More NHL iPods

Just over a year ago I did a piece of NHL iPods talking about players favorite songs. It seems like it's time to do it again, This time with music videos!



Scott Hartnell:

Top 3 songs:
-Falling Down by the Birthday Massacre



-Falling by Lacuna Coil



-Falling Again by Lacuna Coil






Terry Pegula: Owner of the Buffalo Sabres



This always seemed to play for him...


Blair Betts: Bad pun on a name alert...




Paul Ranger: Where'd you go?





A Certain Philadelphia Reporter who loves to make up stories and is horribly incompetent:



What song better than "Storytime", something that implies everything is fiction.


Rick DiPietro: The Islander because no matter what, he's always going to be an Islander.




Antti Niemi: Nemo...what's better than a song named after you?





Rick Nash: Over the Hills and Far Away, which is basically him wanting out of Columbus...






The Carolina Hurricanes: Stone People, aka the Hurricanes Defense




Sergei Gonchar: For the Heart I Once Had...because once I got to Ottawa, I stopped giving a sh!t




Sieve Mason: Better Days....he's had them




Ville Leino: Wish You Were Here...as in...he wishes he was still on a line with Scott Hartnell and Danny Briere to carry him...






Finally: Charles Wang, NYI owner....Gimme Shelter...as in a new Arena

NHL Stars Tips To Beating The Heat

Yesterday, it was 103 degrees in my hometown. That's effin hot. Luckily I stayed cool because of a great AC and these tips for staying cool that were submitted to me by the amazing DGS Super Spies. Sadly, unlike the Miami Heat, this head wave doesn't disappear after 3. Luckily, here's how some NHL-ers are beating the heat.



Jonathan Toews: Walked outside wearing a winter coat, gloves, ski cap, and boots, stared at the air around him until it froze to an icy -62 Fahrenheit.

Ilya Bryzgalov: Gave the following quote, "Why you heff to be mad? Just use $51M to buy big air conditioner."

Dan Ellis: Commented that, "it takes more talent to survive in 100+ degree heat than it does to be a brain surgeon"

The Atlanta Thrashers: Packed up and moved to Winnipeg, and were never seen again.

Taylor Hall: Called Tyler Seguin and said, "that Cup doesn't keep you cool like Edmonton does."

Dany Heatley: Demanded a trade to Edmonton, Calgary or a demotion to ECHL Alaska.

Glen Sather: Signed the thermometer to a 12 year 78M contract because, "there's no way mercury gets cold in NYC winters."...he doesn't realize that a "No Movement Clause" doesn't mean the mercury will stay hot...L-O-L Rangers...L-O-L

Matt Cooke: Elbowed himself in the head, so he could sleep through the heat.

Paul Holmgren: Didn't get out of the heat because he didn't realize that 103 is higher than 75. He started suffering from heatstroke, the first symptom, he said, "Today, I will use math while making decisions."

Rick DiPietro: Ended up on LTIR after a bead of sweat fell off his head and onto his leg causing his ACL to tear.

Sean Couturier: Thanked his lucky stars that the 50-contract limit keeps him in the QMJHL.

The DGS Hockey Scouting Report

Most of you know that I used to play hockey. But there are some reasons as to why I don't play anymore, try to figure out my game through this scouting report.

The Down Goes Spezza Scouting Report

Height: 5'10

Weight: 155lbs

Position: Left Wing

Hands: This player is known for his ability to find the open guy like Ville Leino, but his shooting ability is akin to Andreas "No Goal" Nodl.

Skating: Scott Hartnell stays vertical more than DGS does.

Checking: Solid defensively and a great PK guy, kinda like Darrol Powe.

Discipline: His stick is all over the place, there's usually more stick fouls than Danny Briere on a bad night with this guy.

Health: His joints explode like Rick DiPietro. His bone's explode like Marion Gaborik. His brain explodes like Eric Lindros.

There, now you know something about me. 

iPods of the NHL

Sometimes we here at DGS just run into things by accident. And these accidents cause us to send out the DGS SuperSpies on special investigations to find out the truth. In todays case, a DGS writer was chatting with a friend about music and we got curious, what do different NHL players listen to while on the road and all. Well guess what, we sent the DGS superspies all around the NHL and they grabbed a few iPods of NHL players and got a look at some of their "Top Played" songs. Needless to say, the results were shocking.

• Weird Al was a hit among quite a few current and former NHL players. Martin Brodeur, Tim Thomas and Kyle Wellwood all had "I'm Fat" as their top played tune.
• A Mr. Sutter, GM of the Flames, had Thin Lizzy's "The Boys Are Back In Town" as his most listened to song. I wonder if this explains his recent moves.
• Rick DiPietro's top played tune was "Broken" by Seether w. Amy Lee (A close second was Dry Cell's "Body Crumbles"
• Foreigner's "Double Vision" was the top played song on Simon Gagne's iPod, it beat out U2's "Vertigo" by one play.
• Speaking of Lightning players, we found Paul Ranger's iPod, the top 5 songs on it where:
  1. The Moody Blues's I Know You're Out There Somewhere"
  2. U2 "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For"
  3. Evanescence's "Missing"
  4. Our Lady Peace's "Somewhere Out There"
  5. Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here"
• Jeff Carter's iPod only had one song on it. "Scotty Doesn't Know" By Lustra
• Sami Salo's top played song came from Italian metal band Lacuna Coil "Fragile" he also had the entire soundtrack to the Nutcracker ballet as well.
• Brian Burke has a list of songs that are required listening for every new Maple Leafs player
  1. Enjoy the Silence by Depeche Mode
  2. Empty Spaces by Pink Floyd
  3. This Is Not The End by The Bravery
• Mike van Ryn's favorite song is apparently "Through Glass"
• Patrick Kane's top tune is by the Killers and it's called "Leave the Bourbon on the Shelf"
• Alex Burrows is a bit "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath
• And last but not least, "Money" by Pink Floyd is Dan Ellis's top played song.
  

If this gets really popular, expect a part 2 where I do this again with different players.

The Blogging Psychologist: Case Study #1: Chris Pronger

Well, as mentioned in an earlier post, DGS is a student of the art of psychology. Now with my nasty case of writer's block over the last few days, I've been trying to find something to write about, and it finally hit me, why not use my knowledge of psychology to develop profiles on NHL personalities. Depending on the success of this post, I might keep doing it, or this could be a one off. (Warning: DGS reserves to the right to just forget that this existed and write other stuff as well.)

You think Lauren was the only one
who wanted out of Edmonton?

With that being said, I've picked one of my hometown boys to be my first victim target patient person to study.
The lucky winner is: Flyers Defenseman Chris Pronger

Be mindful of the fact that I am evaluating Chris Pronger's actions on the ice/during interviews as basis for these observations, so I could totally be wrong about Chris Pronger the human being. (As for Lauren Pronger, that's another post for another time.)


Kleptomania: A lot of people think that Pronger's love of swiping pucks during the Finals may have been caused by kleptomaniac urges; but that's not all that kleptomania is. See if he was a suffering from this disorder he'd be stealing everything. Goalies water bottles, stick tape, Rick DiPietro's MRI results, Brian Gionta, and Kerry Fraser's hair.


Narcissistic Personality Disorder:  Chris loves attention. Narcissists love attention. Chris talks down to everyone (see Gibberish comments, anything involving Adam Burish during the Finals). Chris gets jealous of other people's success and retaliates by elbowing their skulls off. Chris considers himself to be the best in the world at what he does. Chris is awesome. Chris is the NHL's apex predator, coiled like a viper, ready to strike when the moment is right. Yeah, Chris Pronger is NPD alright.

I have that hardware, and
I love myself

With that, I have finished my ideas on Pronger. Coming up later, Sean Avery, Daniel Carcillo, Alex Burrows and Stephane Auger.

Please feel free to request any profiles as well.

Hockey versus Baseball

So my blogging idol, Down Goes Brown, has done comparisons between Soccer and Hockey, Football and Hockey and Basketball and Hockey, but I didn't see any baseball on his list. (God help me if I'm wrong.)

Well, we here at Down Goes Spezza have decided to come up with a comparison between hockey and baseball for the good of helping hockey fans everywhere understand it. The reason for this is most likely you'll be forced to watch the MLB playoffs in October instead of opening night because well, the NHL doesn't have a tv deal with a normal channel yet.



MLB: Players have been known to have great performances ruined by the horrible officiating of Jim Joyce.
NHL: Players have been known to have great performances ruined by the horrible officiating of Kerry Fraser, Stephane Auger, video goal judges in Pittsburgh, Gary Bettman and just about every other official in the game.


MLB: Players who violate rules are suspended according to strict guidelines such as 50 games for a positve PEDs test, and 10 games for using corked bats.
NHL: Players are suspended according to usage of a super secret flowchart. (At what point does Down Goes Brown decide to sue me?).

MLB: Players who do not perform well for their team can be sent down to a minor league organization known as Triple-A.
NHL: Players who do not perform well for their team can be sent down to a minor league organization known as the Calgary Flames.

MLB: Players have been known to embellish being hit by a pitch in order to get first base. (see Derek Jeter)
NHL: Players have been known to embellish being hit by high sticks or tripped in order to get a 2 minute Powerplay for their team. (see: Dan Carcillo, Max Lapierre, Sidney Crosby, Matt Bradley, Sean Avery).

MLB: Poor sportsmanship usually manifests itself in dirty slides and players throwing at each other.
NHL: Poor sportsmanship usually manifests itself in concussions after a Chris Pronger elbow to the skull.

MLB: Players with major weight issues have been known to throw perfect games.
NHL: Players with major weight issues have been known to become internet memes.


MLB: Players can sign insanely long contracts with NTCs that keep them in the same city for an entire career without fear of the contract being rejected due to the lack of a salary cap.
NHL: Players can sign insanely long contracts with NTCs that keep them in the same city for an entire career without fear of the contract being rejected due to the lack of enforcement of the salary cap. (DGB's urge to sure is rising...if he actually reads my blog).

MLB: Players can score from 2nd base, a distance of 180 feet, on a poorly hit ball by a stroke of luck known as a seeing-eye hit.
NHL: Players can score from a the defensive zone, a distance of 180 feet, on a poorly shot puck by shooting against Vesa Toskala. (If DGB hasn't decided to sue me yet, he sure will now)

MLB: Players have been known to have legal trouble due to steroid use and lying about it to the US Congress
NHL: Players have been known to have legal trouble due to dealing with shady Belorussian mobsters.

MLB: Players on bad teams such as the Florida Marlins also have to worry about horribly hot weather as well as hurricanes.
NHL: Players on bad teams such as the Edmonton Oilers still have to spend winters in chilly frozen ICY HELL Edmonton.

MLB: Players have been known to have shards of wood embedded in their chests from broken equipment
NHL: Players have been known to have their throats cut by equipment in perfect working order.

MLB: Big name players like Carl Pavano have been known to sign in New York and never play a game due to injury.
NHL: Big name players like Rick DiPietro have been known to be drafted by New York and never play a game due to injury.


MLB: Teams from Canada haven't won a championship since 1993
NHL: Same (Now, with lawsuits.)

NHL 2010-2011 Season Preview: Atlantic Division

I saved the best for last, the Atlantic Division. How are things gonna shape up here, DGS has the answers.

Pittsburgh Penguins

The Good: Max Talbot will be able to pick out every douche in the NHL and deliver a list of them to us.

The Bad: After Crosby and Malkin, the Penguins severely lack forward talent capable of scoring 120 points a season.

Secret Strategy for the New Season: Will be coddled by Gary Bettman's permanent man crush on Cindy Crosby

New York Islanders

The Good: Will have a guaranteed top 5 pick in the NHL draft due to playing 24 games against the Flyers, Penguins, Rangers and Devils all of which the Islanders will lose.

The Bad: Will run out of get well cards for Rick DiPietro by November.

Secret Strategy for the New Season: Hope the Democrats are able to push universal health care in the United States through in order to save on medical bills for DiPietro

New York Rangers

The Good: Will in fact win all 6 games against the Islanders due to the fact that they have Martin Biron.

The Bad: Will at some point sign Kyle Wellwood to a Redden-like contract.

Secret Strategy for the New Season: Hope to every divine being known the man that Gaborik can avoid Dan Carcillo.

New Jersey Devils

The Good:

Signed shot blocking specialist Anton Volchenkov to throw his body in the way of any jars of jelly that Lou decides to throw.

The Bad: Have fallen victim to the fact that apparently the CBA matters.

Secret Strategy for the New Season:

Will fatten Brodeur up to the point where he covers the entire net even if pad free.

Philadelphia Flyers

The Good: Filled the "Craptastic Defensemen" void left by the departure of Ryan Parent with Andrej "Big Mesz" Meszaros.

The Bad: Now have to face the defending Stanley Cup champions in 4 rematches as the Hawks now play in the Eastern Conference

Secret Strategy for the New Season: Have infinite hope in the idea that opposing shooters will never hit the net as they die laughing from realizing what the Flyers goaltending quality is.

NHL 2010-2011 Season Preview: General NHL Stuff

Hey everyone. Just so you know starting tomorrow (September 2) and going every other day through September 12, I will be posting the Official DGS 2010-2011 Season Previews, we will be doing one division a day. At the end of this all, I'll post a recap that has links to all 6 posts and lists all 30 teams on one page (That will go up September 13).

In order to whet your appetite for the upcoming posts of awesomeness, I have a list of generalized NHL predictions here for you to see.

• Kerry Fraser may be retired, but the NHL has hired a new referee who is legally blind in order to prove that the disabled can have successful careers.
• Gary Bettman is still stupid. (I call this, "playing it safe")
• Stephane Auger will screw with all of us by calling a game perfectly down the middle.
• Kyle Wellwood will eat his way onto a team.
• Antti Niemi will remain unemployed until he gives up his contract demand of "not having another NHL caliber goaltender on the roster" is met.
• Rick DiPietro will end up on LTIR. (Playing it safe again am I)
• Pierre McGuire will move to Massachusetts and marry his 'Monster' Zdeno Chara
• Once Edmonton has its first cold snap in December, Taylor Hall will demand a trade out of Edmonton
• Joe Thornton will lead the Sharks with clutch play during the regular season and post-season before finally giving out during the Finals and saying "What, you think I changed at all"
• The Phoenix Coyotes will find their way back to Winnipeg

Sunday Brunch: A Discussion of Hilariously Hypothetical Things Related to the NHL, part 2

Just like last week, we here at DGS would like to invite you to brunch with us. Last week we got a couple of nice chuckles, and now we're looking to do some more of that.

This one is real simple. Once again, loyal DGS-ers give me your thoughts on a 'what would happen if' scenario'

1. What would happen if...Rick DiPietro, Sami Salo and Marion Gaborik walk into a bar together, where the bartenders are Keith Ballard and Chris Pronger?

Stolen Posts: How the world beat DGS to ideas recently

Just a couple days ago, the blogging idol of DGS, Mr. Down Goes Brown, posted a comparison between NHL and NBA Free Agency and DGS was sad, because we had the same idea for a post in mind. DGB suggested that we pre-date the post and then accuse him of plagiarism but we decided against it. Instead, we decided to share our thoughts on the idea of tampering in NHL.

Thanks to @NonAmericanHero on Twitter for telling us that the CBA has no rules of tampering, so because of that DGS sent the DGS SuperSpies into the world to find out, what is tampering in the NHL. The results, they were odd, but enlightening to say the least.

Some NHL Examples of Tampering.

• Brian Burke of the Toronto Maple Leafs takes a trip to Sweden for a "vacation" only to end up accidentally recruiting the Sedins.
• Marian Hossa tampers with the Red Wings chances of repeating as Stanley Cup champions by signing with them after the 2008 season
• Flyers GMs since 1997 have tampered with the teams chances of winning a Stanley Cup by never signing a competent goaltender, (Remind me again why were paying Big Mesz $4 million and Nabby walked to the KHL?)
• Alexei Yashin tampered with the Islanders books by penciling his name on them until 2020
• Someone tampered with Rick DiPietro's health sending him for MRI's every year, (this just in...Rick has a minimum 5 MRIs per week clause in his contract)
• Chicago Blackhawks ownership tampered with the whole NHL by secretly moving the team to Atlanta after winning the 2010 Stanley Cup
• Kyle Wellwood tampered with the last scale he was on, making it say 181lbs as his weight.
• An unknown person or persons tampered with Ilya Kovalchuk's calendar causing him to not realize that in fact, he legally can sign an NHL contract.
• Rick Tocchet tampered with the Lightning's chances to win by hating on a guy named Vinny. (Thanks DTV)
• Someone tampers with Joe Thornton's mind every time the playoffs role around
• Keith Ballard likes to tamper with the skull of his team's goaltender
• Pierre McGuire will tamper with your belt and pants every time he interviews you.
• Every NHL player attempts to tamper with the Edmonton Oilers by demanding a trade out of Edmonton.
• Rangers GM Glen Sather tampered with Habs by convincing them to take on the Scott Gomez contract.
• Chris Pronger uses his elbows to tamper with opponent's skulls.
  

[Note: Eklund claims these ideas are all 100% DGS Originals (e4)]