The Jaromir Jagr-Chris Pronger Transcript

Many people were shocked by the Flyers signing Jaromir Jagr last week. In fact, we all thought he would sign with the Penguins, Habs, or Red Wings, but then were surprised when in fact, Paul Holmgren inked Jagr. Later on in the day, it was revealed that Chris Pronger made a phone call to Mr. Jagr. Luckily the DGS Super Spies were able to snag a transcript of that call. Here it is, for you.

He's watching you, ready to trade you
as soon as you sign a long
term contract with a future NMC

Jagr- Dobré odpoledne. Já jsem Jaromír Jagr.

Pronger- Jaromir? This is Chris Pronger. We need to chat.

Jagr- Oh, Mr. Pronger, Lord of the Elbows.

Pronger- That's me!

Jagr- Why you call here?

Pronger- We need to talk.

Jagr- About?

Pronger- Who do you plan on signing with?

Jagr- The Penguins of course.

Pronger- Now why would you do that?

Pronger- We need to talk.

Jagr- Why?

Pronger- Because I don't like the Penguins

Jagr- But you're not playing for the Penguins, I am. What's the big deal?

Pronger- I don't like the Penguins.

Jagr- I don't see how this affects me, however.

Pronger- Do you remember my elbows? 

Jagr- Yes.

Pronger- What do my elbows do?

Jagr- Give people concussions. Break jaws. Injure people.

Pronger- Do you see where this is going? The cold Siberian winters haven't frozen your brain now have they.

Jagr- If I sign with Pittsburgh, you're going to elbow me, aren't you?

Pronger- 6 games, 3 periods, we each should have 10-12 shifts a game against each other. So, assume 20-24 elbows per game. 

Jagr- I shall sign with Philly, but there's no cap space. 

Pronger- Like cap space is a problem. Holmgren can't do math. Fleece him like I did. I have a 35+ contract worth nearly 5M per season. It runs until I'm 43.

Jagr- I shall call Holmgren now. Thank you, Mr. Pronger.