Anaheim Ducks
The Good: Brought in resident NHL Expert Andy Sutton to handle difficult questions regarding elbows to the head which should help the Ducks deal with issues regarding the new blind side hits rule.
The Bad: Made the mistake of trading Chris Pronger back in 2009, preventing his elbows from being acquainted with Sutton's skull every single day.
Secret Strategy for the New Season: Will inject secret anti-aging cream into Teemu Selanne and convince him he's a rookie again, then hope for another 76 goals.
San Jose Sharks
The Good: Let go of playoff choker Evgeni Nabokov in favor of proven winner Antero Nittymaki.
The Bad: Just realized that Nittymaki is only ever guaranteed to beat the defending Stanley Cup champion Atlanta Thrashers.
Secret Strategy for the New Season: Will tell Nittymaki that every game is against the Thrashers.
Phoenix Coyotes
The Good: Found Lee Stempniak after an 18 month NHL absence.
The Bad: Seem to have forgotten to resign him.
Secret Strategy for the New Season: Will make the Colts and move to Winnipeg in the middle of the night some time.
Lo
s Angeles Kings
The Good: Finally developed a quality NHL starting goaltender.
The Bad: Forgot to call him from from the AHL, meaning Bernier is still riding a bus...
Secret Strategy for the New Season: Will have to hope and pray that Kerry Fraser is replaced by someone who gives them nightly Gretzky-esque calls.
Dallas Stars
The Good: Will no longer be distracted by Mike Modano telling stories of playing a game that ended with him having his name engraved on a giant silver trophy.
The Bad: In keeping with Eastern Conference traditions, will lose every game against the Sharks where the goaltending matchup is Niitymaki vs Lehtonen
Secret Strategy for the New Season: Allow Adam Burish's simple mind to be amused by simple things, like sitting in the press box or going to the AHL.
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