Fan vs Fan

Sunday, September 12, 2010

NHL 2010-2011 Season Preview: Atlantic Division

I saved the best for last, the Atlantic Division. How are things gonna shape up here, DGS has the answers.

Pittsburgh Penguins
The Good: Max Talbot will be able to pick out every douche in the NHL and deliver a list of them to us.
The Bad: After Crosby and Malkin, the Penguins severely lack forward talent capable of scoring 120 points a season.
Secret Strategy for the New Season: Will be coddled by Gary Bettman's permanent man crush on Cindy Crosby

New York Islanders
The Good: Will have a guaranteed top 5 pick in the NHL draft due to playing 24 games against the Flyers, Penguins, Rangers and Devils all of which the Islanders will lose.
The Bad: Will run out of get well cards for Rick DiPietro by November.
Secret Strategy for the New Season: Hope the Democrats are able to push universal health care in the United States through in order to save on medical bills for DiPietro

New York Rangers
The Good: Will in fact win all 6 games against the Islanders due to the fact that they have Martin Biron.
The Bad: Will at some point sign Kyle Wellwood to a Redden-like contract.
Secret Strategy for the New Season: Hope to every divine being known the man that Gaborik can avoid Dan Carcillo.

New Jersey Devils
The Good:
Signed shot blocking specialist Anton Volchenkov to throw his body in the way of any jars of jelly that Lou decides to throw.
The Bad: Have fallen victim to the fact that apparently the CBA matters.
Secret Strategy for the New Season:
Will fatten Brodeur up to the point where he covers the entire net even if pad free.

Philadelphia Flyers
The Good: Filled the "Craptastic Defensemen" void left by the departure of Ryan Parent with Andrej "Big Mesz" Meszaros.
The Bad: Now have to face the defending Stanley Cup champions in 4 rematches as the Hawks now play in the Eastern Conference
Secret Strategy for the New Season: Have infinite hope in the idea that opposing shooters will never hit the net as they die laughing from realizing what the Flyers goaltending quality is.

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