Flyers Dark Horse Choices For Captain

Well, a lot of people seem to think the Flyers will give the "C" will go to one of three players: Kimmo Timonen, Chris Pronger, or Danny Briere.

But the fact is, there are some deserving candidates for the "C" in Philadelphia and now, we're gonna go through the Pros/Cons of 5 other players on the Flyers roster.


The Candidate-Scott Hartnell
His strengths- He's known for being a drill sergeant which is always good for having a disciplined team.

His weaknesses- Does anyone actually think Hartnell is capable of running a skating drill?



The Candidate-Matt Carle
His strengths- He's known for being a solid defenseman especially during even strength play which where most of the game is played.
His weaknesses- Allegedly disappears when Chris Pronger isn't around.


The Candidate- Blair Betts
His strengths- His calm demeanor even in tough PK situations is great for mentoring young players.
His weaknesses- He is Blair Betts. No one really knows too much about his personality and one day as Captain would be probably involve more interviews than Betts has done in his entire NHL career up to this point.


The Candidate- Max Talbot
His strengths- Totally learned how to handle tough Wells Fargo Center crowds from playing on the Penguins
His weaknesses- He is probably still a douche.


The Candidate- Jaromir Jagr
His strengths- He's totally betting on being named Captain, and Jagr's gambling has never been a problem.
His weaknesses- Something he says about being a former "Capitals superstar forward" has many people confused.

NHL Baby Toys

I was talking to one of the 3 intelligent Caps fans on the planet, DCcheapSeats. She told me a story of how she took her niece to a Caps practice today and got her to say "hockey!" (and like most Caps fans, her niece pointed, said hockey and had absolutely no clue as to what she was talking about.)

Luckily, she'll be properly educated by the following list of NHL Baby Toys.




The Product- Baby's First Cooke
Why Your Child Needs It- Baby's first Cooke is a safe concussion inducing product that will teach your newborn how to properly throw elbows to the head behind the net and get away with it.
But Be Warned- No one will ever want to play with baby out of fear the Baby's First Cooke will try to kill it.


The Product- Tickle Me Pronger
Why Your Child Needs It- Tickle Me Pronger is a great way for your child to have fun. Depending how you tickle it Pronger will deliver different snarky retorts.
But Be Warned- It also has a tendency to elbow your child in the head, and recent models break easily and due to the "35+ Warranty" even if it breaks, you still are obligated to pay for it for the next 5 years if you give it back. However there is a loophole in the buyer's agreement, keeping it at home with the intent to fix it, will allow you to collect a reimbursement check equal to what you paid for it in order to guarantee you can buy another toy.




The Product- Uncle Paulie's Calculator
Why Your Child Needs It- Want your baby to learn math? Uncle Paulie's Calculator is a great tool for teaching your child basic mathematics.
But Be Warned- It's success rate is kind of terrible as Uncle Paulie was told "there would be no math"



The Product- The Hartnell Scooter
Why Your Child Needs It- The Hartnell Scooter is the perfect is the perfect little scooter for your young child to zip around the neighbor in.
But Be Warned- This scooter isn't very stable and tends to make your child fall over, a lot.


The Product- The Phila-Battery
Why Your Child Needs It- This battery is specially designed to be aerodynamic but light enough for your baby to throw. It will teach your child the lovely art of battery throwing in the Philly tradition.
But Be Warned-We're not saying you're a bad parent, but next time you tell your child something he/she doesn't like, we're not responsible for any blunt force trauma to your body if they turn it on you. We're also not responsible for damaged property or injuries incurred from damaged property when using this product



The Product- Luongo's First Goalie Pads for baby
Why Your Child Needs It- If you want your child to be a goalie, Luongo's First Goalie pads are designed specfiically for babies.
But Be Warned- Presents a huge choking hazard.


The Product- Easy Bake Emery
Why Your Child Needs It-Easy Bake Emery is the perfect way for your cranky child to relax, we're not quite sure what's in it, but it sure calms people down and makes them hungry.
But Be Warned- It's illegal in the USA.

The Product- Well-done Wellwood Oven

Why Your Child Needs It- Does your child seem to enjoy cooking? If so, the Well-Done Wellwood Oven is the perfect toy to teach your child how to cook. Why, just using the basic ingredients (sold separately) you can create snacks in under 20 minutes. 

But Be Warned- It's the leading cause of childhood obesity in the world due to the fact that it's not an oven, but a deep fryer.

The Product- Gillis Mystery Detective

Why Your Child Needs It-There's a conspiracy against the Canucks, help Mike Gillis solve it by playing this   video game and beating up such villains as Captain Serious and his evil sidekick girlfriend, Chelsea Dagger.

But Be Warned- The Murdersaurus is still an unbeatable enemy as for some reason, your party of HAMhuis, Bieksa and Raffi-Runner just refuse to fight it.

The Product- Hide and Seek with Chris Neil

Why Your Child Needs It-What child doesn't want to play hide and seek?

But Be Warned- It's impossible to find Chris Neil unless you're alone and defenseless. Seriously, I had Colton Orr with me the other day and Chris Neil was just impossible to find....

The Product- The Caps-Wagon

Why Your Child Needs It-This little red wagon is perfect for pulling your baby around the neighborhood. 

But Be Warned- It's made in Russia and breaks every April.

Consolation Prizes for Teams Eliminated in the First Round

So with Round 2 of the Stanley Cup playoffs having begun, many people wonder what the teams who were eliminated are up to. Well, guess what, we here at Down Goes Spezza know what's going on.

For instance some players/teams/coaches have big plans for the offseason. So, for your benefit, here are the big offseason plans of those eliminated in the first round.




Chris Durno: Now can find a way to end up on the Maple Leafs so Down Goes Brown’s Durno dreams can be complete.

Phoenix Coyotes: Are now free to decide where they should move to.

Ilya Kovalchuk: Has plenty of time to mull over the cost/benefit analysis of playing in the KHL

Martin Brodeur: Might actually have time to engage in an offseason conditioning plan, this is helped by the fact that Kyle Wellwood is still playing and therefore Brodeur doesn't have a bueffet buddy. Wait, that means Brodeur is alone in the all you can eat line...

Ottawa Senators: Have plenty of time to keep an eye out for coaches in need of a job for the invariable firing of Cory Clouston 3 weeks into next season, to help them, both John Stevens and Rick Tocchet are available. In related news, whichever guy doesn’t get hired can be the coach 10 weeks into next season when the Senators change coaches again.

Jose Theodore/Peter Budaj: Can be well rested for next year when one becomes the next Flyers starting goalie. By the way guys, the position is cursed, injuries happen.

Mike Green: Lots of time to possibly learn how to play defense, or if that fails, can fall back into acting career.

Alex Ovechkin: Can use the free time to continue to work on his tryout for the Washington Nationals

Alexander Semin: Maybe can actually do something so this way I can make fun of him

Brooks Laich: Can open up a successful tire changing business

Yann Danis: Wait a minute, I think he’s still glued to the bench, has someone told him the season’s over yet?

Washington Capitals Fans: Can hide the biggest weakness of themselves, the fact that they don’t actually know anything about hockey.