NHL Oops Moments

You know that moment you have when you realize something wasn't what it seemed? Like when people mistake me for Danny Briere (happened twice now). It's happened quite a bit around the NHL recently and we have a list of those moments compiled here.



The Event- Martin St Louis wears the new Lightning jerseys to a promotional event at a Tampa area sports store.
The Reaction- A little kid yells out, "LOOK, MOMMY, A SMURF!!!!!!!" (This is followed by kids asking Marty to sign their Disney movies...and parents wondering who that paid actor is...)



The Event- Danny Briere walks into a local coffee shop in South Jersey
The Reaction-The barista instantly says, "Your usual, DGS?"


The Event- Jaromir Jagr and Max Talbot sign with the Flyers.
The Reaction-Chris Pronger laughs maniacally as he reveals he stole the Penguins contract offers and replaced them with a Flyers offer instead.


The Event- The Rangers sign a UFA player.
The Reaction- Glen Sather still doesn't know who keeps adding extra years "0s" to each contract.



The Event- Wade Redden waived and assigned to AHL Hartford.
The Reaction- The Whale apparently were under the impression that they were getting an NHL send down, not an ECHL call up.


The Event- The Bruins execute a line change during the playoffs.
The Reaction- Paul Holmgren counted out the men, there's too many...oh god... GAGNE!


The Event- Eklund reports a trade rumor as e5
The Reaction- Crickets


The Event- David Poile asks for "Brent" in a trade with the Maple Leafs
The Reaction- Brian Burke hand writes the trade fax with "Brett" in it and makes sure to send Lebda to the Predators.

(Note: We have no proof about this, but it's the only logical explanation as to why anyone would ever trade FOR Brett Lebda)



The Event- A Sedin asks a linesman about a call during a stoppage prompting the linesman to say, "Well, Dan..."
The Reaction- "uhh...I'm Henrik"


The Event- Garth Snow jokingly says he intends to reacquire Roloson because of his playoffs successes.
The Reaction- In a "Milbury Moment" Snow acquires Brian Rolston instead.

Reasons Steven Stamkos Hasn't Signed Yet

"It's been a while Mr. Stamkos. Please sign soon." Hockey Fans Everywhere.

Anyway, the Stamkos saga is still ongoing. But luckily the DGS Super Spies know why Stamkos hasn't signed.

1. Is holding out hope Glen Sather or Paul Holmgren will overpay him on an offer sheet.
2. Is trying to trade Vinny.
3. Wants to find a dramatic chipmunk
4. Cannot sign a contract until someone finds Paul Ranger
5. Told Gary Bettman he won't sign a contract until Tampa hosts Edmonton on NBC on a Sunday.
6. Wants to play in the NHL, and doesn't get that southern teams are actually NHL teams.
7. Thought the Bolts moved to Winnipeg instead of the thrashers
8. Went across the state of Florida to save the shuttle program by one-timing astronauts into space.
9. Thought the NHL lockout started a year early so he didn't think he needed a contract
10. Stamkos can't get through the 1-3-1 to get to the contract to sign it
11. Stamkos is too tall, he can't see the contract right in front of him being held by Marty St Louis
12. Stamkos wants to get away from Crazy Rolie the Goalie who keeps telling him about "that time the Edmonton Oilers went to the Stanley Cup Finals"
13. Can't decide whether he should fear Matt Cooke, Chris Pronger, Raffi Torres or Steve Downie most and therefore doesn't know who to join.
14. Is trying to figure out where to play in order to get Mattias Ohlund and Victor Hedman to pass him the puck. (Thanks DTV)

There you have it.

Things Steve Yzerman Also Wants This Offseason

Recently Steve Yzerman said that he would ask all Lightning players to wear visors starting next season. What most people don't know is that Yzerman also had another list of demands that he made of us players. Now, because Don't Trade Vinny has been out of it recently, I took it upon myself to send the DGS-SuperSpies to find out what else was on that list. Luckily, they obtained me a copy of the list which I will now share with each of you.

• That Marty St. Louis grow to an appropriate an NHL height of 4 feet tall.
  
• That the media ignore any all relevant Lightning stories and replace them with possible trade rumors involving Vincent Lecavalier to the Montreal Canadiens
  
• Acquiring Chris Pronger and Sergei Bobrovsky from the Flyers for Mike Smith
  
• That the Montreal Canadiens trade Carey Price to the Lightning for Dan Ellis's remaining problems in Tampa.
  
• That the media actually talk about how the Tampa Bay Lightning are an NHL team and not some figment of your imagination.
  
• Tampa becomes Detroit-south by changing their uniforms to red and white and putting a winged wheel on the center crest.
  
• Someone offers a 2nd round pick for Dominic Moore
  
• A defense
  
• A goalie who's younger than his head coach

Things Other People in the NHL want for Christmas

Yesterday we showed you what the Flyers want for Christmas, well, we also found out what the rest of the NHL wants for Christmas, here's what we found out.


Taylor Hall: To hopefully get a chance to play on an NHL team.

The New Jersey Devils: That the CBA is followed and Kovalchuk's contract is voided.

Brian Burke: Tyler Seguin and a 2011 Lottery pick

Mike Green: Someone who can teach me how to play defense...oh crap, I got Scott Hannan instead

Henrik and Daniel Sedin: A triplet who's identical to us as well

Toronto Maple Leafs Fans: Free therapy from a psychologist...and not Down Goes Spezza

Sheldon Souray: Nothing, I finally got the fuck out of Edmonton

Sidney Crosby: A real wing

Colin Campbell: The ability to use a BlackBerry

Gary Bettman: Expansion to Havana, Mexico City, San Juan, Cairo, and Death Valley...if necessary teams will be removed from Toronto, Detroit, Montreal and Chicago

Don't Trade Vinny: A date with Marty St Louis

Welcoming the Flyers new AHL team: Tampa Bay Lightning

No seriously, look at the Bolts these days, all their Flyers related history. It's almost odd how the Flyers turned the Bolts into an extra AHL team, and how the Bolts kinda play like an AHL team these days too. I mean look at the Lawton/Tocchet era. Even the coaching staff currently has come Flyers connections. The head coach is some guy named Boucher, and as a long time Flyers fan, the name Boucher means a lot to me, mainly because he didn't totally suck this year when we needed him most, games 1 and 5 of the Finals not withstanding (don't worry Brian, I'll judge you based on the result of this series). Boucher's assistant, Dan Lacroix from the 1997 Dan Line of Dan Lacroix, Scott Daniels, and Dan Kordic.

The current Bolts line up features two Flyers rejects.

Let's see, when looking at future talent, the Bolts top agitator is Steve Downie, a guy who's so undisciplined and off the wall that even the Flyers wouldn't even keep him.

The blue line has former Flyer Randy Jones anchoring it's third pair, a guy so bad he lost his job to Ryan Parent/Oskars Bartulis.

Then I realized something, this Bolts/Flyers connection has gone back to the mid 90s.

The historical examples

• When the Legion of Doom failed, Mikael Renberg was sent down to the Bolts in favor of Chris Gratton
• When Gratton didn't help, he was sent down to give Renberg a 2nd chance
• Sean Burke made his way to the Flyers a couple times in his career, he too spent time with the Bolts when he lost his A-game
• Vinny Prospal got shipped between the Flyers/Bolts quite a few times.
• After Antero Niitymaki sucked for the Flyers, he was sent down to the Bolts.
• When Steve Eminger couldn't hack it in Philly, he was traded with Downie for Matt Carle
• Simon Gagne and Randy Jones now join those ranks.

As for the future, I've obtained some exclusive pictures of the future of these franchises.

Being sent down to the Bolts:









Being Called up to the Orange and Black







Ok, I shall wake up now and stop dreaming. (DTV, you can stop crying now this was work of fiction, please don't sue me)