Reasons Drew Doughty is Holding out

So, another day has come and gone and Drew Doughty has yet to sign a contract. Luckily, the DGS SuperSpies have actually been able to plant a bug inside the LA Kings GM's office to listen in on their negotiations with one Mr. Drew Doughty and Mr. Dean Lombardi. (Seriously, getting stuff from Philly to LA is super easy, even if one package got stuck in Tampa for a year.)

Anyway, after listening to the tapes of the negotiations, we've been able to get lists of Drew Doughty's demands with regards to his new contract.

1. Using Wade Redden's salary as a comparable, Drew would like to be paid in proportion to how much better than Wade Redden he is.
2. Doughty seems to be complaining that head coach Terry Murray, who was hired after he was drafted, keeps labeling him a "Marc Crawford" guy.
3. Drew Doughty wants a guarantee that the LA Kings actually sign a prominent UFA forward sometime.
4. Mr. Doughty is waiting for an offer sheet to force a move, too bad they never get used.
5. Using Charlie Sheen and Two and a Half Men for inspiration with regard to contract negotiations has him holding out and getting ready to party.
6. Drew Doughty has vowed to not sign a contract  until after Phoenix gets a permanent home.
7. Doughty just wants to see what kind of whacked out rumors Eklund comes up with.
8. He's using a tactic he calls the "2010 Evgeni Nabokov"
9. There seem to be some voice mails from Paul Holmgren asking why Doughty thinks his RFA rights are owned by Philly. Holmgren keeps saying he signed him to an offer sheet but the league won't authorize it because 51>50. Holmgren says that he "doesn't quite get that math thing"
   
10. Drew Doughty will only sign a contract when he gets his face on an ice cream bar.
11. Actually attempted to sign an offer sheet from Glen Sather, only to find out that "gazillion trinagallion" doesn't actually exist.
12. Has decided that he really wants to play for the Thrashers, but hasn't heard anything regarding their offer sheet.

25% Through the Season with 25 Reasons Why Your Team Won't Make The Playoffs

So the idea of this post is really simple. I have 25 statements prepared and if they fit your team, then there's a good chance your team is going to miss the playoffs this season.

(Accuracy of statements is only 25% or roughly, the save percentage of all goalies in the Nov 18 game between the Flyers and the Lightning)

1. Your teams biggest news splash was the fall out of revoking press creds
   
   
2. Your team's opening night goalie just hurt his arm lifting pie to his mouth
   
   
3. This team's home games are played in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.
   
   
4. Garth Snow is your team's GM.
   
   
5. You paid $100M for a guy who can't take a penalty shot
   
   
6. Your goalie's already a drunk, and the rest of the team is on the way to following him.
   
   
7. Your team traded Gregory Campbell to another team.
   
   
8. Your team has a Sutter involved in the organization.
   
   
9. Your team just signed a player to a contract extension with the logic of "Numbers Don't Matter"
   
   
10. The other fans of your team will prevent your team from making the playoffs just to avoid paying the other half of their season ticket deposits.
    
    
11. You lack a first round pick in next year's draft.
    
    
12. Your goalie puts pucks into his own net.
    
    
13. Your 2nd year goalie said he wants to be just like Steve Mason.
    
    
14. Someone told your star center that the playoffs start in February rather than April causing him to do his choke in a big game routine 2 months early.
    
    
15. Down Goes Spezza picked your team to win the Atlantic Division. (We picked the NJ Devils)
    
    
16. Your season highlight involved a player on your team getting knocked out by a Simpsons character...err..Swedish meatball.
    
    
17. There's a distinct chance that a player on your team was telling Sean Avery "we suck like this" and not "you suck like this".
    
    
18. Your teams best power play point shot is in the AHL right now.
    
    
19. Your GM has obvious brain damage from hitting himself in the head with a jar of jelly.
    
    
20. Your GM decided that he wanted to make Wade Redden's contract look like a decent one.
    
    
21. Your GM offered a first round pick to the Rangers for Derek Boogaard in order to increase offensive production
    
    
22. Your GM announced that he's building a contender with the "Penguins Method" starting this year.
    
    
23. Your team is trying to lose more games in a row than the Detroit Lions.
    
    
24. Hell, that same team wants to do the opposite of the Flyers's record setting 25-0-10 run.
    
    
25. Your team's marketing strategy is all about getting fans of VISITING teams to visit.
    
    
    

Soon, the 25 reasons you're team will make the playoffs.

Here's to another run at the Stanley Cup

Dear Flyers Fans and People Who Read This Blog Because They Find It Entertaining, Stupid, Funny, or You're so out of your mind that you just ended up here,


It is time for the Flyers to take a run at the Stanley Cup. They are my favorite team to win it all. (Well yes). Every team has a clean slate right now, even the Edmonton Oilers. Every player has a clean slate as well, even Wade Redden, Kyle Wellwood, Keith Ballard!

Every GM on the other hand is on his team's hot seat, (Read: Paul Holmgren) because of the stupid, self destructive, unpopular moves.

So be prepared to sit back, relax, give up 18% of your pay to ESCROW (sorry Dan Ellis) and HERE WE GO.

HOCKEY IS BACK TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sincerely,

Down Goes Spezza