Fan vs Fan

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Other things Chris Pronger has Stolen

At the end of Games 1, 2 and 4, Chris Pronger walked off with the game pucks from the ice. He supposedly tossed 2 of them in the garbage. What many people don't realize is that Chris Pronger actually has had a habit of stealing things for a long time. In fact, we here at Down Goes Spezza scored the list of items Chris Pronger has stolen, credit the primary assist to Don't Trade Vinny for this one.

  • Dustin Byfuglien: Pronger stole him from the Blackhawks bench before Game 1 of the Stanley Cup finals and sent him one way to an undisclosed location. The Hawks deny anything is missing, but an analysis of the player who wears Hawks #33 in the series shows that Byfuglien is nowhere to be found.
  • Marian Hossa's luck: Pronger stole this from Hossa in the summer of 2007 while on vacation with the cup, when asked why he did this, Pronger replied, "I didn't know there's a rule against that. Show me that in the rulebook."
  • Kyle Wellwood's Diet Planner: Pronger was bored one day during a trip to Toronto and noticed that Wellwood had left his diet planner out, Pronger decided as a prank to swipe it, and replace it with another Diet Planner that contained meal ideas such as, "Twinkies with melted butter sauce" and "Fried Chicken and Bacon"
  • Alexandre Daigle's Spotlight: During the 1993 NHL Entry Draft, Daigle was taken first, and Pronger second, Pronger was so angry that he stole the spotlight from Daigle by actually being a good NHL player.
  • Joe Thornton's ability to swallow: When playing in the Western Conference, Pronger stared angrily at Jumbo Joe for minutes on end, since then Thornton has routinely choked every postseason because he remembers Pronger's words.
  • Jonas Gustavsson's Heart: During a preseason game against the Maple Leafs, Pronger reached into the chest of Gustavsson and removed his heart in order to replace the one that Pronger lost when he was hit in the chest by a Boris Mironov slapshot, because of this, Gustavsson's heart has routinely exploded during the season. Lee Stempniak was supposedly the only person to see how Pronger did it, however, no witnesses can actually place Stempniak anywhere the Maple Leafs during the time of the crime. Oddly Stempniak turned up in Arizona in March 2010, but has been afraid to say what he saw.
  • Tomas Kopecky's Helmet Padding: See Don't Trade Vinny's caption to my previous post.
  • Ville Leino: Apparently Pronger was the secret behind Paul Holmgren's absolute steal of Leino from the Detroit Red Wings, Pronger called up Ken Holland and threatened to elbow every Red Wings player in the face and cross check Jimmy Howard into another dimension during the Wings April visit to Philly if Holland didn't agree to send Leino to Philly for Ole-Kristian Tollefsen.
  • Happiness in Boston: Pronger convinced the Flyers to spot the Bruins a 3-0 lead in the series just to screw with Boston, but then, in a realm of douchebaggery and thievery that set a new bar even for Pronger, he then convinced the Flyers to spot the Bruins a 3-0 first period lead in game 7 only to come back and destroy the Bruins dreams by winning 4-3.
  • Dean McCammond's brain: In order to protect his own brain from Chris Chelios, Pronger removed McCammond's brain and sent it to Chelios to appease him.
  • Joffrey Lupul's Security of a Steady Home: Pronger as a joke likes to keep Lupul on his toes by occasionally making Lupul move back west. Luckily for Lupul, the first move was the cruelest and Pronger sent him to Edmonton.
  • The hair clippers of Scott Hartnell's barber: Seriously, how else would Hartnell look like that?
  • Dan Carcillo's Dignity: Pronger told him that the 'Stache looks good.
  • Profits from the Construction Industry in Montreal: Pronger slowed down the need for construction in Montreal, Quebec by ending the Habs playoff run in 2010.
  • Armando Galaragga's Perfect Game: Pronger grew a beard, ran to Detroit to umpire a game between the Indians and the Tigers, then decided to steal perfection away from Galaragga by calling Jason Donald safe. Now we know why Pronger doesn't have a beard.


  1. sweet blog. pretty sure i saw the exact same jokes on dgb, but theyre definately way cooler when you recycle them.

  2. DGB gets the secondary assist, he uncovered Pronger's jerk side, but I uncovered Pronger's kleptomania. Anyway, DTV and also share a lot of material, so if you like what I got, check out

  3. note the total sarcasm in the above message