Fan vs Fan

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

It Could Be Worse Folks...It Could Be a Lot Worse

The emails and tweets and Facebook messages I've been getting from Flyers fans you'd think Mr. Camping was right and the world had ended. Things could be worse folks, in fact, it could be like this....

The Flyers could have a history that involves 0 playoff wins and impending relocation to Winnipeg; apologies to the Atlanta Thrashers.

The Flyers could be named after a Disney movie; apologies to the Anaheim Ducks

The Flyers could be playing home games in Columbus, OH; apologies to the Blue Jackets and their one fan.

The Flyers could have imploded completely about half way through the season and missed the playoffs entirely, apologies to the Colorado Avalanche.

The Flyers could have acquired a goalie and at the cost of the defensive depth needed to fully utilize that goalie's skills. This is why the Hurricanes missed the playoffs

The Flyers could be run by Sutters, apologies to the Calgary Flames.

The Flyers could be known as the team that tries to use stanchions to decapitate players AND has a doctor on the ice at all times named Recchi; forget it, I'm not apologizing the Boston...

The Flyers could be stuck in Buffalo, apologies to the Buffalo Sabres that aren't named Miller, Gaustad, Myers or Kaleta and a wish that Steve Whyno gets transferred to Buffalo.

The Flyers could have the most annoying goal song ever and a backup goalie with a gambling problem, apologies to the Blackhawks. (If anyone can do better, I'll edit this one)

The Flyers could have massive ownership problems and be stuck in Texas, apologies to the Dallas Stars.

The Flyers could be forced to put a slimy, spineless, dirtball on the ice every game; thank GOD Detroit won't let Todd Bertuzzi go.

The Flyers could be the Edmonton Oilers.

The Flyers could be losing the one bright spot of their franchise and be left with nothing, apologies to the Florida Panthers, welcome to Tomas Vokoun, may I measure you for pads and a #29 Flyers sweater.

The Flyers could move west, and break their legs, and still be coached by Terry Murray and John Stevens, apologies to the LA Kings, please don't let Hextall beat me up.

The Flyers could have given a 7+ cap hit out to a player crippling their cap situation, apologies to Mikko Koivu and the Wild.

The Flyers could have riots after every single playoff game, pardon moi, Montreal.

The Flyers could have goaltending and D, but no scoring punch at all, ever, oh yeah, and they wouldn't know the meaning of the phrase "Conference Finals" apologies to Nashville.

The Flyers could be ducking jelly and have been coached by John MacLean for half a season, LOL DEVILS LOL!

Glen Sather could be taking over for Paul Holmgren tomorrow, Oh Rangers, please don't ever change.

Rick DiPietro could be a Flyer, with that 15yr contract. LOLanders.

The Ottawa Senators are a joke in and of themselves thanks to Jason Spezza's neutral zone drop passes to the other team and Chris Phillips being a total traffic pylon and Cory Clouston's odd coaching moves and Brian Murray's signings of players like Sergei Gonchar and Alex Kovalev and the fact that well, apologies to the 5 Senators fans on the planet who have to deal with that crap.

The Flyers could be the Phoenix Coyotes, where no one ever cares about them and everyone wants them in Hamilton, Ontario; apologies to Jim Balsillie for NOT being able to make this happen.

The Flyers could employ Matt Cooke and he might you know, take off a teammates head during practice, PenGOONs

The Flyers could choke every single postseason ever despite always finishing first in the conference, apologies to the San Jose Sharks.

The Flyers could lose a ton of money on silly ideas like giving season ticket holders their money back if the team misses the playoffs, apologies to the St. Louis Blues.

The Flyers could employ a midget and a bunch of hypocrites regarding spin-o-ramas, apologies to Simon Gagne, Dwayne Roloson and Sean Bergenheim only.

The Flyers could be owned by Harold Ballard and have John Ferguson Jr. as GM at the same time, apologies to the Toronto Maple Leafs, the only team with a Cup drought longer than the Flyers. 1967 happened BEFORE 1975.

The Flyers could be more concerned with getting spots on the 2012 Olympic diving teams rather than winning games all while being paranoid the world is out to get them, sound familiar Vancouver Canucks?

The Flyers could have faux-hawks and ride mopeds and do other douchey things like that; apologies to Washington Capitals fans who actually understand hockey, I know 3 of you.

See, it's not so it?

1 comment:

  1. This should be renamed "Apologies to 28.5 fan bases, but not 29 General Managers."