25% Through the Season with 25 Reasons Why Your Team Could Win It All

So, since we're a quarter of the way through the season, it's probably a good idea to let you know the 25 reasons why your team could make the playoffs. Like last time, I'm pretty sure we're only gonna be about 25% accurate, but oh well.

1. You have a player who scores with the stick in his pants instead of the stick in his hands.
   
2. Your team plays in the Central Division.
   
3. You have Swedish twins on your top line.
   
4. Last season, your team had both a lottery pick and a playoff appearance.
   
5. Your team acquired Gregory Campbell
   
6. The opposing GMs in your division are named: Sather, Snow and Crazy Lou.
   
7. Your GM is a Jedi.
   
8. Your starting lineup is so scary, goalies have literally fainted from the amount of talent on your top line.
   
9. Daniel Alfredsson has guaranteed your team will fall short of the playoffs.
   
10. The Florida Panthers have invited fans of your team to their home games.
    
11. You have a gold medal winning goalie from 2010 in net.
    
12. You are an NHL team that doesn't play home games in Alberta, Canada.
    
13. Gary Bettman has a man crush on your team's captain.
    
14. Your top line has a player whose BAC is higher than his jersey number.
    
15. Your team employs a goalie who stopped the 2 best offenses in the playoffs last year.
    
16. Your team's goalie is the new rookie goalie sensation. (warning: may not work next year.)
    
17. Your goalie will take your team to the playoffs because the alternative is paying for golfing lessons and he hates paying for anything.
    
18. Your team is so stacked at forward, they can afford to trade a #2 overall draft pick from a few seasons ago for 'future considerations' and actually gain depth.
    
19. Well, hey, Joe Thornton can't suck every year now, can he?
    
20. Your team has $19M player who can't take a penalty shot instead of a $100M player unable to take a penalty shot.
    
21. You're team wasn't mentioned on yesterday's list.
    
22. There are no Sutter's making decisions in your organization.
    
23. Your team failed to land Ilya Kovalchuk.
    
24. Your old former Vezina winning goalie got so fat, he now takes up the whole net to the point that nothing gets by him.
    
25. You don't play in Canada.

Goalie Romance

DGS was at the Flyers game against the Panthers yesterday. During the game, when Bobrovsky made a save, occasionally the words "Bob, Bob, Bob Bob Bob, Bob Bob" would play to the tune of Bad Romance by Lady GaGa. This caught my my eye, and it turns out, the Flyers actually have the full version of this song. Needless to say, I was really happy that the DGS SuperSpies were able to find me the full set of lyrics, because as we all know, "in Soviet Russia, song write YOU!!!!!!!". For your reading pleasure, here they are.


Edit: Here's the original song for those (JASON) who don't know it





Russian Romance (Parody of Lady GaGa's- Bad Romance)


Bob, Bob,
Bob Bob Bob
Bob Bob, baby
Bob Bob Bob
Bob, Bob, Bob
Bob, Bob
Sergei Bobrovsky

I want your slap shots, and your favourite dekes
I want your one timers, all aimed right at me
Right at my glove,
Glove, glove glove, gonna save some shots.

I want your wristers, deflected on net
I want my leather trapper to make you upset
I use my glove
Glove, glove, glove, gonna save some shots.

You know that I'll stop you
And you know that I want to
I want it bad, it's goalie romance

I watch your horror, as you cross the blue line
Cause you're a failure, since the save is mine
I used my glove
Glove glove glove, my lovely glove

You know that I'll stop you
You know that I need to
(Cause I'm a real good rookie)
I want it bad, it's goalie romance

I use my glove, and I use my speed
My quick reflexes are all that I need
I want my glove, a pad save is my only deed

Ohhh, caught in goalie romance
Ohhh, caught in goalie romance

Bob Bob Bob

Bob, Bob, Bob

Bob, Bob
Sergei Bobrovsky

Glove glove, pad save, faceoff

workin like it's Pronger's day off

Glove, glove, stick save, face off

Pronger's elbow took your head off

I used my glove, now you want some revenge
I used my glove, Pronger is not your friend

J'utilise mon bâton et j'arrête le coup
J'utilise mon bâton, Pronger's not your friend

No, he's not your friend

(It's the bitter end)
My team's winning again

We're winning again

I used my glove, now you want some revenge

Fans and me could live goalie romance

Fans gave my love, all that love is well earned

Fans and me have found goalie romance

Want goalie romance?

(Oh caught in goalie romance)

Want goalie romance?

Want goalie romance?

Bob Bob Bob

Bob, Bob, Bob

Bob, Bob
Sergei Bobrovsky

NHL 2010-2011 Season Previews: Southeast Division

Part 4 of the series is here. Today were looking at the southeast division. By the way, Max Talbot called and told me that I need to call Alex Ovechkin a douche. I don't know if I actually will, but hey, you never know.

Florida Panthers

The Good: Sports interest in Miami is now buzzing due to the acquisitions of LeBron James and Chris Bosh along with Wade's decision to stay.

The Bad: This has absolutely nothing to do with hockey.

Secret Strategy for the New Season: Goalies for the Panthers no longer have to worry about being decapitated by Keith Ballard.

Carolina Hurricanes

The Good: Are set up with plenty of early first round picks coming from their tank job that should continue for another 3-4 years.

The Bad: After losing Michael Leighton to the Flyers and not resigning Manny Legace, the 'Canes now only have 1 goalie with Stanley Cup experience in Cam Ward.

Secret Strategy for the New Season: Hope that other teams take pity on them and allow them to face 82 games of backup goaltenders.

Tampa Bay Lightning

The Good: New General Manager Steve Yzerman is a Jedi which will allow him to hopefully keep evil Sith Lord Darth Ellis in check. (Question Time: How many Twitter meltdowns does Ellis have during the season?)

The Bad: Will constantly be distracted by rumors of trading Vincent Lecavalier, Martin St. Louis, and Simon Gagne to the Canadiens for PK Subban and Carey Price as well as having to pay attention to what Dan Ellis says on Twitter.

Secret Strategy for the New Season: Will at some point, convince the Flyers to trade Jeff Carter for Paul Ranger.

Washington Capitals

The Good: Because of the tire-changing prowess of Brooks Laich, the Capitals will never be late to games due to flat tires.

The Bad: Like the US Congress, the team will be loaded with plenty of potential but will not actually get anything positive done when it matters.

Secret Strategy for the New Season: Hope the NHL teams fall victim to the idea that Mike Green is a defensemen when in fact he actually plays forward.

Atlanta Blackhawks...Thrashers

The Good: As of last check of the team's roster with players like Byfuglien, Kane and Ladd, they are the defending Stanley Cup Champions

The Bad: The team may suffer from an identity crisis as the Cup winning players will have a hard time adjusting to playing in the empty arenas of the Southeast Division.

Secret Strategy for the New Season: Will do everything they did last season when the team played in Chicago and hope that it works again.