Fan vs Fan

Friday, July 15, 2011

Reasons Steven Stamkos Hasn't Signed Yet

"It's been a while Mr. Stamkos. Please sign soon." Hockey Fans Everywhere.

Anyway, the Stamkos saga is still ongoing. But luckily the DGS Super Spies know why Stamkos hasn't signed.

  1. Is holding out hope Glen Sather or Paul Holmgren will overpay him on an offer sheet.
  2. Is trying to trade Vinny.
  3. Wants to find a dramatic chipmunk
  4. Cannot sign a contract until someone finds Paul Ranger
  5. Told Gary Bettman he won't sign a contract until Tampa hosts Edmonton on NBC on a Sunday.
  6. Wants to play in the NHL, and doesn't get that southern teams are actually NHL teams.
  7. Thought the Bolts moved to Winnipeg instead of the thrashers
  8. Went across the state of Florida to save the shuttle program by one-timing astronauts into space.
  9. Thought the NHL lockout started a year early so he didn't think he needed a contract
  10. Stamkos can't get through the 1-3-1 to get to the contract to sign it
  11. Stamkos is too tall, he can't see the contract right in front of him being held by Marty St Louis
  12. Stamkos wants to get away from Crazy Rolie the Goalie who keeps telling him about "that time the Edmonton Oilers went to the Stanley Cup Finals"
  13. Can't decide whether he should fear Matt Cooke, Chris Pronger, Raffi Torres or Steve Downie most and therefore doesn't know who to join.
  14. Is trying to figure out where to play in order to get Mattias Ohlund and Victor Hedman to pass him the puck. (Thanks DTV)

There you have it.

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