, the Flyers know that Gagne had a huge following here in Philadelphia, most fans loved Simon Gagne. Had Simon gone up on the video, there's a good chance he would have gotten cheered before the Philadelphia boo-birds rained down boos on the Flyers front office personnel, (noticeably absent during all this was Flyers GM Paul Holmgren).

The Flyers were left in a lose-lose situation regarding Gagne in last nights video. Either put him up and let an energetic, demanding fan base possibly ruin what could have been an important moment regarding the success of a team because of one player, or, do what they did, and leave Gagne out, knowing full well that he was an integral part of the team's success.

If all goes well, put up a tribute to Simon on Thursday, the Bolts are in town and he's gonna get one hell of an ovation.

Peter Laviolette's Pregame Speech for Game 4

In order to make sure that the Flyers stayed motivated and were prepared for Game 4. Coach Lavi sat the team down in the lockerroom before the morning skate and delivered an important message. Lavi has a way with words, just look at what his timeout during game 7 against Boston did. Anyway, unbeknown to the Flyers, the DGS SuperSpies were hiding in the Flyers lockerroom during this speech and they got it all on tape. So without further ado, here's the video of what went down this morning:

It's not so bad, is it...

I think the title says it all. The question of course is, "Is being down 2-0 the nail in the coffin?" The answer is "it might be, it could very well be, but as the Flyers proved against the Bruins, it ain't over until the last game is played"

The Flyers have the talent to come back, they have the tools and Lavi has shown he's can rally the troops with the right timeouts and at the right times.

Is a change in goal the answer?

Maybe, just maybe the team can be sparked by Boucher in net, stranger things have happened, see Flyers 2009-2010 season.


Now, before I bow out into a pit of despair and depression from being down 2-0 and the fact that I'm still single...I do have some humor for today. A bunch of possible situations that are worse than what the Flyers are in right now...



1. They could have finished in last place and not had a draft pick to show for it...luckily that award went to the Toronto Maple Leafs

2. They could have had a season characterized by horrible goaltending and drama caused by changing Captains midseason....that honor went to the Carolina Hurricanes

3. They could have no idea where there home games are being played next year due to the impending sale of their team to an unknown buyer....that winner of that prize, the Phoenix Coyotes

4. They could tease us every year with a team that looks stacked and owns everything in sight during the regular season only to choke horribly in the playoffs...I'm looking at you San Jose

5. They could play in a city that riots after every single win...Est cette vraie, Montréal?


Also, when it comes to the players:

Mike Leighton and Brian Boucher COULD be Robert Esche and Roman Cechmanek or Martin Biron and Antero Niittymaki, of course, the way injuries went this season, there were 50/50 odds of us entering this series with Backlund/Duchesne in net...

Chris Pronger COULD be Randy Jones

Playoff Briere COULD be Not-Playoff Briere

Mike Richards COULD be NOT BOBBY CLARKE 2010

Simon Gagne COULD be Eric Lindros 2.0



Anyway, hopefully something turns around for the Flyers back in this city...

Why Losing Game 1 is NOT the end of the world

Real simple idea behind this post. It's some reasons why losing game 1 was not the end of the world for the Flyers. I don't intend to have any wit or sarcasm in this post, but hey, things happen and maybe something funny will pop up.

1. After being out of it for 8 days the Flyers showed a lot of rust early on, that should come off as the series goes on.

2. The Flyers proved that Rask is beatable. Rask isn't as inhuman as some make him out to be, in related news, the guy who drafted this guy is a genius. (whoops, I meant JFJ is a moron for trading him.)

3. Dan Carcillo can stay in control of himself and play solidly.

4. The Powe/Betts/Nodl line has a lot of potential as checkers.





Things that the Flyers need to win:

1. Brian Boucher needs to not dip into one of his cold streaks.

2. The Flyers need to win faceoffs

3. The Flyers need to keep traffic in front of Rask

4. While I don't wish injuries on anyone, the Flyers need to take advantage of the lack of Sobotka, and Sturm and get to Boston in Game 2.

5. Richards/Pronger need to rally the troops and keep the team unified.

6. Danny Briere needs to be more responsible in the defensive zone, I'm not asking for Selke award winning stuff, but he needs to be in the right place at the right time.

Flyers 4 Devils 1,

Game 4 has gone final...

Flyers 4, Devils 1

Flyers lead series 3-1

Well, in short, after an early game PK issue, the Flyers finally got on track and dominated the Devils to take a commanding 3 games to 1 lead in the best of 7 series. For any fans of the Toronto Maple Leafs who may be reading this blog, I will pause now so you can look up what "playoffs" are.

What we learned:

Ilya Kovalchuk doesn't fit in the Devils system.

Seriously, even when he scores, he doesn't seem like he is helping his team. Kovi doesn't seem like a team player, and in a system that stresses discipline like the Devils, he doesn't fit.

Martin Brodeur isn't that good anymore.

I've been saying this for years. Brodeur was made by the D in front of him. Is he one of the top 5 of all the time, maybe, top 10, surely. But right now, in 2010, Brodeur is nothing special. As my blogging idol Mr. Down Goes Brown would put it, Brodeur might be as fat as Kyle Wellwood.
Don't believe me, you should.

The Flyers are finally playing to their potential.

The Flyers are playing like the team they were hyped to be back in September. And they're doing in front of Brian Boucher. Jeff Carter finally came out of his scoring funk and Dan Carcillo continued to wreck the Devils with his scoring touch. Yeah, I'm on the Carcillo bandwagon now, and I missed Upshall for a while after his trade.

Peter Laviolette knows how to use a timeout

He drew up the play that led to the goal that put the game out of reach. The Devils are in trouble, and all the pressure is on them. Now Lavi needs to keep outcoaching
the Devils so the Flyers can wrap this up on Thursday.