Where in the world is Dustin Byfuglien?

So I was reading some Puck Daddy earlier and I noticed that he said that Dustin Byfuglien is the "proud new owner of a t-shirt that reads 'Property of Chris Pronger'". Which, for anyone who's watched this series so far, has been kind of true. Pronger has completely nullified Byfuglien's effectiveness in the offensive zone. Earlier today though, I saw something more shocking, a missing person's report asking for the safe return of Byfuglien. This got me thinking, where in the world is Dustin Byfuglien. Well, Down Goes Spezza called the DGS SuperSpies together and we sat down, got some coffee, played some World of Warcraft and then came up with possibilities of where Dustin could have gone. Now, our list is possibly incomplete and therefore if you know where Byfuglien is, please inform us.






Option 1: Dustin Byfuglien caught Hossa Syndrome and is therefore completely useless in the Stanley Cup Finals

Likelihood: Moderate, time will tell if Byfuglien is the new Hossa.

Final Verdict: Possible, we need to see how Byfuglien plays in Toronto next year when, in order to free up cap space, the Hawks send Byfuglien to the Leafs for a century's worth of first round Draft Picks




Option 2: After closing out the Sharks, Byfuglien decided to do something nice and let Joe Thornton suit up for the Hawks in his place

Likelihood: Very Likely, this Byfuglien impostor has been about as useful as Jumbo Joe is during the playoffs.

Final Verdict: I have yet to see a distinct choking motion, and after having watched McNabb play for the Eagles, I know what those look like.




Option 3: Byfuglien is too busy running BP and trying to stop the Gulf Oil Spill

Likelihood: Miniscule, because quite honestly nothings working on either side here.

Final Verdict: Is Chris Pronger keeping the cap from working? If so, then we found Byfuglien



Option 4: Pierre McGuire creeped out Byfuglien causing Byfuglien to pay more attention to McGuire than the game.

Likelihood: Honestly, who hasn't McGuire creeped out.

Final Verdict: McGuire is creepy....