The Many Faces of Chris Pronger

Today it was announced that Chris Pronger is going to miss 4-6 weeks with a foot/toe injury. As many of you probably know, I was driven to a nearly irrational amount of sadness because of it. I mean, my idol, lord, and master Chris Pronger is going to be missing. If you're like me, a total follower of the almighty Pronger, then you probably need a fix of Chris Pronger in your life to be sure that you make it through these next few weeks without doing anything stupid.

(Editor's Note: Amy absolves herself from this, it's just wow, I can't think of anything clever, but I think DGS has gone nuts, for real this time.)


So, here's a look at the many faces of Chris Pronger.

(Editor's Note: I really really hope this isn't as bad as it sounds)


(Author's Note: All pics are taken from outside websites, clicking on the link takes you to the websites that own them, I did NOT take any of the Pronger pictures.)

Epic Pronger is Epic

Epic Pronger: This is Chris Pronger's normal state. It is also known as the state of Awesome. This is because Chris Pronger is more awesome than you could ever dream to be. He didn't mean for it to happen, it just kinda did. You know?

Chris Pronger was just reminded of his awesomeness

Realization: This is the face of Chris Pronger whenever someone reminds him of the fact that he is better than you. He doesn't mean to gloat, but when you're on the level of Chris Pronger, it's unreasonable to not feel superior to all the other people you need to deal with on a daily basis.

Chris Pronger is mildly content, a rare sighting. (Note: he's most likely
thinking "I can't wait to elbow Sidney Crosby")

 Mildly Content: Chris Pronger feels mildly content on occasion. In this case, it's because he elbowed Paul Holmgren into giving him a 7 year 35+ contract with a 4.921 cap hit. Chris Pronger get's a pass though, because he's not a douche or anything, he's just Chris Pronger.

Chris Pronger is sorry, he can't hear you over the sound of
how awesome he is.

Apologetic Pronger: Look, I know you reporters want to interview him, but Chris Pronger's ability to hear questions is sometimes obstructed by the fact that his own awesomeness speaks to him. He's sorry, well not really.

Confusion: Someone just said, 'Chris, you aren't god.' without saying
"just kidding"

Confusion: Chris gets confused when people try to tell that he's not awesome. This is because he doesn't understand why anyone would tell a joke to a 6'6" 230lb guy with elbows that crack skulls frequently. Quite honestly, I don't get it either.

Hey Todd, wipe that smirk off your face before my elbows permanently
remove your face from the rest of your body.

Chris Pronger sometimes has to use violence to make points. This is because sometimes people are unable to comprehend the pure awesome that is Chris Pronger. The beautiful thing about Chris Pronger's elbows is that they leave a permanent impression on your skull like a tattoo. The bad thing, most humans are so unworthy of remembering the exact moment when Chris Pronger touched them that they have memory loss of the incident.

(Editor's Note: Concussions are actually serious business, please get checked if you or someone you know shows symptoms of a concussion. DGS-Cares)

Why yes, I did take those pucks, but we're just gonna act natural.

Guilt: Chris Pronger is not capable of guilt. But he is capable of well, being smug in the face of accusations that may or may not be true. If you know an expert who saw the replay, tell us.

I choose you, to be the victim of my next elbow.

Chris Pronger is an honourable, upstanding, player. He's nice enough, as shown by the above picture, to point out who the next victim of an elbow is going to be. When he does this, players should thank Mr. Pronger for being nice enough to allow them to prepare for a concussion related vacation a long rehab process for brain damage.

Hockey time, the time for awesome.

Chris Pronger is intense, he's probably thinking about elbowing someone in the head. That's how Pronger rolls.

Dear Scott Gomez, the only reason you're not dead right now is
because killing people like you is well, a hate crime. I
am so just gonna embarrass you in the
playoffs instead, Love Pronger.

No need for words, but Scott Gomez is a very brave man for staring certain death in the face. Chris Pronger sent him the letter in the caption.

If you can see Chris Pronger, Chris Pronger can see you,
if you can't see Chris Pronger...

Then it's probably because Chris Pronger is about to set you
up for something called a "Batista Bomb"

Under Chris Pronger's sternum there is not heart, only another elbow that's ready to kill you.

I am fairly sure that I am the 'he'

Chris sadly get's dragged into the world of "he said/she said" with officials. This is because they are incompetent. Chris Pronger would NEVER break any rules. As a matter of fact, Chris Pronger writes the rules.

Why Yes, Chris Pronger is full of win

Full of Win: Chris Pronger is, you, Ben Eager, are not.

Kostitsyn: I'll send my mob friends after you.
Pronger: I elbowed them, they're all dead. They fear my elbows.

And now we know why Kostitsyn looks like he's about to shit himself in this picture.

Chris let him go, wait that's Avery. Chris, pull his head off.

Chris Pronger doing what most people in the world want him to do, remove the head of Sean Avery. Out of curiosity, I doubt that anyone thinks that this is attempted murder.

Angry Pronger, do not go near or elbows shall fly

Angry Pronger: sometimes Chris Pronger gets angry, when he does. Skate away, far away.

Calm Pronger; it's how he relaxes.

When Pronger unwinds after a hard day of throwing elbows to faces of idiots, he calms down and shows his sensitive side. How can anyone ever feel bad about the above person? How can anyone do anything but love the above face of Pronger?



And then when all is said and done:

King Pronger: Lord of the Elbow

Things People Involved in the NHL are Thankful For

Happy Thanksgiving to my loyal American DGS readers. Speaking of it being Thanksgiving, it's the time of the year to be thankful, for something like hockey and the Flyers being in first place. Because of this, we sent out some texts to some NHL players to ask them what they're thankful for. The responses we got were rather enlightening.


Kyle Wellwood: "Butter, stuffing, French fries and trans-fats."

PK Subban: "Mike Richards didn't kill me, that's the nicest thing someone's done for me since my car got burned during a riot last spring"

Sheldon Souray: "I get to play in Hershey instead of Edmonton; mission accomplished"

Sidney Crosby: "No matter how much I dive, Bettman still loves me"

Patrick Kane: "Thbt Suttere kidd who pnchrd cabbie driverz"
(I wasn't sure what he was ok so I texted him back to ask 'Dude are you ok?')
Kane's response: "Yes, jus haad somme tequila"

Dammit Kane, stay sober for like...a day..seriously

Dan Ellis: "My money"

David Booth: "Mike Richards didn't kill me, I owe him one."

Peter Chiarelli: "Making the playoffs and getting a lottery pick 2 years in a row"

Colin Campbell: (Editor's Note: Colie didn't respond, apparently he doesn't know to use a Blackberry)

Brian Burke: "No one pretends to be me on Twitter anymore."

Glen Sather: "The Rangers ownership, for keeping me employed"

Derek Boogaard: "My goal scoring abilities"

Ilya Kovachuk: "Being able to play in NHL for 9 more years even tho Bett-man think I play 15 more"

Crazy Lou: "Jelly"

Joe Thornton: "The Heimlich maneuver, saving my life every year after I seem to choke every May"

Antti Niemi: "Leighton not closing 5 hole, made me cup winning goalie"

Sean Avery: "The ability to give others my sloppy seconds"

Henrik Sedin: "Daniel Sedin"

Daniel Sedin: "Henrik Sedin"

Coach Sutter: "Having a brother as GM so i dont get fired"

Brad Richards: "Knowing that I have at most, 7 months and 6 days in Dallas"

Andrew Raycroft: "A job in the AHL for the Texas Stars that keeps me from playing in Russia"
My response: "Uh Andrew, you play for the NHL's Dallas Stars"
Andrew Raycroft: "LOL there is NO way this is an 'NHL' team, it's defence is like ECHL quality"

Brian Gionta: "No one's burned my house down even tho I'm an American who's captain of the Habs"

Scott Gomez: "the lack of a height requirement to play in the NHL"

Jason Spezza: "Not having been destroyed by Patrick Sharp since 2004"

Gary Bettman: "Being a league that's so unnoticed, no one did anything about Colin Campbell...those MLB guys always dragged in front of Congress; that sucks for them"

DGS 101: Not only is it post 101, but I'm actually gonna show you who I am

Hi everybody!

DGS on guitar, his other hobby

My name is Down Goes Spezza Matt. That's right, I have the same first name as my blogging brother. If you don't know who that is, then you must be new here, welcome. My blogging brother is Don't Trade Vinny.


Also, you may be curious as to what I look like, well, I posted a pic of me on twitter about a week ago (ironically seeing a picture of me was more popular than my previous 3 posts, the conclusion I've drawn is that I'm incredibly good looking.)

So here we go, the official DGS bio


Name: Matt Bernot
Height: 5'9" (Claims 5'11")
Weight: 145lbs (Claims 170lbs)
Age: 21
DOB: October 11, 1988
Position: Defense/LW
Shoots: Right


You can follow the real me on twitter @MattBernot if you're interested, I rarely tweet on it though.

Random facts about me in no particular order

• I'm taller than the forwards on the Habs top line
  
• I'm going for a dual degree on Political Science and Psychology
  
• My career coal is work for the FBI as a Criminal Profiler in the BAU
  
• I'm the unofficial psychologist of the blogosphere
  
• My favorite players who are currently in the NHL are Simon Gagne, Kimmo Timonen, Mike Modano and Mikko Koivu
  
• My favorite players when I was younger were John LeClair, Eric Desjardins, Peter Forsberg, Joe Sakic, Adam Deadmarsh and Ron Hextall

So there you go, please don't sue me.

NHL 2010-2011 Season Previews: Northeast Division

With the season coming up soon enough. I think it's time to get a look at what team's have been working on during training camp. Lucky for you, the DGS-SuperSpies uncovered what's going on behind the scenes at all 30 NHL team's training camps. As a responsible human being, I have decided to post the shocking findings here for you to see. Today, we start with the Northeast division.

Montreal Canadiens

The Good: Will save money on pregame meals by being able to serve forwards from the kids menu.

The Bad: Decided to follow an idea presented by Down Goes Brown during the first around of the playoffs and are apparently going to start "Empty Net" as their goalie.

Secret Strategy for the New Season: Players have worked on riot escape in practice as Montreal citizens tend to riot after every game regardless of result.

Toronto Maple Leafs

The Good: Can avoid worrying about such debates as "Who to draft in 2011?" because of their lack of draft picks.

The Bad: Have yet to find a way to remove Tomas Kaberle from the team.

Secret Strategy for the New Season: Will magically improve forward depth by re-signing Vesa Toskala and converting him to center.

Boston Bruins

The Good: Due the NHL's Salary Cap, the Bruins roster is set in stone with players such as Tim Thomas and Marc Savard still on the active roster and no way to move them.

The Bad: Will be forced to place Marc Savard on LTIR after he accidentally runs into Zdeno Chara's knee during practice causing Savard to suffer a concussion.

Secret Strategy for the New Season: Will avoid blowing 3-0 leads in the post-season by avoiding the post season altogether.

Ottawa Senators

The Good: Have 2 great backup goaltenders who are great for 10-15 games a season

The Bad: Have a player married to Carrie Underwood, picking up Tony Romo's sloppy seconds has been known to cause problems.

Secret Strategy for the New Season: When in doubt, the fire the coach.

Buffalo Sabres

The Good:Have a GM who's willing to save players like Tomas Vanek from signing with Edmonton.

The Bad: Will no longer be able to score easy goals due to the fact that Vesa Toskala is no longer a goalie in this division.

Secret Strategy for the New Season: Will continue to fly under the radar and ride Ryan Miller for as long

The Curious Case of Ilya Kovalchuk

Editor's Note: This post is written by Amy, NOT DGS.




Ilya Kovalchuk, where will he end up. Well, the DGS SuperSpies have tried to find out, and they have some interesting ideas, as well as what this means for Flyers fans. So with the help of me, the Amazing Amy, DGS made a list of 10 possible destinations and what Flyers fans should think of them.



Team: NJ Devils
Odds: 4:1
Reasons to Go: Will be backed by a Hall of Fame caliber goalie and a great Defensive system
Reasons to Not Go: The Devils aren't exactly known for opening the bank for offensive talents
Meaning to Flyers: If he's in NJ, we're fucked.


Team: Toronto Maple Leafs
Odds: 10:1
Reasons to Go: Kovy and Kessel on the top 2 lines, it's bound to work, right?
Reasons to Not Go: Does Toronto have a D that can allow Kovy a chance to win
Meaning to Flyers: Only facing Kovy 4 times a year instead of 6 is a bonus, but I'd fear Kovy in the playoffs


Team: Boston Bruins
Odds: 500:1
Reasons to Go: Kovy/Hall/Savard top line, that's amazing
Reasons to Not Go: Will be traded to Toronto for a decade's worth of first rounders and Luke Schenn
Meaning to Flyers: Kovy in Boston=Bruins as favourites for the Cup in 2011


Team: Washington Capitals
Odds: 25:1
Reasons to Go: An all Russian top line of Ovy-Semin-Kovy sounds nice
Reasons to Not Go: Mike Green would then be the Caps top D-man causing every game to be decided by a score of 9-8
Meaning to Flyers: Really isn't one until the playoffs roll around...


Team: Edmonton Oilers
Odds: 100,000:1
Reasons to Go: I heard Edmonton feels like Russia in winter.
Reasons to Not Go: I heard Edmonton feels like Russia in winter
Meaning to Flyers: It's second best option.


Team: San Jose Sharks
Odds: 85:1
Reasons to Go: "Thornton to Kovalchuk...SHARKS SCORE" would guarantee another San Jose President's Trophy
Reasons to Not Go: Cap issues, lack of playoff success, risk of having to get a ride with Dany Heatley all come to mind
Meaning to Flyers: Again, it's nice to have Kovy out of the east...but I sure wouldn't mind having Kovy on another continent.


Team: Montreal Canadiens
Odds: 100:1
Reasons to Go: A skilled sniper would give the Habs a legit scoring threat
Reasons to Not Go: Other Habs players may be afraid of a giant 6'2" 230lb Russian
Meaning to Flyers: When Habs fans riot after wins against Toronto, the Flyers may have to give up their reputation as the "most brutish fans in hockey, or sport for that matter"


Team: Chicago Black Hawks
Odds: 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000:1
Reasons to Go: After the Hawks implode this team in order to gain cap space, they could restock with Kovy-Toews-Kane as their top line
Reasons to Not Go: Kovy would then need to work for free.
Meaning to Flyers: Hey, at least it keeps him OUT of the Eastern Conference...


Team: Philadelphia Flyers
Odds: 150,000:1
Reasons to Go: Great chance to win a cup
Reasons to Not Go: Flyers already have 8 top-6 caliber forwards
Meaning to Flyers: He becomes our weapon on offense, at the expense of having a goalie next year, seriously, Kovy=Boucher/Backlund in net


Team: Anyone in the KHL
Odds: 3:1
Reasons to Go: $14 million and a chance to be close to home why NOT take it.
Reasons to Not Go: I heard it's cold in Russia...
Meaning to Flyers: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET THIS HAPPEN!!!!


Hope you guys like it.


-Amy

It's not so bad, is it...

I think the title says it all. The question of course is, "Is being down 2-0 the nail in the coffin?" The answer is "it might be, it could very well be, but as the Flyers proved against the Bruins, it ain't over until the last game is played"

The Flyers have the talent to come back, they have the tools and Lavi has shown he's can rally the troops with the right timeouts and at the right times.

Is a change in goal the answer?

Maybe, just maybe the team can be sparked by Boucher in net, stranger things have happened, see Flyers 2009-2010 season.


Now, before I bow out into a pit of despair and depression from being down 2-0 and the fact that I'm still single...I do have some humor for today. A bunch of possible situations that are worse than what the Flyers are in right now...



1. They could have finished in last place and not had a draft pick to show for it...luckily that award went to the Toronto Maple Leafs

2. They could have had a season characterized by horrible goaltending and drama caused by changing Captains midseason....that honor went to the Carolina Hurricanes

3. They could have no idea where there home games are being played next year due to the impending sale of their team to an unknown buyer....that winner of that prize, the Phoenix Coyotes

4. They could tease us every year with a team that looks stacked and owns everything in sight during the regular season only to choke horribly in the playoffs...I'm looking at you San Jose

5. They could play in a city that riots after every single win...Est cette vraie, Montréal?


Also, when it comes to the players:

Mike Leighton and Brian Boucher COULD be Robert Esche and Roman Cechmanek or Martin Biron and Antero Niittymaki, of course, the way injuries went this season, there were 50/50 odds of us entering this series with Backlund/Duchesne in net...

Chris Pronger COULD be Randy Jones

Playoff Briere COULD be Not-Playoff Briere

Mike Richards COULD be NOT BOBBY CLARKE 2010

Simon Gagne COULD be Eric Lindros 2.0



Anyway, hopefully something turns around for the Flyers back in this city...

NHL Conference Finals Previews

Since Down Goes Spezza seems to have a mind crazy enough to work in these playoffs. We, the DGS brains, have decided that we are going to sort out this mess

Up first, we have the Western Conference Finals

#2 Chicago and #1 San Jose

San Jose Sharks

Pro: Have dynamic forwards such as Thornton, Heatley, Setoguchi and Marleau who can take over a game and own it.
Con: All of whom are due for their annual postseason choke job.

Pro: Have an experienced goalie in Evgeni Nabokov who played for Team Russia in the Olympics.
Con: And when the going got tough, he choked like the rest of the Sharks

Pro: This year's NHL playoff theme is "History will be made" which is possibly a sign that the Sharks will not choke for a change.
Con: This year's NHL playoff theme is "History will be made" which is possibly a sign that the Sharks will choke in a way so epic that the Bruins won't be remembered as the biggest chokers in 2010.




Chicago Black Hawks

Pro: Have a really versatile player in Dustin Byfuglien who can turn around a game as a shut down defense-man or power forward
Con: May be unable to actually get to the games because of his role in the pizza crawl.

Pro: Have a great set of defense-man such as Duncan Keith, Brent Seabrook and Brian Campbell.
Con: It's also possible that Brian Campbell's lack of a collarbone could be a problem.

Pro: Goalie Antti Niemmi has a habit of swallowing pucks and keeping them out of the net.
Con: Of course, sometimes he also loses them altogether.


-Analysis-

Real simple, Sharks choke, and Hawks in 6

#7 Flyers and #8 Canadiens

Flyers

Pro: Totally own the size advantage over them midget Habs forwards
Con: Totally might have issues getting a puck past Halak.

Pro: Will get a momentum lift by getting Jeff Carter back from injury.
Con: Per league rules, will have a goaltender go down to injury as well.

Pro: Mike Leighton is amazing
Con: Mike Leighton has never been this far in the postseason before.




Habs

Pro: Have a set of skilled forwards who can turn a game around.
Con: They're still tiny!

Pro: Halak is an amazing goalie on a Cinderella run.
Con: Look how it turned out for him in the Olympics

Pro: Have shut down Ovechkin and Crosby and Malkin, the 3 best players in the league offensively.
Con: Never had to stop an attack as balanced as the Flyers.


-Analysis-

The Flyers are far too balanced to get downed by the Habs, Flyers in 6. Montreal still riots anyway.

Game 7 Preview #2: Habs at Caps

In part two of my entries on Game 7s in the first round, we look at the Eastern Conference, Habs and Captitals.

So we have the 8^th seeded Habs looking to upset top ranked President’s Trophy winning Washington.

Like it was done for the Coyotes/Wings, Down Goes Spezza has all you need to know.

Canadiens:

Pro: Have a set of skilled dynamic forwards who know how to move the puck around the offensive zone

Con: All of whom are less than 5 feet tall

Pro: Have set of strong leaders with playoff experience including Stanley Cup Winners Brian Gionta and Scott Gomez among others

Con: Also have Hal Gill, a free agent once signed by John Ferguson Jr. of the Toronto Maple Leafs

Pro: Will play game 7 in Washington, free of rioters who might try to set the team bus on fire.

Con: Will play game 7 in Washington, free of Belarusian mobsters who may try to make the Capitals disappear

Capitals:

Pro: Have a blue line anchored by Norris Trophy nominee Mike Green who is known for offensive playmaking abilities make him a threat to score at any time

Con: Have a blue line anchored by Trophy nominee Mike Green who is known for defensive playmaking abilities that make the other team a threat to score at any time

Pro: Captain Alex Ovechkin is an incredibly talented scorer who’s known for his ability to bat the puck out of mid air

Con: Coupled with his pitching ability, Ovechkin may be jumping ship to the Washington Nationals

Pro: In a gift to the team to prepare them for the playoffs, Captain Alex Ovechkin had “too hot to handle” sticks made for every player on the team

Con: Sticks were promptly used to start bonfires in post-game riots after game 6 in Montreal leaving the team with sticks that are "slightly warm" instead

Who’s going to win?

It seems the Capitals turned their backs on the series after going up 3-1. And of course, whenever something turns it back on the Capitals, Ovechkin promptly runs it into to the boards effectively destroying it for weeks to come. On the other side, Halak’s followed the tradition of Habs goaltenders started by Carey Price of smoking. Habs take game 7, then promptly get destroyed in the next round when Halak's fire goes out.