The DGS 2011-12 Season Preview: What you need to know about all 30 Teams, Eastern Conference Edition

Atlantic Division

New Jersey Devils:
Key Strength: Ilya Kovalchuk will be a Devil for "14" more years giving the Devils stability in the "overpaid enigmatic Russian" department.
Key Weakness: Due to age requirements, their goaltenders will soon become Detroit Red Wings.
What If...: Pete DeBoer was just John MacLean 2.0?


New York Rangers:
Key Strength: Waiver rules mean that overpaid contracts can be buried in the minors away from the salary cap.
Key Weakness: The Rangers lack something known as talent.
What If...: Glen Sather was remotely competent?

New York Islanders:
Key Strength: Don't have to worry about debating tough issues as "how to stand up to goons like Trevor Gillies" as Trevor Gillies plays for their team.
Key Weakness: Team is completely distracted by the odds on "what does Rick DiPietro break this year".
What If...: The Islanders had a home that didn't smell moldy?

Pittsburgh Penguins:
Key Strength: Sidney Crosby will at some point, hold another press conference to tell us absolutely nothing of value.
Key Weakness: Matt Cooke's inevitable hearing with Brendan Shanahan.
What If...: Matt Cooke breaks Chris Simon's record on suspensions?

Philadelphia Flyers:
Key Strength: Roster battles need no longer be fought in camp thanks the Brendan Shanahan's active usage of his ShanHammer.
Key Weakness: Team is confused by the fact that the same guy is always in goal.
What If...: Jaromir Jagr's mullet didn't age a bit?

Northeast Division

Ottawa Senators:
Key Strength: In the most technical sense of the word, the Ottawa Senators are an NHL team.
Key Weakness: In the most literal sense of the word, the Ottawa Senators are an ECHL team.
What If...: the Senators go a year without changing coaches?

Montreal Canadiens:

Key Strength: PK Subban's apt initials for Penalty Kill will make for great pun based jokes from hockey comedians.
Key Weakness: Reaching the overhead bin's on team flights.
What If...: Chris Campoli turns over another puck in a game 7? Would the city of Montreal survive?

Toronto Maple Leafs:
Key Strength: Finally acquired NHL caliber centers.
Key Weakness: Still lack NHL quality depth.
What If...: Brian Burke robs the Flames again, does Calgary finally call the cops?

Boston Bruins:
Key Strength: Are in fact staring down at the rest of the NHL due to Zdeno Chara being so tall
Key Weakness: Donuts, cheeseburgers, Tim Thomas remembering he's 40.
What If...: Tuukka Rask somehow becomes worse than Andrew Raycroft and Phil Kessel is better than Tyler Seguin?

Buffalo Sabres:
Key Strength: Pegula's $$$$.
Key Weakness: No matter how much Pegula spends, you're still playing in Buffalo.
What If...: Ryan Miller actually claims the Flyers committed genocide by knocking the Sabres out of the playoffs?

Southeast Division

Winnipeg Jets:
Key Strength: An ability to win any eating contest vs NHL team
Key Weakness: Inability to be good at something called hockey, the thing these people are paid to do.
What If...: People actually realized that despite the new uniform and change of venue, these are STILL the Atlanta Thrashers?

Washington Capitals:
Key Strength: Alex Ovechkin should score more than 28 goals this season.
Key Weakness: Mike Green is still listed as a defenseman.
What If...: Brooks Laich's tire changing skills actually keep the Capitals from going flat in the playoffs?

Tampa Bay Lightning:
Key Strength: Dwayne Roloson still plays like someone half his age.
Key Weakness: Which unfortunately is still really really really really old.
What If...: Steve Yzerman runs out of Jedi Mind tricks and trades Stamkos for Walker?

Florida Panthers:
Key Strength: Made many great depth signings like Scottie Upshall and depth trades for Kris Versteeg and Brian Campbell
Key Weakness: A lack of something called "a top line"
What If...: the yarmulkes actually get delivered?

Carolina Hurricanes:
Key Strength: Signed backup goalie specialist Brian Boucher in yet another attempt of acquiring former Flyers like Brind'Amour and Michael Leighton.
Key Weakness: Teammates don't understand Jeff Skinner due to the fact he never completes his sentences.
What If...: the Hurricanes become the first southern team to actually win more than 1 Cup?

Previewing the Second Round Matchups

Just like we did for the first round, it's time to preview the other playoff series that don't involve the Flyers. So here we go.

-Western Conference-

#5 Nashville vs #1 Vancouver

How They Got Here: Nashville shot and killed a Duck, Vancouver tossed a Monkey off their back.
What to look for: Will Shea Weber's beard destroy Roberto Luongo?
Who moves on: The Predators


#2 San Jose vs #3 Detroit

How They Got Here: San Jose committed regicide, the Red Wings put some whiteout on the Coyotes

What to look for: Will Joe Thornton realize it's May BEFORE senility sets in on the Red Wings?

Who moves on: Kyle Wellwood disposes of the octopus by making calamari and eating: Sharks move on again.

-Eastern Conference-

#1 Washington vs #5 Tampa Bay

How They Got Here: Washington defeated the Rangers, TBL eliminated the PenGOONs

What to look for: How many of DTV's ideas come true?

Who moves on: Gotta say WSH because TBL will pay for the injustice of keeping Crosby out of the NHL for 9 months?

The Flyers preview will come Saturday

DGS's NHL 11 Sims the Playoffs

Pretty self explanatory, I simmed the playoffs on my NHL 11 game complete with updated rosters and such. Anyway, here's the results for anyone who's curious.

-Western Conference First Round-

#8 Chicago defeats #1 Vancouver in 6 games- Obviously because even an electronic version of Roberto Luongo fears Chelsea Dagger.

#2 San Jose defeats #7 Los Angeles in 7 games- I guess, this is actually fairly accurate. I can see it happening. Also, in the game, after losing game 1 4-1 and going down 5-0 at the end of period 1 in game 2, Antti Niemi gave way to Antero Niittymaki who would win the series and hold onto the starting role.

#6 Phoenix defeats #3 Detroit in 4 games- Apparently the snakes scared the Red Wing into deciding that maybe they should retire south for the summer.

#5 Nashville defeats #4 Anaheim in 4 games- Well the only explanation here (and proved by the 7 goals he had) is that Dan Ellis was afraid to stop Shea Weber's slapshot. (Honestly, I don't blame him).

-Eastern Conference First Round-

#8 New York Rangers defeat #1 Washington in 6 games- In related news, water's still wet, Hell's still hot, Pronger's still snarky, and the Caps can't win playoff series against anyone.

#2 Philadelphia defeats #7 Buffalo in 6 games- I kept Chris Pronger out for this series, the Flyers still won as in 6 games Danny Briere had 10 points (2G-8A) and Mike Richards had 12 points (6G, 6A) and Jeff Carter had 9 goals. No, we don't know how many times Jeff Carter scored on Lisa Hartnell, the game doesn't track that.

#6 Montreal defeats #3 Boston in 4 games- Obviously because the Montreal police arrested the entire Bruins roster before the game, also, during Game 1, Tim Thomas suffered a "broken elbow" and was out 6-8 weeks forcing Tuukka Rask into net. Take that as you will. Also of note, Boston only scored 3 goals the entire season. Greg Campbell was a -6 (worst on the team) and Montreal won every game by 1 goal with Price tossing 2 SOs.

#4 Pittsburgh defeated #5 Tampa in 6 games- Even without Matt Cooke's head shots, the Lightning beat themselves because well, they failed to scout the ECHL scrubs who have been called up by Pittsburgh this season.

-Western Conference Second Round-

#2 San Jose defeats #8 Chicago in 4 games- Chicago, having completed their divine mission, rolls over to San Jose because the Sharks apparently don't choke in May in the video game realm.

#5 Nashville defeats #6 Phoenix in 6 games- another low scoring series, another series where Shea Weber scores a lot. 4 more goals in 6 games for him. Weber's now my Conn Smythe favourite at this point with 11G and 5A in 10 games.

-Eastern Conference Second Round-

#2 Philadelphia defeats #8 New York Rangers in 7 games- King Henrik records 2 Shutouts, which is 2 more than the entire Philadelphia team from October-present. Bobrovsky however never gives up more than 2 goals per game. Also, Marion Gaborik is injured with a "broken jaw" in game 1, causing him miss games 2-7...DAMMIT PRONGER!

#6 Montreal defeats #4 Pittsburgh in 4 games- Obviously the Habs are in Marc Andre Fleury's head. Or on them, or something. Also this series featured both PK Subban and Matt Cooke each racking up 60+ PIMs in this series alone. Hopefully, this happens in real life

-Conference Finals-

West: San Jose defeats Nashville in 7 games- Shea Weber loses his power, apparently Jumbo Joe is now the "cool guy" on the block. I know, hard to believe

East: Philadelphia defeats Montreal in 4 games- Montreal implodes, the team AND the city.

-Cup Finals-

The Philadelphia Flyers defeat the San Jose Sharks in 7 games with breakdowns as follows:

1. SJS 3 @ PHL 4 in 2OTs: Jeff Carter scores in OT unassisted to win it.
2. SJS 5 @ PHL 1: Joe Thornton nets a hat-trick, it's bizarro world...
3. PHL 2 @ SJS 3: Thornton nets a GWG in the third period, oddness continues.
4. PHL 0 @ SJS 1:  Joe Pavelski from Thornton-Marleau on the PP sinks the Flyers, Niity posts a 33 save shutout. Nitty Finals shutouts 1, Flyers Shutouts dating back 1 calendar year-0
5. SJS 2 @ PHL 9: Jeff Carter, Scott Hartnell and Chris Pronger each have hat tricks to pace the Flyers easily.
6. PHL 3 @ SJS 1: Joe Thornton ruins the shutout at 18:55 of Period 3, DAMMIT! But Meszaros has 3 helpers to keep the Flyers going.
7. SJS 4 @ PHL 5: The FLYERS WIN THE STANLEY CUP! Shutout Free!!

Conn Smythe Winner: Jeff Carter: 16 G 14 A in 24 games...clutch