Tuesday Morning Coffee Break: November 9

Holy god, it's been a hell of a long time since I did one of these. It's Tuesday, so drink coffee and enjoy some other hockey blogs.

• Jason from DWYDN has some NHLOL for us. I hated one, the rest were awesome.
• Intent to Blow finds out how suspensions work because the flow chart and wheel of justice aren't enough
• DGB has the guide to booing and a certain player knows what he did.
• Hab It Her Way makes her debut on DGS telling us why Dustin Boyd got waived. Honestly, what I love most about this amazing Habs blog is what she says about me in her blog roll.
• DTV has some special Crosby information for us. I got 2 words for ya: GOT DIVING!

The Blogging Psychologist: Case Study #2: Alex Burrows

Seriously, my GM is out
to get me. He changes
the uniform every year.

So in today's second installment of my blogging psychologist profiles, we look at Vancouver Canucks Alex Burrows. I know it's been a while since we did our first profile, Chris Pronger, but do check it out if you need to remember how this works.




Anyway, Mr. Burrows has presented with claims of feeling that a Mr. Stephane Auger is out to get him. Now some of these feelings may be based on Mr. Burrows inability to process what's real and what's not. Others may be an overreaction to legitimate concerns. Luckily we here at Down Goes Spezza were able to analyze the data that we were given. Unlike Mr. Pronger who showed traits of many mood and personality issues, Mr. Burrows only displays the traits of one personality disorder. Mr. Burrows appears to suffer from Paranoid Personality Disorder.

Bro, I heard you're good at
defending, well defend me
from Auger, please.

Kesler dude, can you see if
he's out to get me?

Mr. Burrows has had a feeling that many people are out to get him. We all remember his little tiff with NHL referee Stephane Auger for being out to get him. Now Burrows spent a lot time in the penalty box which proves that he was either making an excuse for being a horrible hockey player, or, he was right, Mr. Auger was out to get him. Now, I think we should side with Mr. Burrows as Mr. Auger has made a near infinite amount of some questionable calls.

Wait? Even goalies are out to
get me. FML.

Now of course, Mr. Burrows has shown flashes of talent on the ice. But he also seems to have some other complaints. For one, he keeps talking about the Sedins as if they are one person. He sometimes  attempts to deny the existence of Daniel Sedin.

All in all, I feel like it's safe to say that Mr. Burrows is slightly paranoid in that he feels like the referees are out to get him. But hey, you never really know with these guys, suffice it to say that Mr. Burrows probably has Paranoid Schizophrenia, not Paranoid Personality Disorder. This is because of his hallucinations regarding the lack of existence of one "Daniel Sedin".

Luckily, the prognosis is good for Mr. Burrows. We must talk through his feelings about people like Mr. Auger and maybe have him hang out with both Sedin twins. Hopefully Mr. Burrows will then be able to function on society.

Ilya Kovalchuk comes clean about why he got scratched.

So tonight, the world was shocked when Ilya Kovalchuk was scratched by the Devils for last night's game. Luckily the DGS-SuperSpies were able to get a hold of Ilya after the game and ask him what was going on. With that, we have Ilya's reasons for why he got scratched, straight from his mouth.

(Editor's note: We were gonna run another psych profile today, but DGS had to go hurt his knee during a pickup hockey game)

• Needed time to be schooled in the idea of playing defensively on the ice
• Has a little known "reverse Escrow clause" in his contract, he gets paid 100% of his contract but will miss 18% of games over the 15 years.
• Needed to visit his shrink to talk about the depression of spending 15 years in NJ.
• Just realized that he agreed to spend 15 years in NJ
• Threw a hissy fit because Martin Brodeur ate his pregame meal
• Told the coaching staff he wanted a "nap time" clause during games in the manner of Ondrej Pavelec
• Had to fulfill his role as a Russian Spy.
• Wanted to fly back to Russia to have his family from famine caused by Kyle Wellwood playing in the KHL.
• Didn't see the need to dress as Buffalo lacks enforcers. (Stick tap to Kevin S. of In Lou We Trust)

DGS 100th Post Spectacular

Hey guys! Guess what! DGS has a 100th post event for today, and tomorrow the 101st post.

Back in April, when I started, I had to beg my friends to view my site in order to get views. Now, I get a few hundred views every day. To all my loyal readers, thank you. If this is your first time here, welcome, please come back.

Those few hundred views a day are a result of some of my friends on the blogosphere. I've gotten mentioned in several other far more established blogs. Seriously, look below.

Down Goes Brown Friday Funnies April 2010

Stay Classy Linkshare Day September 2010

Intent To Blow Stuff We Missed this Week August 2010

If you want to complain, or compliment me, leave a comment in the box below or drop me an email at Down Goes Spezza.

I'd like to first give out a couple of thank-yous to some very important people.

Stay Classy
Don't Trade Vinny
Intent to Blow
Blades of Funny
Down Goes Brown
Bloge Salming
Discard What You Don't Need
Pat Kane's Loose Change



10 of my favorite posts that I've written:

• NHL Relocations
  
• NHL Tampering
  
• Jeff Carter and Scott Hartnell have a little chat on AIM
  
• Possible Expansion of the NHL
  
• Consolation Prizes for Teams Eliminated in the First Round of the Playoffs
  
• Dustin Byfuglien is Missing
  
• The Peter Laviolette Motivational Speech
  
• Seven Signs the Flyers will win the 2010 Stanley Cup (hey, I came damn close to being right)
  
• What Type of Player are you? (Part 2) (Thanks to Stay Classy for Part 1)
  
• Hockey Dictionary for Dummies (Thanks to DTV for Part 1)

If you're not following me on Twitter, click on my twitter feed on the right and head on over and check me out there. Thank you again for all your support, you guys rock.

Tuesday Morning Coffee Break: August 31

Hey guess what, it's Tuesday, and you are bored at work. Don't worry, we have a Tuesday morning coffee break for you today. So grab some coffee, a muffin and sit back and prepare to laugh with the links DGS has for you today!!!!

• Stay Classy delivers a post on different types of hockey players in the world. Run yourself up against the profiles and see who you are.
• Intent to Blow recently became my favorite hockey blog because they mentioned me. Oh yeah, they also got the inside scoop on what Kyle Wellwood's demands for his new contract are. (Hint: NOT SALAD!)
• Hoosier Hockey helps take up the cause of bloggers being plagiarized. I support him fully (possibly because I believe in Blogger's Rights and possibly because I want to appear on his Podcast and possibly because Peter is a solid dude who's a great guy and huge DGS supporter). Enough said.
• Hockey Broad discusses Justin Bieber's role in hockey marketing. Yes I know, you probably want to puke but honestly, take a deep breath, free your mind, and just read her out. 
• Blades of Funny adds some quotes to Willie Mitchell. I laughed hard at this post. 
• Discard What You Don't Need a blogging newcomer discusses how to draft your NHL fantasy team. If I could recommend one guy over the rest on this list, it's this guy right here, Jason is a solid up and coming blogger with a brighter future than his team, the Dallas Stars. He also has a brighter future than Taylor Hall once Hall gets the hell out of Edmonton. 

Now that you've had some good reads, get back to work. Have a productive day, and we will see you tomorrow.

Tuesday Morning Coffee Break: August 3

Hey, it's been a long time since I did one of these, but never fear, we have another coffee break for you.

So sit back, grab a coffee, some donuts, and enjoy some great hockey related fun.

• Down Goes Brown delivers a look at other grievances the NHLPA has filed along with the Ilya Kovalchuk grievance. Needless to say, I have one of my own to add, I hereby declare DGB to be the funniest Maple Leafs blogger/writer on the planet. I now have a grievance that he does not post enough.
• Blades of Funny tells us there's nothing to write about, but delivers an amazing post making me wish I had nothing to write about as well.
• Intent to Blow goes on an in depth investigation to tell us just how Sami Salo got hurt this last time around. The results are hilarious and involve Sedin jokes.
• Stay Classy takes a nice look at Down Goes Brown's writing talent and the fact that DGB finally made it big-time. We hope DGB doesn't take up any of the positions for his writing that Stay Classy has told him to go after.
• Don't Trade Vinny gives us the latest in the Stevie Saga with a look at Mr. Yzerman's recent arrest in Montreal. Why do I have an odd feeling this isn't the end of Steve Yzerman's legal trouble? Check back tomorrow to find out why because the DGS-SuperSpies are on the case.

Tuesday Morning Coffee Break: June 29

Hey hey, another coffee break, another day to wonder about what else is going on in the hockey world. Guess what, DGS has the answers, check them out below.

• Grades on the Draft: Brought to you by Puck Daddy at Yahoo sports. He handles this with his normal style and flair, good draft day post, also, saves me the time of grading NHL teams not based in Philadelphia.
• The Hall of Fame: Our Blogging Idol, Down Goes Brown looks at the cases for the Hockey Hall of Fame, he comes with interesting conclusions, hilarity ensues.
• Meet Guy Boucher: DGS's blogging brother, Don't Trade Vinny, helps Bolts fans get to know new coach Guy Boucher by comparing him to previous coach Rick Tocchet. First time I read this, I legitimately almost choked to death on the pizza I was eating.
• Source of NHL Trade Rumors Revealed: Coming to you with Intent to Blow, err..from Intent to Blow, yeah, they have how NHL trade rumors get made, Eklund is again, the worst source ever.

And for a non hockey perspective on the offseason; WingsWinEh discusses animal mating rituals. Kinda creepy but fun none the less.

Tuesday Morning Coffee Break: June 8

So, in following the tradition of many other sites, mainly Friday Funnies from Down Goes Brown, and Making Babies with Other Blogs from Blades of Funny as well as #FollowFriday on Twitter, Down Goes Spezza would like to present you with your Tuesday Morning Coffee Break, every so often, I'll post links to some of the best hockey humor that I've found scouring the internets. Who knows maybe I'll end up giving up World of Warcraft for this. In related news: DGS is still single.

• Blades of Funny investigates the Flyers/Habs Sandgate incident. He has quite a few suspects and all of them seem rather interesting. Check it out before sand ends up on your skates
• Down Goes Brown tells us what Ron Maclean was thinking when he saved a drowning man. DGB is comedic gold for anyone who hasn't seen his site yet.
• Stay Classy has the exclusive transcript of a conversation between Jason Spezza and Bryan Murray. Spezza is kind of important to me you know....
• Don't Trade Vinny, my blogging brother, good friend, and all around good (single) guy checks in this week as well, ladies, visit his site and help him out. Anyway, DTV shows us the NHL's charitable side with a post on heroism in hockey.
• Intent to Blow spends a day with Chris Pronger, something that I would love to do but have not been able to.
• Wings Win Eh has an interesting take on life without hockey. Check out these Red Wings fans getting into another sport, competitive spelling. I enjoyed it.
• Bloge Salming's video "How To Pronounce Byfuglien" finally explains many things...
  

Anyway, thanks for reading. Now get back to work before you get fired for reading too much hockey humor!