Matt Cooke's Secrets To Avoiding Suspension

Matt Cooke finally had the bomb dropped on him today getting a 4 game suspension. For a guy with so many dirty hits in his career; he sure escaped justice for a long time. It just so happens that he's run out of excuses to dodge a suspension. that being said; the DGS-SuperSpies obtained a list of Matt Cooke's excuses.


Ways Matt Cooke has avoided suspension:

• But Colie, Marc's a "little fake artist" he faked the video; I didn't touch him I swear.
  
• As I taught Andy Sutton; "you're not an expert"
  
• Unlike Daniel Carcillo; I have never played for the Flyers.
  
• Hey MEDIA PEOPLES! LOOK IT'S SIDNEY CROSBY AND HE IS DOING INTERVIEWS!!
  
• The Chewbacca Defense
  
• Look, none of my issues are sexual in nature, I'm not Avery or Wisniewski
  
• Paul Ranger is missing; can you find him?
  
• Evander Kane took my head off; no one did a damn thing
  
• But I'm the cookie monster! and I give the cookies to Kyle Wellwood