Daria Meets the NHL

As many of you know, I've recently become obsessed with the show Daria. It got me thinking, what if NHL players/personalities were actually Daria characters.



Daria Morgendorfer: the protagonist of the show, she's quick-witted, intelligent and loves to troll.

Here is Daria trolling her own sister...



Remind you of someone....Daria Morgendorfer is Chris Pronger.



Brittany: The clueless dumb blonde cheerleader stereotype. She has no redeeming social value or intelligence or talent....


Remind you of someone....Brittany is any goon...


Trent Lane: Jane's underachieving, lazy, older brother. He plays in a band called Mystik Spyral. He doesn't have a real job,


Sadly you can't embed the video: http://youtu.be/COBuDtR8Fis 
It's Trent accepting an alternate plan, of sitting around doing nothing because Jane and Daria won't trust him to actually do anything complicated despite Trent being the only "adult" in the situation...

As my girlfriend is a CaroLOLna Hurricanes fan, I know that Trent is.....TOMAS KABERLE!




Jane Lane: Jane is Daria's best friend. She also attempts to BE Daria a few times despite not being as smart. They're an inseparable pair.




Since Daria is Chris Pronger and Jane is trying to be her, Jane Lane is.... Matt Carle, Ryan Suter, Shea Weber, Andrej Meszaros, Andreas Lilja, Luke Schenn....oh dear god the Flyers defense is totally screwed.



Mr. DeMartino:  The angry, misanthropic, self loathing history teacher.

Sorry: again, lack of embedding... http://youtu.be/4Md0bGSrzlw

Angry, snarky when asked questions by those who are SUPPOSED to ask questions...oh my god it's John Tortorella.


Tiffany: Member of the fashion club, complete idiot.





Let's see, dumb quotes, dumb explanations that make no sense... Tiffany is every NHL referee ever.



Quinn Morgendorfer: Daria's sister. Fashion club member. User of boys.

Quinn is, quite simply, a puck bunny.




Jake Morgendorfer: Daria's dad. He has big dreams, but never quite reaches potential.


Here's Jake not moving the Pentagon...

Jake has big dreams, but never really materializes...just like the Lockout to Lockout Toronto Maple Leafs.


Helen Morgendorfer: Daria's mom. She's business driven but totally clueless as to her own family...




Wait a second, somewhat nuts, moody and withdrawn but dedicated to her craft...it's Mike Richards



Kevin Thompson: Brittany's boyfriend and the stereotypical football player.

He's an oil-typhoon...or as Gary Bettman prays, the next owner of the Coyotes.



Well, stop standing on my neck, the post is over. ALRIGHT! *turns on Pigskin Channel*

Previewing the Second Round Matchups

Just like we did for the first round, it's time to preview the other playoff series that don't involve the Flyers. So here we go.

-Western Conference-

#5 Nashville vs #1 Vancouver

How They Got Here: Nashville shot and killed a Duck, Vancouver tossed a Monkey off their back.
What to look for: Will Shea Weber's beard destroy Roberto Luongo?
Who moves on: The Predators


#2 San Jose vs #3 Detroit

How They Got Here: San Jose committed regicide, the Red Wings put some whiteout on the Coyotes

What to look for: Will Joe Thornton realize it's May BEFORE senility sets in on the Red Wings?

Who moves on: Kyle Wellwood disposes of the octopus by making calamari and eating: Sharks move on again.

-Eastern Conference-

#1 Washington vs #5 Tampa Bay

How They Got Here: Washington defeated the Rangers, TBL eliminated the PenGOONs

What to look for: How many of DTV's ideas come true?

Who moves on: Gotta say WSH because TBL will pay for the injustice of keeping Crosby out of the NHL for 9 months?

The Flyers preview will come Saturday

The Western Conference Quarter Finals

I did this last year and I'm doing it again this year, previewing the Western Conference playoff series to make sure you know how to be with your NHL playoff bracket.


#1 Vancouver vs #8 Chicago

What you need to know about Vancouver: Roberto Luongo fears the United Center

What you need to know about Chicago: Patrick Kane's still drunk from June 2010

Who's gonna win?- Chelsea Dagger stabs the Canucks again, Chicago wins in 6







#2 San Jose vs #7 Los Angeles

What you need to know about San Jose: Joe Thornton hasn't been that it's playoff time yet.

What you need to know about Los Angeles: Terry Murray and John Stevens are running their bench

Who's gonna win? Gotta be San Jose, Thornton won't see a calendar...and do you REALLY think a team with John Stevens on their bench has a playoff run in them?





#3 Detroit vs #6 Winnipeg Hamilton Quebec City Phoenix

What you need to know about Detroit: Detroit's roster remembers playing in the NHL before the NHL was in Winnipeg...come to think of it, I'm pretty sure the Red Wings remember the last time the Ottawa Senators won a Stanley Cup

What you need to know about Phoenix: Biz-Nasty plays for them, which means this series will have the most interesting tweets.

Who's gonna win? Since there's obviously no such thing as hockey in Phoenix...Detroit wins


#4 Anaheim vs #5 Nashville

What you need to know about Anaheim: They have 5 star players, Getzlaf, Perry, Ryan, Selanne and Visnovsky...but they're goalie is Dan Ellis and his backup is the #DanEllisProblems

What you need to know about Nashville: They're goalie is kinda huge...and not like Tim Thomas or Marty Brodeur. Also, they have a defenseman with a giant slapshot...wait...huge goalie...D-man with a 104+MPH slapshot...are you SURE we're not talking about the Bruins? Apparently, yes,  I can confirm, Nashville has a hockey team...and Mike Fisher-Underwood plays for them. Ok, then...wow...learn something everyday.


Who's Gonna win? Nashville, because Dan Ellis will refuse to stop Shea Weber's slapshot.

The Last 4 Unbeaten Teams and Their Dirty Little Secrets

So we have 4 unbeaten teams in the NHL, all of them are rather surprising, and this got me thinking, why is that these teams have stayed unbeaten for so long. Needless to say, I sent the DGS-SuperSpies to find out, and what they learned was rather enlightening.

• Team: -Dallas Stars-
  Reasons for Winning: Players no longer feel any pressure to perform because Mike Modano is no longer around to tell the stars stories of picking up a giant trophy in June after winning a 16 team tournament. Because of this lack of pressure, the Stars have concentrated on having fun on the ice and have accidentally won a few games.
  Reasons to Lose: Because Andrew Raycroft will be forced to play a game at some point this season.
  
• Team: -Nashville Predators-
  Reasons for Winning: Opposing forwards tend to be scared of the giant goaltenders in net for the Predators. On the other end of the ice, no one tries to block shots off the stick of Shea Weber out of fear that they will become the next Sami Salo.
  Reasons to Lose: They are the Nashville Predators.
  
• Team: -Toronto Maple Leafs-
  Reasons for Winning: Because the Leafs no longer employ Vesa Toskala. Also, the Leafs finally caught onto the idea that maybe pissing off Brian Burke is a bad idea.
  Reasons to Lose: If Colton Orr can lose a fight, then the Leafs can lose a game.
  
• Team: -Tampa Bay Lightning-
  Reasons for Winning: Employ a team of winners known as the 2008 Philadelphia Flyers.
  Reasons to Lose: In a second lapse of judgement, Steve Yzerman will trade Dan Ellis's problems to the Montreal Canadiens for Carey Price's cigarettes. This will cause Ellis to take up smoking before games leading to him to run out of money as well as talent. (PS: Dan Ellis's Problems will cause Habs fans to riot.)