Summer Employment Opportunities

Tonight, the NHL season ends, there will be no more hockey until September when the preseason starts. Now, as we learned from Dan Ellis, ESCROW hurts NHL players. To make up for it, several NHL players have taken offseason jobs to help them make back their lost money.

By the transitive property, if I look like
Briere and Briere looks like Paul
then I must look like Paul.

Danny Briere: The Flyers Magical Spearing Midget has acquired a job making public appearances as the doppelganger for the head writer and creator of a little known NHL Comedy Site known as Down Goes Spezza. After that, Briere's pulling double duty and playing in a Beatles cover band.

I think Timmy needs to drop weight
for this job

Tim Thomas: Will be replacing Drew Carey on "The Price is Right" for a few episodes over the summer, no one will ever notice.


Mark Recchi: Will finally open an office to practice medicine, he's a doctor you know...and Dan Ellis will tell us, it is just as hard to be a hockey player as it is a doctor. This is why Recchi's an offseason doctor only.

Joel Lundqvist: Henrik's twin will actually represent his brother at all team events in the summer so Henrik can work on being a goaltender.

Paul Holmgren: So, it's not really a job, but Homer is gonna be attending summer school to learn how to do basic math. Addition of numbers and the concept of "greater than and less than" are in school.

Peter Laviolette: Will be delivering 30 second motivational speeches to anyone who needs them.

Brian Boucher: Will be professionally unemployed come July 1 and probably forever.

Maxim LaPierre, Alex Burrows, Daniel Carcillo: Will all move to the world of swimming as they are professional divers.

Hockey versus Baseball

So my blogging idol, Down Goes Brown, has done comparisons between Soccer and Hockey, Football and Hockey and Basketball and Hockey, but I didn't see any baseball on his list. (God help me if I'm wrong.)

Well, we here at Down Goes Spezza have decided to come up with a comparison between hockey and baseball for the good of helping hockey fans everywhere understand it. The reason for this is most likely you'll be forced to watch the MLB playoffs in October instead of opening night because well, the NHL doesn't have a tv deal with a normal channel yet.



MLB: Players have been known to have great performances ruined by the horrible officiating of Jim Joyce.
NHL: Players have been known to have great performances ruined by the horrible officiating of Kerry Fraser, Stephane Auger, video goal judges in Pittsburgh, Gary Bettman and just about every other official in the game.


MLB: Players who violate rules are suspended according to strict guidelines such as 50 games for a positve PEDs test, and 10 games for using corked bats.
NHL: Players are suspended according to usage of a super secret flowchart. (At what point does Down Goes Brown decide to sue me?).

MLB: Players who do not perform well for their team can be sent down to a minor league organization known as Triple-A.
NHL: Players who do not perform well for their team can be sent down to a minor league organization known as the Calgary Flames.

MLB: Players have been known to embellish being hit by a pitch in order to get first base. (see Derek Jeter)
NHL: Players have been known to embellish being hit by high sticks or tripped in order to get a 2 minute Powerplay for their team. (see: Dan Carcillo, Max Lapierre, Sidney Crosby, Matt Bradley, Sean Avery).

MLB: Poor sportsmanship usually manifests itself in dirty slides and players throwing at each other.
NHL: Poor sportsmanship usually manifests itself in concussions after a Chris Pronger elbow to the skull.

MLB: Players with major weight issues have been known to throw perfect games.
NHL: Players with major weight issues have been known to become internet memes.


MLB: Players can sign insanely long contracts with NTCs that keep them in the same city for an entire career without fear of the contract being rejected due to the lack of a salary cap.
NHL: Players can sign insanely long contracts with NTCs that keep them in the same city for an entire career without fear of the contract being rejected due to the lack of enforcement of the salary cap. (DGB's urge to sure is rising...if he actually reads my blog).

MLB: Players can score from 2nd base, a distance of 180 feet, on a poorly hit ball by a stroke of luck known as a seeing-eye hit.
NHL: Players can score from a the defensive zone, a distance of 180 feet, on a poorly shot puck by shooting against Vesa Toskala. (If DGB hasn't decided to sue me yet, he sure will now)

MLB: Players have been known to have legal trouble due to steroid use and lying about it to the US Congress
NHL: Players have been known to have legal trouble due to dealing with shady Belorussian mobsters.

MLB: Players on bad teams such as the Florida Marlins also have to worry about horribly hot weather as well as hurricanes.
NHL: Players on bad teams such as the Edmonton Oilers still have to spend winters in chilly frozen ICY HELL Edmonton.

MLB: Players have been known to have shards of wood embedded in their chests from broken equipment
NHL: Players have been known to have their throats cut by equipment in perfect working order.

MLB: Big name players like Carl Pavano have been known to sign in New York and never play a game due to injury.
NHL: Big name players like Rick DiPietro have been known to be drafted by New York and never play a game due to injury.


MLB: Teams from Canada haven't won a championship since 1993
NHL: Same (Now, with lawsuits.)

Flyers Summer 2010 Offseason Needs, Part 1

So, with the season over, and sometime to digest the second place finish in the NHL. I will once again say this, congratulations to the Philadelphia Flyers, winners of the Prince of Wales trophy.

Well, with the season officially over, one must now look at the upcoming offseason, so I’m going to post what the Flyers need. For the record, I get all of my salary cap numbers from here so if you need to dispute me on something, that’s my source.

Now in order to start this, I'm gonna look at the 09-10 forwards based on the last lineup the Flyers dressed:


Gagne-Richards-Carter
Hartnell-Briere-Leino
JvR-Giroux-Asham
Powe-Betts-Lappy

Scratches: Carcillo, Cote, Laliberte, Nodl, Ross

How I think 10-11 will shape up:

Hartnell-Briere-Leino (Seriously, after their Finals showing, how can this NOT be the top line)
Richards-Carter-Giroux (Giroux's pretty goals IMO bump him up)
Gagne-JvR-Asham (JvR's been taking shifts in practice at center, like Giroux in 09-10, third line reps will get him experience)
Powe/Nodl/Laliberte-Betts-Lappy

Asham's UFA but if he resigns for say...2 years 750K, I'd be really happy

Carcillo's an interesting case, I have an up and down relationship with him. Asham does everything Carbomb does, with more discipline and better hands, but Carcillo's got a unique energy about him that lends itself to playing in Philly, I'm willing to keep him around for no more than 1.3 Million, at the same time, if we can trade him and land someone like a true #1 goalie


That's right, I peg 11 or all 12 of the forwards to return next year. Scott Hartnell saved his butt by having the Finals that he did, that being said, in my humble opinion, I think he's also the most likely to be moved. More on that later.

Who's expendable

The Player: Scott Hartnell
Why Expendable: Didn't perform well during the season and doesn't fit Lavi's up tempo system
Why He'd Be Wanted: His postseason numbers
Possible Destination: Toronto for Tomas Kaberle, Boston for Tim Thomas, Montreal for a first round draft pick or PK Subban, San Jose (Assuming Nabby stays and Marleau walks) for Thomas Greiss

The Player: Brian Boucher
Why Expendable: His regular season numbers
Why He'd Be Wanted: His 5 playoff games against the Devils
Possible Destination: Montreal, Dallas, San Jose, Chicago
To Montreal: For Carey Price in order to allow the Habs the cap space to keep Halak
To Dallas: for a 2nd round draft pick and a decent prospect D-man
To Chicago: For Dustin Byfuglien, I might be dreaming here but as WWEh noticed, the 'Hawks have massive cap problems next year and they could save ~$2 million
To San Jose: Assuming Nabby leaves and Marleau stays, the Sharks need a goaltender who comes cheap, that's Boucher, the Flyers could hopefully get a 4th round pick and a decent D-man for him

The Player: Andreas Nodl
Why Expendable: Too much depth at forward
Why He'd be Wanted: Solid depth forward, never will be above third line status, comes cheap
Possible Destination: Toronto, Montreal, Tampa Bay, Florida
To Toronto: oh wait, sorry, Burke won't trade for a European
To Montreal: The Habs DID trade for Scott Gomez...so, yeah...maybe Nodl goes here
Tampa Bay: Matt Smaby could play D for us, but honestly, TBL has nothing I'd really be interested in...other than Vinny, but a package of Hartnell, Nodl and Boucher for Vinny...seems fair to me...DTV is gonna shoot himself now...



The Needs:

this is easier to look at:

A real third D-pair
a real goalie


Later this week, I plan on doing a free agency based post with where the Flyers should go

Round 2 Habs at Pens Game 7 Preview

Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, children of all ages, the Blogosphere proudly brings to you, it's Best Game 7 Prediction Formula in the WORLD! The Insane One, his lovely girlfriend, they are DOWN GOES SPEZZA! And if you are not, down with that...

ahem,

Anyway, we have another Game 7 coming up tomorrow, and we here at Down Goes Spezza have predictions and analysis as only we can deliver.

Montreal at Pittsburgh


Same formula as before, Pros and Cons for each team followed by a prediction.


Habs:

Pro: Gave one of the 2 Hot 2 Handle AO sticks to Michael Cammalleri which allowed him to light up the Penguins this post-season.
Con: Stick may have been used to start bonfires in post game 6 riots.

Pro: Maxim Lapierre puts a new meaning in the term hometown hero.
Con: Maxim Lapierre may have dove too far down to help again.

Pro: Jaroslav Halak is a solid goalie bringing his total underdog team ever closer to the promised land.
Con: Look how it turned out for him in the Olympics.




Penguins:

Con: Have a roster stacked with top 5 draft picks stockpiled from a tank job in the early 2000s
Con: May need to restock roster with more top 5 draft picks from a tank job to begin the new decade.

Pro: Sidney Crosby recently found his lost scoring touch which helped keep the Pens competitive in Game 6
Con: Sidney Crosby has a habit of punching guys down under which could lead to Hal Gill removing Crosby from the game.

Pro: Are the top seeded team remaining in the east.
Con: We saw how top seeded Washington fared in the first round.


-Analysis-

I think it's safe to say that Halak has one more miracle in him before choking out in the next series. I'll even put a score down for this one: Habs 3 Pens 2 in OT.

Signs Your Team Is Not Going to Make It Out of the Second Round

A lot of office pools were destroyed by the shocking upsets in the first round. Luckily, the brilliant, if not insane, minds here at Down Goes Spezza have some idea of what’s going on. Hey, we went 50/50 on the game 7 picks in the first round, and we had the Habs over the Capitals so that shows that we know our stuff, or possibly that we got entirely lucky. Anyway, here is our list of signs that your team is going to lose in the second round.

1. Your goalie is choking faster and more violently than Joe Thornton.

2. You’re pretty sure that your 3rd line is now a bunch of AHL guys

3. Your best goaltenders are injured.

4. Eklund just reported that your team will win the series

5. Maxim Lapierre just dove to draw a penalty during the post-series handshake.

6. Your captain is ready for a round 3 matchup against the media

7. The biggest victory in sports in your town involved a taser

8. Your top center took a bite out of Danny Carcillo and didn’t choke.

9. When the coach was asked if injured star players could return to help out he replied “help out with what?”

10. You are facing a team who has the defending Vezina Trophy winner glued to the bench.