NHL Father's Day Fun

Today, err yesterday...was Father's Day and needless to say, we can assume that many NHL stars did things that made their dad's happy...my super spies picked up some of the list:

Jeff Carter: Played some hockey with his dad in London, Ontario. When Papa Carter was in net, Carter couldn't score because every shot still went high and wide.

Zdeno Chara: Attempted to have a face to face chest conversation with his dad, but then a stanchion got in the way.

Alex Burrows: Alex attempted to play a round of golf with his dad, it ended abruptly on the first hole when Old Man Burrows took his first shot and all the way on the green, Alex fell over and claimed to have a broken nose.

Greg Campbell: Thanked his dad on behalf of the entire Bruins team and fanbase for winning a Stanley Cup for the Boston Bruins.

Mark Recchi: dedicated his future day with the Stanley Cup to his dad, who won Cups with Pittsburgh in the early 90s...wait, what's that? that was Mark...oohhhh wow...oops.

Ilya Bryzgalov: Got to tell his dad about the merits of the American Capitalist System in that he's about to get a huge payday and the idiocy of the American Businessman who toss big contracts out like idiots since he's getting a huge payday.

Dan Carcillo: Asked his dad if he's proud of things he's Tweeted about.

Weddings and Fun

Yesterday DGS attended a cousin's wedding, needless to say, Family Goes Spezza started asking me about when I was getting married and it got me thinking, what's it like to compare hockey and a wedding.


Wedding: A bunch of people attend an event where 2 people come together, say, "I do" and hopefully live happily ever after.
Hockey: A bunch of people attend an event where 2 people come together, say, "I do" and then proceed to punch each other repeatedly in the face before sitting apart for 5 minutes.

Wedding: Some marriages are just made in heaven and you know there's perfect chemistry between the couple.
Hockey: Some lines are just made via amazing trades and the draft and you know there's perfect twin magic between the Sedins.

Wedding: When something goes wrong, there's a detailed court system in place to sort it out.
Hockey: When something goes wrong, there's a Wheel of Justice and a Flowchart.

Wedding: Feigning illness or injury in order to either gain sympathy or avoid doing something for your spouse is a common technique that is only used after years of marriage.
Hockey: Feigning illness or injury to gain sympathy from referees is a constant event for players on the Vancouver Canucks.

Wedding: Meddling Mothers-In-Law tend to break apart marriages through possible conspiracies.
Hockey: Before June 2011, The NHL conspired against the 29 teams that did NOT employ one Greg Campbell.

Wedding: Brides with a checkered history still wear white to hide their past indiscretions.
Hockey: Sean Avery isn't afraid to let people know who has picked up sloppy seconds.

Wedding: Evil, impossible to satisfy brides who are always taking heads off are known as Bride-zilla
Hockey: Matt Cooke.

Wedding: Some people choose to "elope" or get married quietly without much fanfare with the only proof of marriage being a marriage certificate
Hockey: The Phoenix Coyotes played the Columbus Blue Jackets 4 times this season, allegedly.

Wedding: A good best man will deliver a toast that doesn't involve the phrases, "down in Tijuana" "while we were on spring break" or other unsavory stories, but if it happens, the groom just has to suck it up and deal with it and hope his marriage doesn't end before it begins.
Hockey: Taunting is now punishable because it hurts feelings. This is because last year, Chris Pronger was day-to-day with hurt feelings.

Things Daniel Carcillo Said to Get Suspended

So, earlier today it was announced that Dan Carcillo will be suspended 2 games to start the 2011-2012 campaign.

Now it was said that Carcillo engaged in aggressive behavior with officials and a lot of people wonder, what really went down. Needless to say, the DGS-SuperSpies obtained for me the official transcript of what was said between Mr. Carcillo and NHL Linesman Mr. Ms. Brian Murphy (Because Chris Pronger said that refs are the "she")


Dan Carcillo: Hey! Murphy.

Brian Murphy: Yes, Daniel.

Carcillo: Do you like my facial hair?

Murphy: No, sir, I do not.

Carcillo: Why not?

Murphy: It's ugly

Carcillo: I bet if I was Greg Campbell you would like it.

Murphy: That is because Greg Campbell is amazing and I like my job.

Carcillo: But Greg Campbell is a dirty, filthy, cheating, scumbag, bottom feeding, trash bag ho.

Murphy: I think that comment was out of line, Daniel. I will be telling Colie about this.

Carcillo: You think this comment was out of line, is that what you think?

Murphy: Well------

Carcillo: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!!!!!!!!!!

Murphy: Uhh, Danny....*points to figure in the dressing room* that's Colie...he heard you say everything.

Carcillo: *throws head back, falls on floor* I got sticked in the face by that EVIL EVIL EVIL Steve Ott who tried to murder the heroic Greg Campbell.

Colie: Hmm; that's a fair mitigating circumstance, you only get 2 games instead of a lifetime ban.

Other Things NHL Players Have Forgotten

So, earlier this weekend Flyers Captain Michael Richards tweeted about forgetting to pay his cable bill

Oh Richie, were you also expecting a phone call
informing you that the 2nd round of the playoffs
had started as well?

Well, honestly Mr. Richards isn't the only person in the NHL to forget something, as a matter of fact, many NHL players and personalities have been known to forget things, and here at DGS, we have the list.



Paul Holmgren: Has forgotten how to do basic math and has given the Flyers cap problems for at least the next 5 years.

Dan Ellis: Has claimed that he "forgot" to pay his ESCROW.

Nick Lidstrom: Is so old that he has in fact, forgotten to retire.

Paul Holmgren: Has forgotten the rules of the CBA pertaining to 35+ contracts and gave Pronger 7 years and a cap hit of 4.921.

The Toronto Maple Leafs: Have forgotten what the playoffs are.

Joe Thornton: Has apparently forgotten that he is playing in the playoffs right now.

Paul Holmgren: Has forgotten, like his predecessor, what "goaltending" is.

Kyle Wellwood: Forgets to stick to his diet.

Evgeni Nabokov: Forgot that the Islanders do NOT yet have a new arena and ended up lost on Long Island because he absolutely thought that there was no way an NHL team would ever play in the Nassau Coliseum.

Michael Leighton: Has forgotten how to close his 5-hole.

Paul Holmgren: Forgot that Michael Leighton doesn't know how to close his 5 hole and therefore gave him a 1.55 cap hit.

Chris Pronger: Would like to forget this year from hell.

Scott Hartnell and Kris Versteeg: Have both forgotten how to skate which led to the fun of Hartnell Down and Versteeg Down counts.

Jonathan Toews: Has forgotten how to blink, show emotion, and display normal.

The Boston Bruins: Have forgotten that it's perfectly OK to score when you're up a man.

Paul Holmgren: Has forgotten what a draft pick is due to the fact that the Flyers haven't had one in forever.

Roberto Luongo, and many of the Vancouver Canucks: Have forgotten the difference between a diving pool and an ice rink.

Matt Cooke: Will most likely soon forget the lesson he learned from his 17 game suspension for a headshot and will end up elbowing Gregory Campbell in the head early next season.

Gary Bettman: Has obviously forgotten that he doesn't work for the NBA anymore.

Patrick Kane: Has forgotten what it's like to be sober

The Flyers Entire Defensive Corps: Randomly forgets how to play defense leaving Brian Boucher alone against Zdeno Chara slap shots.

Daniel Carcillo: Forgot that some things, like questions involving sexual turn ons, are probably better left to realm of a "DM" on Twitter.

Ilya Bryzgalov: Forgot that the playoffs actually count.

25% Through the Season with 25 Reasons Why Your Team Could Win It All

So, since we're a quarter of the way through the season, it's probably a good idea to let you know the 25 reasons why your team could make the playoffs. Like last time, I'm pretty sure we're only gonna be about 25% accurate, but oh well.

1. You have a player who scores with the stick in his pants instead of the stick in his hands.
   
2. Your team plays in the Central Division.
   
3. You have Swedish twins on your top line.
   
4. Last season, your team had both a lottery pick and a playoff appearance.
   
5. Your team acquired Gregory Campbell
   
6. The opposing GMs in your division are named: Sather, Snow and Crazy Lou.
   
7. Your GM is a Jedi.
   
8. Your starting lineup is so scary, goalies have literally fainted from the amount of talent on your top line.
   
9. Daniel Alfredsson has guaranteed your team will fall short of the playoffs.
   
10. The Florida Panthers have invited fans of your team to their home games.
    
11. You have a gold medal winning goalie from 2010 in net.
    
12. You are an NHL team that doesn't play home games in Alberta, Canada.
    
13. Gary Bettman has a man crush on your team's captain.
    
14. Your top line has a player whose BAC is higher than his jersey number.
    
15. Your team employs a goalie who stopped the 2 best offenses in the playoffs last year.
    
16. Your team's goalie is the new rookie goalie sensation. (warning: may not work next year.)
    
17. Your goalie will take your team to the playoffs because the alternative is paying for golfing lessons and he hates paying for anything.
    
18. Your team is so stacked at forward, they can afford to trade a #2 overall draft pick from a few seasons ago for 'future considerations' and actually gain depth.
    
19. Well, hey, Joe Thornton can't suck every year now, can he?
    
20. Your team has $19M player who can't take a penalty shot instead of a $100M player unable to take a penalty shot.
    
21. You're team wasn't mentioned on yesterday's list.
    
22. There are no Sutter's making decisions in your organization.
    
23. Your team failed to land Ilya Kovalchuk.
    
24. Your old former Vezina winning goalie got so fat, he now takes up the whole net to the point that nothing gets by him.
    
25. You don't play in Canada.