Reasons Steven Stamkos Hasn't Signed Yet

"It's been a while Mr. Stamkos. Please sign soon." Hockey Fans Everywhere.

Anyway, the Stamkos saga is still ongoing. But luckily the DGS Super Spies know why Stamkos hasn't signed.

1. Is holding out hope Glen Sather or Paul Holmgren will overpay him on an offer sheet.
2. Is trying to trade Vinny.
3. Wants to find a dramatic chipmunk
4. Cannot sign a contract until someone finds Paul Ranger
5. Told Gary Bettman he won't sign a contract until Tampa hosts Edmonton on NBC on a Sunday.
6. Wants to play in the NHL, and doesn't get that southern teams are actually NHL teams.
7. Thought the Bolts moved to Winnipeg instead of the thrashers
8. Went across the state of Florida to save the shuttle program by one-timing astronauts into space.
9. Thought the NHL lockout started a year early so he didn't think he needed a contract
10. Stamkos can't get through the 1-3-1 to get to the contract to sign it
11. Stamkos is too tall, he can't see the contract right in front of him being held by Marty St Louis
12. Stamkos wants to get away from Crazy Rolie the Goalie who keeps telling him about "that time the Edmonton Oilers went to the Stanley Cup Finals"
13. Can't decide whether he should fear Matt Cooke, Chris Pronger, Raffi Torres or Steve Downie most and therefore doesn't know who to join.
14. Is trying to figure out where to play in order to get Mattias Ohlund and Victor Hedman to pass him the puck. (Thanks DTV)

There you have it.

Matt Cooke's Secrets To Avoiding Suspension

Matt Cooke finally had the bomb dropped on him today getting a 4 game suspension. For a guy with so many dirty hits in his career; he sure escaped justice for a long time. It just so happens that he's run out of excuses to dodge a suspension. that being said; the DGS-SuperSpies obtained a list of Matt Cooke's excuses.


Ways Matt Cooke has avoided suspension:

• But Colie, Marc's a "little fake artist" he faked the video; I didn't touch him I swear.
  
• As I taught Andy Sutton; "you're not an expert"
  
• Unlike Daniel Carcillo; I have never played for the Flyers.
  
• Hey MEDIA PEOPLES! LOOK IT'S SIDNEY CROSBY AND HE IS DOING INTERVIEWS!!
  
• The Chewbacca Defense
  
• Look, none of my issues are sexual in nature, I'm not Avery or Wisniewski
  
• Paul Ranger is missing; can you find him?
  
• Evander Kane took my head off; no one did a damn thing
  
• But I'm the cookie monster! and I give the cookies to Kyle Wellwood

Power Outage: Reasons the Flyers PP Has Dried Up

It's almost finals week so I'm kinda dead, but that being said, the DGS investigators found us some reasons why the Flyers Powerplay has been powered down.

• When told to mimic dynamic scorers and smooth skaters, they chose Ilya Kovalchuk and Phil Kessell
  
  
• It was eaten by Kyle Wellwood
  
  
• Forwards are too afraid to screen the goalie because of the "Avery Rule"
  
  
• Started feeling bad for embarrassing teams with so many games where they score more than 5 as a team.
  
• Misunderstood Power Play strategy for "Joe Thornton Playoff Strategy"
  
• Wanted to be just like me in NHL 11 on the PP. (No seriously, it's sad)
  
• Didn't realize that scoring while up a man is NOT an example of poor sportsmanship
  
• Sent the PP skill in search of Paul Ranger
  
• Maybe missing a certain forward who found a new home in Tampa...just sayin

iPods of the NHL

Sometimes we here at DGS just run into things by accident. And these accidents cause us to send out the DGS SuperSpies on special investigations to find out the truth. In todays case, a DGS writer was chatting with a friend about music and we got curious, what do different NHL players listen to while on the road and all. Well guess what, we sent the DGS superspies all around the NHL and they grabbed a few iPods of NHL players and got a look at some of their "Top Played" songs. Needless to say, the results were shocking.

• Weird Al was a hit among quite a few current and former NHL players. Martin Brodeur, Tim Thomas and Kyle Wellwood all had "I'm Fat" as their top played tune.
• A Mr. Sutter, GM of the Flames, had Thin Lizzy's "The Boys Are Back In Town" as his most listened to song. I wonder if this explains his recent moves.
• Rick DiPietro's top played tune was "Broken" by Seether w. Amy Lee (A close second was Dry Cell's "Body Crumbles"
• Foreigner's "Double Vision" was the top played song on Simon Gagne's iPod, it beat out U2's "Vertigo" by one play.
• Speaking of Lightning players, we found Paul Ranger's iPod, the top 5 songs on it where:
  1. The Moody Blues's I Know You're Out There Somewhere"
  2. U2 "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For"
  3. Evanescence's "Missing"
  4. Our Lady Peace's "Somewhere Out There"
  5. Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here"
• Jeff Carter's iPod only had one song on it. "Scotty Doesn't Know" By Lustra
• Sami Salo's top played song came from Italian metal band Lacuna Coil "Fragile" he also had the entire soundtrack to the Nutcracker ballet as well.
• Brian Burke has a list of songs that are required listening for every new Maple Leafs player
  1. Enjoy the Silence by Depeche Mode
  2. Empty Spaces by Pink Floyd
  3. This Is Not The End by The Bravery
• Mike van Ryn's favorite song is apparently "Through Glass"
• Patrick Kane's top tune is by the Killers and it's called "Leave the Bourbon on the Shelf"
• Alex Burrows is a bit "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath
• And last but not least, "Money" by Pink Floyd is Dan Ellis's top played song.
  

If this gets really popular, expect a part 2 where I do this again with different players.