Hartnell Down or Versteeg Down- The Final Numbers

Hartnell Down ended at 330, over 90 games, meaning he fell 3.3 times a game, or 1.1 times a period.




Other things involving 3.3 in the NHL:

-The average amount of goals per period allowed through the 5-hole of Michael Leighton

-Number (in millions of US Dollars) Glen Sather will overpay for a player.

-Amount of times Pierre McGuire says "leadership" per sentence when talking about MIKE "OMG LEADERSHIP!!1111!1!11!" Richards

-Amount of times, per shift, Jeff Carter shoots high and wide

-Amount of dives Robert Luongo takes per period

-Amount of headshots Matt Cooke gave me while I wrote this post

-Amount of goalie changes Peter Laviolette makes per post season game.

-Amount of healthy players the Flyers had left for game 4 against Boston.

-Amount of time, in seconds, Nikolay Zherdev gave a crap about defense during the entire regular season

-Amount of time, in seconds, Nikolay Zherdev was lazy during the post-season






Versteeg Down (18 for round 2; 26 for round 1 for a playoff total of 44)

44 by numbers:

-The number worn by Kimmo Timonen; the Finnish God of Defense

-The amount of time, in minutes, that Chris Pronger was fully healthy during playoffs

-The amount of shots, needed to score 45 goals, on the Flyers goaltending this year

-Amount of time, in years, before Paul Holmgren decides that goaltending is important

-Amount of headshots occurring per period in every NHL playoff game...if you trust people's reactions via Twitter

-Amount of time, in hours, Sean Avery can go without saying something stupid

-Amount of time, in seconds, it will take Glen Sather to overpay for a free agent on July 1

-Amount of new rumors, per day, linking big name UFA's Brad Richards and Christian Ehrhoff to the Toronto Maple Leafs

-Amount of rumors, per hour, claiming Tampa Bay is going to trade their captain, Vincent Lecavalier.

-Measure, in inches, of Tim Thomas's waist

-Amount of PIMs Chris Pronger had in 2010-11.

-Amount of elbows to head Chris Pronger throws per game

The Many Faces of Chris Pronger

Today it was announced that Chris Pronger is going to miss 4-6 weeks with a foot/toe injury. As many of you probably know, I was driven to a nearly irrational amount of sadness because of it. I mean, my idol, lord, and master Chris Pronger is going to be missing. If you're like me, a total follower of the almighty Pronger, then you probably need a fix of Chris Pronger in your life to be sure that you make it through these next few weeks without doing anything stupid.

(Editor's Note: Amy absolves herself from this, it's just wow, I can't think of anything clever, but I think DGS has gone nuts, for real this time.)


So, here's a look at the many faces of Chris Pronger.

(Editor's Note: I really really hope this isn't as bad as it sounds)


(Author's Note: All pics are taken from outside websites, clicking on the link takes you to the websites that own them, I did NOT take any of the Pronger pictures.)

Epic Pronger is Epic

Epic Pronger: This is Chris Pronger's normal state. It is also known as the state of Awesome. This is because Chris Pronger is more awesome than you could ever dream to be. He didn't mean for it to happen, it just kinda did. You know?

Chris Pronger was just reminded of his awesomeness

Realization: This is the face of Chris Pronger whenever someone reminds him of the fact that he is better than you. He doesn't mean to gloat, but when you're on the level of Chris Pronger, it's unreasonable to not feel superior to all the other people you need to deal with on a daily basis.

Chris Pronger is mildly content, a rare sighting. (Note: he's most likely
thinking "I can't wait to elbow Sidney Crosby")

 Mildly Content: Chris Pronger feels mildly content on occasion. In this case, it's because he elbowed Paul Holmgren into giving him a 7 year 35+ contract with a 4.921 cap hit. Chris Pronger get's a pass though, because he's not a douche or anything, he's just Chris Pronger.

Chris Pronger is sorry, he can't hear you over the sound of
how awesome he is.

Apologetic Pronger: Look, I know you reporters want to interview him, but Chris Pronger's ability to hear questions is sometimes obstructed by the fact that his own awesomeness speaks to him. He's sorry, well not really.

Confusion: Someone just said, 'Chris, you aren't god.' without saying
"just kidding"

Confusion: Chris gets confused when people try to tell that he's not awesome. This is because he doesn't understand why anyone would tell a joke to a 6'6" 230lb guy with elbows that crack skulls frequently. Quite honestly, I don't get it either.

Hey Todd, wipe that smirk off your face before my elbows permanently
remove your face from the rest of your body.

Chris Pronger sometimes has to use violence to make points. This is because sometimes people are unable to comprehend the pure awesome that is Chris Pronger. The beautiful thing about Chris Pronger's elbows is that they leave a permanent impression on your skull like a tattoo. The bad thing, most humans are so unworthy of remembering the exact moment when Chris Pronger touched them that they have memory loss of the incident.

(Editor's Note: Concussions are actually serious business, please get checked if you or someone you know shows symptoms of a concussion. DGS-Cares)

Why yes, I did take those pucks, but we're just gonna act natural.

Guilt: Chris Pronger is not capable of guilt. But he is capable of well, being smug in the face of accusations that may or may not be true. If you know an expert who saw the replay, tell us.

I choose you, to be the victim of my next elbow.

Chris Pronger is an honourable, upstanding, player. He's nice enough, as shown by the above picture, to point out who the next victim of an elbow is going to be. When he does this, players should thank Mr. Pronger for being nice enough to allow them to prepare for a concussion related vacation a long rehab process for brain damage.

Hockey time, the time for awesome.

Chris Pronger is intense, he's probably thinking about elbowing someone in the head. That's how Pronger rolls.

Dear Scott Gomez, the only reason you're not dead right now is
because killing people like you is well, a hate crime. I
am so just gonna embarrass you in the
playoffs instead, Love Pronger.

No need for words, but Scott Gomez is a very brave man for staring certain death in the face. Chris Pronger sent him the letter in the caption.

If you can see Chris Pronger, Chris Pronger can see you,
if you can't see Chris Pronger...

Then it's probably because Chris Pronger is about to set you
up for something called a "Batista Bomb"

Under Chris Pronger's sternum there is not heart, only another elbow that's ready to kill you.

I am fairly sure that I am the 'he'

Chris sadly get's dragged into the world of "he said/she said" with officials. This is because they are incompetent. Chris Pronger would NEVER break any rules. As a matter of fact, Chris Pronger writes the rules.

Why Yes, Chris Pronger is full of win

Full of Win: Chris Pronger is, you, Ben Eager, are not.

Kostitsyn: I'll send my mob friends after you.
Pronger: I elbowed them, they're all dead. They fear my elbows.

And now we know why Kostitsyn looks like he's about to shit himself in this picture.

Chris let him go, wait that's Avery. Chris, pull his head off.

Chris Pronger doing what most people in the world want him to do, remove the head of Sean Avery. Out of curiosity, I doubt that anyone thinks that this is attempted murder.

Angry Pronger, do not go near or elbows shall fly

Angry Pronger: sometimes Chris Pronger gets angry, when he does. Skate away, far away.

Calm Pronger; it's how he relaxes.

When Pronger unwinds after a hard day of throwing elbows to faces of idiots, he calms down and shows his sensitive side. How can anyone ever feel bad about the above person? How can anyone do anything but love the above face of Pronger?



And then when all is said and done:

King Pronger: Lord of the Elbow

Power Outage: Reasons the Flyers PP Has Dried Up

It's almost finals week so I'm kinda dead, but that being said, the DGS investigators found us some reasons why the Flyers Powerplay has been powered down.

• When told to mimic dynamic scorers and smooth skaters, they chose Ilya Kovalchuk and Phil Kessell
  
  
• It was eaten by Kyle Wellwood
  
  
• Forwards are too afraid to screen the goalie because of the "Avery Rule"
  
  
• Started feeling bad for embarrassing teams with so many games where they score more than 5 as a team.
  
• Misunderstood Power Play strategy for "Joe Thornton Playoff Strategy"
  
• Wanted to be just like me in NHL 11 on the PP. (No seriously, it's sad)
  
• Didn't realize that scoring while up a man is NOT an example of poor sportsmanship
  
• Sent the PP skill in search of Paul Ranger
  
• Maybe missing a certain forward who found a new home in Tampa...just sayin

Things People Involved in the NHL are Thankful For

Happy Thanksgiving to my loyal American DGS readers. Speaking of it being Thanksgiving, it's the time of the year to be thankful, for something like hockey and the Flyers being in first place. Because of this, we sent out some texts to some NHL players to ask them what they're thankful for. The responses we got were rather enlightening.


Kyle Wellwood: "Butter, stuffing, French fries and trans-fats."

PK Subban: "Mike Richards didn't kill me, that's the nicest thing someone's done for me since my car got burned during a riot last spring"

Sheldon Souray: "I get to play in Hershey instead of Edmonton; mission accomplished"

Sidney Crosby: "No matter how much I dive, Bettman still loves me"

Patrick Kane: "Thbt Suttere kidd who pnchrd cabbie driverz"
(I wasn't sure what he was ok so I texted him back to ask 'Dude are you ok?')
Kane's response: "Yes, jus haad somme tequila"

Dammit Kane, stay sober for like...a day..seriously

Dan Ellis: "My money"

David Booth: "Mike Richards didn't kill me, I owe him one."

Peter Chiarelli: "Making the playoffs and getting a lottery pick 2 years in a row"

Colin Campbell: (Editor's Note: Colie didn't respond, apparently he doesn't know to use a Blackberry)

Brian Burke: "No one pretends to be me on Twitter anymore."

Glen Sather: "The Rangers ownership, for keeping me employed"

Derek Boogaard: "My goal scoring abilities"

Ilya Kovachuk: "Being able to play in NHL for 9 more years even tho Bett-man think I play 15 more"

Crazy Lou: "Jelly"

Joe Thornton: "The Heimlich maneuver, saving my life every year after I seem to choke every May"

Antti Niemi: "Leighton not closing 5 hole, made me cup winning goalie"

Sean Avery: "The ability to give others my sloppy seconds"

Henrik Sedin: "Daniel Sedin"

Daniel Sedin: "Henrik Sedin"

Coach Sutter: "Having a brother as GM so i dont get fired"

Brad Richards: "Knowing that I have at most, 7 months and 6 days in Dallas"

Andrew Raycroft: "A job in the AHL for the Texas Stars that keeps me from playing in Russia"
My response: "Uh Andrew, you play for the NHL's Dallas Stars"
Andrew Raycroft: "LOL there is NO way this is an 'NHL' team, it's defence is like ECHL quality"

Brian Gionta: "No one's burned my house down even tho I'm an American who's captain of the Habs"

Scott Gomez: "the lack of a height requirement to play in the NHL"

Jason Spezza: "Not having been destroyed by Patrick Sharp since 2004"

Gary Bettman: "Being a league that's so unnoticed, no one did anything about Colin Campbell...those MLB guys always dragged in front of Congress; that sucks for them"

The Secret Transcript: Rick Rypien Vs NHL Fan

Last night, Rick Rypien attacked a fan during a 6-2 loss by Rypien's Canucks to the Minnesota Wild. Yes, the Wild scored 6 goals against Luongo. That was news to me too. Ok, so here we go.


Rick Rypien, you got the Sean Avery treatment, and what you did was improper and inexcusable.


I think that's enough of a joke it itself.


What I learned from all this:

1. Damian Cox is an idiot. Seriously, there is NOTHING redeeming about him.
2. The Canucks are just as bad, the Stars suspended Avery on their own before the NHL got involved, Gillis should have done the same thing.
3. Rypien needs anger management. 

Hockey versus Baseball

So my blogging idol, Down Goes Brown, has done comparisons between Soccer and Hockey, Football and Hockey and Basketball and Hockey, but I didn't see any baseball on his list. (God help me if I'm wrong.)

Well, we here at Down Goes Spezza have decided to come up with a comparison between hockey and baseball for the good of helping hockey fans everywhere understand it. The reason for this is most likely you'll be forced to watch the MLB playoffs in October instead of opening night because well, the NHL doesn't have a tv deal with a normal channel yet.



MLB: Players have been known to have great performances ruined by the horrible officiating of Jim Joyce.
NHL: Players have been known to have great performances ruined by the horrible officiating of Kerry Fraser, Stephane Auger, video goal judges in Pittsburgh, Gary Bettman and just about every other official in the game.


MLB: Players who violate rules are suspended according to strict guidelines such as 50 games for a positve PEDs test, and 10 games for using corked bats.
NHL: Players are suspended according to usage of a super secret flowchart. (At what point does Down Goes Brown decide to sue me?).

MLB: Players who do not perform well for their team can be sent down to a minor league organization known as Triple-A.
NHL: Players who do not perform well for their team can be sent down to a minor league organization known as the Calgary Flames.

MLB: Players have been known to embellish being hit by a pitch in order to get first base. (see Derek Jeter)
NHL: Players have been known to embellish being hit by high sticks or tripped in order to get a 2 minute Powerplay for their team. (see: Dan Carcillo, Max Lapierre, Sidney Crosby, Matt Bradley, Sean Avery).

MLB: Poor sportsmanship usually manifests itself in dirty slides and players throwing at each other.
NHL: Poor sportsmanship usually manifests itself in concussions after a Chris Pronger elbow to the skull.

MLB: Players with major weight issues have been known to throw perfect games.
NHL: Players with major weight issues have been known to become internet memes.


MLB: Players can sign insanely long contracts with NTCs that keep them in the same city for an entire career without fear of the contract being rejected due to the lack of a salary cap.
NHL: Players can sign insanely long contracts with NTCs that keep them in the same city for an entire career without fear of the contract being rejected due to the lack of enforcement of the salary cap. (DGB's urge to sure is rising...if he actually reads my blog).

MLB: Players can score from 2nd base, a distance of 180 feet, on a poorly hit ball by a stroke of luck known as a seeing-eye hit.
NHL: Players can score from a the defensive zone, a distance of 180 feet, on a poorly shot puck by shooting against Vesa Toskala. (If DGB hasn't decided to sue me yet, he sure will now)

MLB: Players have been known to have legal trouble due to steroid use and lying about it to the US Congress
NHL: Players have been known to have legal trouble due to dealing with shady Belorussian mobsters.

MLB: Players on bad teams such as the Florida Marlins also have to worry about horribly hot weather as well as hurricanes.
NHL: Players on bad teams such as the Edmonton Oilers still have to spend winters in chilly frozen ICY HELL Edmonton.

MLB: Players have been known to have shards of wood embedded in their chests from broken equipment
NHL: Players have been known to have their throats cut by equipment in perfect working order.

MLB: Big name players like Carl Pavano have been known to sign in New York and never play a game due to injury.
NHL: Big name players like Rick DiPietro have been known to be drafted by New York and never play a game due to injury.


MLB: Teams from Canada haven't won a championship since 1993
NHL: Same (Now, with lawsuits.)

Why Dan Carcillo No Longer Kicks Ass

Dan Carcillo no longer kicks ass. There I said it. I will say it again just to prove that I have some intent of being serious. Dan Carcillo no longer kicks ass.

I have no problem with Carcillo attempting to draw penalties on the other team, I have no problems with him playing physical, getting involved and grinding it out all for the benefit of the team.

I have a problem with embellishment, I have a problem with diving.

The Wachovia Center is a no diving zone, just ask any Flyers fan about Sidney Crosby and you will learn that.

But, Dan Carcillo is just turning into someone, someone we all know and love...err hate, very much, and that someone is Sean Avery.

That's right, Dan Carcillo is now officially in Sean Avery territory....if you take out the whole making off color comments about women and possible racism and hatred of French-Canadians which we haven't seen from Carcillo just yet.

But that's OK because we here at Down Goes Spezza have an idea. See, Carcillo is an RFA at the end of the season, and that means, that he no longer needs to be a problem. Arron Asham is perfectly capable holding his own in fights and the Flyers can go out and get another Ian Laperriere type guy who can kill penalties and be physical.

If Carcillo is gone, it would be a positive for the Flyers, if he stays, hey, maybe this whole diving like Crosby thing can work out in our favor too, this could be a win-win. I hate divers, and that is why Carcillo no longer kicks ass.