Fan vs Fan

Tuesday, November 30, 2010


Ok, maybe this post is a product of the fact that I (like many hockey fans) am a fan of the WWE. Maybe this post is a product of attending the 11/29 Raw in Philly last night. Maybe this post is a result of Greg Wyshynski's wrestling themed season previews. Maybe it's a combination of some or all of the above. But either way, if you've ever wondered; there are a lot of parallels between the NHL and WWE. Come to think of it, some NHL personalities would fit perfectly with a WWE counterpart. Let's have a look.

WWE: The Rock
NHL: Chris Pronger

Both have outstanding interview skills and have won many awards/titles for their exploits on the playing surface. Also, both are known for finishing off opponents with a devastating elbow.

WWE: Million Dollar Man
NHL: Dan Ellis

Both love money. Both are willing to use their money to get what they want. Neither one has ever won or will ever win a world championship.

WWE: Mr. McMahon
NHL: Gary Bettman

One is an evil commissioner hellbent on making live miserable for fan favorite Stone Colt Steve Austin for being a rebellious anti-hero. The other is just flat out evil.

WWE: Rikishi
NHL: Dustin Byfuglien

Both are really big dudes who are known for using their backsides to obscure the vision of opponents. (Yes I know Buff plays D now...)

WWE: The Miz
NHL: Sidney Crosby

Both are talented to an extent, and both are shoved down our throats mercilessly. Also, both of them have faces that make me want to punch them. Both were handed titles by the powers that be even though they may not have deserved them.

WWE: The Undertaker
NHL: Mark Recchi

Both are old legends who can still go at it. Both are highly respected and each has a mystical aura about them. Recchi for still being able to bring it, and 'Taker for just being awe inspiring.

WWE: Ric Flair
NHL: Chris Chelios

Both are old, still going, and it doesn't make sense how they're still around. I'm pretty sure they're about the same age too.

WWE: Sheamus
NHL: Sergei Bobrovsky

Rookie sensations who were tossed right into the fire soon after their debuts. Bobs had a preseason featuring 2 games against mostly developmental talent and the Toronto Maple Leafs (Editor's Note: developmental talent and Toronto Maple Leafs is redundant). Both then soon would defeat someone considered to be the best..with Bob beating the Penguins on opening night and Sheamus knocking out HHH for an inhuman amount of time.

WWE: The Godfather
NHL: Carey Price aka Smokey McFornicate

Both love women, both love smoking. Both have "hos" following them around.

WWE: Santino Marella
NHL: Paul "BizNasty" Bissonette

Neither one is really talented at their trade, but both are incredibly funny.

WWE: Wade Barrett and Nexus
NHL: Bobby Clarke and the Broad Street Bullies

These groups each debuted, and quickly led violent takeovers over the establishment. Barrett is the leader of Nexus and Clarke was Captain of the Bullies. These groups were known for just beating anyone down who stood in their way.

WWE: Kurt Angle
NHL: Jaromir Jagr

Two incredibly talented athletes, both are Olympic gold medalists and both have won the highest championships in their sport. Also, both then ditched the most well known league in their sport for another less competitive league.

This means...


WWE has TNA, a place for old, over the hill veterans and those who just can't go anymore to still get a good paycheck. The NHL has the KHL for the same reasons.

WWE: John Cena
NHL: Paul Ranger

John Cena is known for coming out and telling people, "You can't see me" and we literally can't see Paul Ranger as no one knows where the f he is these days.

WWE: Matt and Jeff Hardy
NHL: Kyle and Eric Wellwood

Two sets of brothers. The older brother has a weight issue while the younger has immense amounts of talent. The only question, will Eric Wellwood develop the same drug problem

WWE: Edge
NHL: Marion Hossa

The Ultimate Opportunists, these guys both want championships and are willing to sell themselves in order for chances to get them.

WWE: Rey Mysterio
NHL: Martin St. Louis

Both are vertically challenged dudes who led underdogs to the title wins.

WWE: Bella Twins
NHL: Sedin Twins

Twins who could pull switches and no one would ever notice. (Editor's note: DGS has an easier time telling the Bella Twins apart)

WWE: Big Show
NHL: Zdeno Chara

Each one is the largest dude in his sport.

WWE: Chris Jericho
NHL: Claude Giroux

The man of 1004 holds meets the man of 1004 dekes. Enough said.

This is the first NHL meets Wrestling posts, Kevin from In Lou We Trust and I are going to be working out another one that should go up sometime next month

Monday, November 29, 2010

How This All Happened: Return of the Homer

Now, just about anyone who knows anything about hockey some people (Editor's Note- including us) seem to think that Andrej Meszaros was gonna be a huge bust when he came to Philadelphia. A certain Bolts Blogger was rejoicing like he just got N64 on Christmas. This guy was a traffic pylon who never did anything right in Tampa. Now, he's in the top 10 in the NHL in +/- and anchoring the shut-down D-pair of the Flyers with Sean O'Donnell. We're all wondering how this happened.

Well, guess what, the DGS SuperSpies caught the first conversation between Big Mesz and GM Paul Holmgren after Holmgren arrived in Philly. We're sharing it with you now.

A picture of the first meeting, unlike the movie
this time the subject is turned.

[Meszaros surrenders himself to Darth Holmgren.]

Holmgren: The Pronger has been expecting you.

Meszaros: I know...GM.

Holmgren: So, you have accepted the truth?

Meszaros: I've accepted the truth that you were once Paul Holmgren, an NHL coach.

Holmgren: That job no longer has any meaning for me!

Meszaros: It is the name of your true self. You've only forgotten. I know there is good in you. The Pronger
hasn't driven it from you fully. [steps off to the side of the passageway, away from Holmgren] That was why you couldn't destroy me. That's why you won't bring me to Chris Pronger now.

Holmgren: [inspects Meszaros's hockey stick] I see you have constructed a new hockey stick. Your skills are complete. Indeed you are powerful, as the Pronger has foreseen. [bags the hockey stick again]

Meszaros: Come with me!

Holmgren: Tocchet once thought as you do. You don't know the power of the elbow! I must obey my master.

Meszaros: I will not turn. And you'll be forced to trade me.

Holmgren: If that is your destiny.

Meszaros: Search your feelings, GM. You can't do this. I feel the conflict within you! Let go of your hate!

Holmgren: It is... too late for me, son. The Pronger will show you the true nature of the Force. He is your master now.

Meszaros: [resigned] Then my laziness is truly dead.

At this point, Chris Pronger jumped out of the corridor and elbowed the suck out of Meszaros. The world went on to be a better place as the Flyers hit the 25 game mark with Meszaros and O'Donnell being the top 2 guys on the team in +/-.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Things People Involved in the NHL are Thankful For

Happy Thanksgiving to my loyal American DGS readers. Speaking of it being Thanksgiving, it's the time of the year to be thankful, for something like hockey and the Flyers being in first place. Because of this, we sent out some texts to some NHL players to ask them what they're thankful for. The responses we got were rather enlightening.

Kyle Wellwood: "Butter, stuffing, French fries and trans-fats."

PK Subban: "Mike Richards didn't kill me, that's the nicest thing someone's done for me since my car got burned during a riot last spring"

Sheldon Souray: "I get to play in Hershey instead of Edmonton; mission accomplished"

Sidney Crosby: "No matter how much I dive, Bettman still loves me"

Patrick Kane: "Thbt Suttere kidd who pnchrd cabbie driverz"
(I wasn't sure what he was ok so I texted him back to ask 'Dude are you ok?')
Kane's response: "Yes, jus haad somme tequila"

Dammit Kane, stay sober for like...a day..seriously

Dan Ellis: "My money"

David Booth: "Mike Richards didn't kill me, I owe him one."

Peter Chiarelli: "Making the playoffs and getting a lottery pick 2 years in a row"

Colin Campbell: (Editor's Note: Colie didn't respond, apparently he doesn't know to use a Blackberry)

Brian Burke: "No one pretends to be me on Twitter anymore."

Glen Sather: "The Rangers ownership, for keeping me employed"

Derek Boogaard: "My goal scoring abilities"

Ilya Kovachuk: "Being able to play in NHL for 9 more years even tho Bett-man think I play 15 more"

Crazy Lou: "Jelly"

Joe Thornton: "The Heimlich maneuver, saving my life every year after I seem to choke every May"

Antti Niemi: "Leighton not closing 5 hole, made me cup winning goalie"

Sean Avery: "The ability to give others my sloppy seconds"

Henrik Sedin: "Daniel Sedin"

Daniel Sedin: "Henrik Sedin"

Coach Sutter: "Having a brother as GM so i dont get fired"

Brad Richards: "Knowing that I have at most, 7 months and 6 days in Dallas"

Andrew Raycroft: "A job in the AHL for the Texas Stars that keeps me from playing in Russia"
My response: "Uh Andrew, you play for the NHL's Dallas Stars"
Andrew Raycroft: "LOL there is NO way this is an 'NHL' team, it's defence is like ECHL quality"

Brian Gionta: "No one's burned my house down even tho I'm an American who's captain of the Habs"

Scott Gomez: "the lack of a height requirement to play in the NHL"

Jason Spezza: "Not having been destroyed by Patrick Sharp since 2004"

Gary Bettman: "Being a league that's so unnoticed, no one did anything about Colin Campbell...those MLB guys always dragged in front of Congress; that sucks for them"

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Things The Flyers Are Thankful for this Thanksgiving

Have you ever wondered what the Flyers are thankful for this year? Guess what, the DGS superspies were able to find out.

Sergei Bobrovsky: "No English"

James van Riemsdyk: "That Nik Zherdev takes up Lavi's doghouse so no one notices that I suck"

Scott Hartnell: "My awesome wife Lisa"

Chris Pronger: "My Elbows"

Jeff Carter: "Lisa Hartnell"

Brian Boucher: "The fact that fans still say my name even I suck"

Jody Shelley: "Paul Holmgren's way of thinking, he gave me one hell of a contract"

Andrej Meszaros: "I was thankful for getting out of Tampa, til I realized Rick Tocchet came to Philly too"

Claude Giroux: "The ability to score on the ice with my stick, ;-)"

Peter Laviollette: "Timeouts"

Paul Holmgren: "Glen Sather's continued employment- it makes me look good"

Michael Leighton: "Getting to spend time in upstate NY"

Sunday, November 21, 2010

25% Through the Season with 25 Reasons Why Your Team Could Win It All

So, since we're a quarter of the way through the season, it's probably a good idea to let you know the 25 reasons why your team could make the playoffs. Like last time, I'm pretty sure we're only gonna be about 25% accurate, but oh well.

  1. You have a player who scores with the stick in his pants instead of the stick in his hands.
  2. Your team plays in the Central Division.
  3. You have Swedish twins on your top line.
  4. Last season, your team had both a lottery pick and a playoff appearance.
  5. Your team acquired Gregory Campbell
  6. The opposing GMs in your division are named: Sather, Snow and Crazy Lou.
  7. Your GM is a Jedi.
  8. Your starting lineup is so scary, goalies have literally fainted from the amount of talent on your top line.
  9. Daniel Alfredsson has guaranteed your team will fall short of the playoffs.
  10. The Florida Panthers have invited fans of your team to their home games.
  11. You have a gold medal winning goalie from 2010 in net.
  12. You are an NHL team that doesn't play home games in Alberta, Canada.
  13. Gary Bettman has a man crush on your team's captain.
  14. Your top line has a player whose BAC is higher than his jersey number.
  15. Your team employs a goalie who stopped the 2 best offenses in the playoffs last year.
  16. Your team's goalie is the new rookie goalie sensation. (warning: may not work next year.)
  17. Your goalie will take your team to the playoffs because the alternative is paying for golfing lessons and he hates paying for anything.
  18. Your team is so stacked at forward, they can afford to trade a #2 overall draft pick from a few seasons ago for 'future considerations' and actually gain depth.
  19. Well, hey, Joe Thornton can't suck every year now, can he?
  20. Your team has $19M player who can't take a penalty shot instead of a $100M player unable to take a penalty shot.
  21. You're team wasn't mentioned on yesterday's list.
  22. There are no Sutter's making decisions in your organization.
  23. Your team failed to land Ilya Kovalchuk.
  24. Your old former Vezina winning goalie got so fat, he now takes up the whole net to the point that nothing gets by him.
  25. You don't play in Canada.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

25% Through the Season with 25 Reasons Why Your Team Won't Make The Playoffs

So the idea of this post is really simple. I have 25 statements prepared and if they fit your team, then there's a good chance your team is going to miss the playoffs this season.

(Accuracy of statements is only 25% or roughly, the save percentage of all goalies in the Nov 18 game between the Flyers and the Lightning)

  1. Your teams biggest news splash was the fall out of revoking press creds

  2. Your team's opening night goalie just hurt his arm lifting pie to his mouth

  3. This team's home games are played in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.

  4. Garth Snow is your team's GM.

  5. You paid $100M for a guy who can't take a penalty shot

  6. Your goalie's already a drunk, and the rest of the team is on the way to following him.

  7. Your team traded Gregory Campbell to another team.

  8. Your team has a Sutter involved in the organization.

  9. Your team just signed a player to a contract extension with the logic of "Numbers Don't Matter"

  10. The other fans of your team will prevent your team from making the playoffs just to avoid paying the other half of their season ticket deposits.

  11. You lack a first round pick in next year's draft.

  12. Your goalie puts pucks into his own net.

  13. Your 2nd year goalie said he wants to be just like Steve Mason.

  14. Someone told your star center that the playoffs start in February rather than April causing him to do his choke in a big game routine 2 months early.

  15. Down Goes Spezza picked your team to win the Atlantic Division. (We picked the NJ Devils)

  16. Your season highlight involved a player on your team getting knocked out by a Simpsons character...err..Swedish meatball.

  17. There's a distinct chance that a player on your team was telling Sean Avery "we suck like this" and not "you suck like this".

  18. Your teams best power play point shot is in the AHL right now.

  19. Your GM has obvious brain damage from hitting himself in the head with a jar of jelly.

  20. Your GM decided that he wanted to make Wade Redden's contract look like a decent one.

  21. Your GM offered a first round pick to the Rangers for Derek Boogaard in order to increase offensive production

  22. Your GM announced that he's building a contender with the "Penguins Method" starting this year.

  23. Your team is trying to lose more games in a row than the Detroit Lions.

  24. Hell, that same team wants to do the opposite of the Flyers's record setting 25-0-10 run.

  25. Your team's marketing strategy is all about getting fans of VISITING teams to visit.

Soon, the 25 reasons you're team will make the playoffs.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Ellis, Smith, Boucher and Bob's excuses for not showing up to last night's game

So last night the Flyers played the Bolts in a nice football game and because the Bolts went for 2, they won 8-7. Luckily after the game, the DGS-SuperSpies were able to hear all the excuses given by all 4 goaltenders for why they weren't at last night's game. Some were rather eye opening to say the least.

Sergei Bobrovsky:

  • Was unprepared for the game due to the fact that he's been listening to a certain song over and over again.
  • After losing 3-0 to the Habs a couple nights earlier, Bobs was letting pucks in because he was told by Jeff Reese, "as a stud rookie goalie, you basically want to be the opposite of Carey Price"
  • Due to errors in translation, when told to model his game after a well known goalie wearing #35, he decided to imitate Vesa Toskala rather than someone who could actually be an effective goalie.
Dan Ellis
  • Make your own "Dan Ellis Problems" joke here.
  • Thought that since he loses 18% of salary to ESCROW, he only needs to stop 18% of pucks.
  • Because, well, since he only makes $1.5M by his own claims, he's not as good as goalies like Michael Leighton, Sergei Bobrovsky or any other goalie who makes more than he does.
Brian Boucher
  • Thought he was stopping pucks because "boo!" sounds "BOOSH!"
  • Since he hadn't played in forever, he just assumed that he was going in net for another practice and because of that failed the realize that this one counted.
  • Because well, seriously people, when was Brian Boucher ever good.
Mike Smith
  • Was too busy trying to figure out why he was getting the fail whale on Twitter.
  • All the red lights he saw before entering the game caused him to go blind from the bench.
  • Hey, he won the game, didn't he?

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

The Sutter Trade Transcript

Per Jeff Marek on Twitter earlier: CAL trades White and Sutter to CAR for Babchuk and Kostopolous.

Now, when the entire Sutter clan seems to run the Calgary Flames, one can only assume that the conversation between the Sutters to inform Drunk Sutter that he had been traded. So, the DGS Super Spies tracked down what happened and caught it on tape.

GM Sutter: Hey, look, you just got arrested for Patrick Kane-ing someone. I need to do something.

Drunk Sutter: But dad! and Uncle! I drink because you guys are running this team into the ice. We're falling faster than Sidney Crosby after someone breathes on him. This team has fallen harder than any victim of the Pronger elbow, it's more punishment to keep me here.

Coach Sutter: See, that's the thing, we all know it's worse to keep you here. Now, we've decided in the interest of fairness to do something kind of nice.

GM Sutter: We're NOT trading you to Edmonton. Be thankful we could have done that.

Drunk Sutter: So, where am I going?

Coach Sutter: Hurricanes.

GM Sutter: Yeah, see, this is good for us.

Coach Sutter: By sending you to Carolina, you can meet up with your cousin.

GM Sutter: See the idea being, we Sutters will begin massing power on both the SE and NW. Doing this we will SLOWLY begin to take over the NHL, and the world.

Coach Sutter: *EVIL LAUGH* you have done well, brother. Soon we shall rule the world! One family above all.

Drunk Sutter: So I'm gonna go pack my bags...see you later Dad...and uncle...(under his breath) they're the f*ck--g reason I drink...

Drunk Sutter then texted Hurricanes Sutter: "DUDE U were So RIGHT!!! Going Pat Kane on that cabbie got me traded, finally I'm outta that shithole called Calgary"

The reply: "Thank god, our dads are delusional aren't they, hope we dont turn in2 them when we get older"

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Goalie Romance

DGS was at the Flyers game against the Panthers yesterday. During the game, when Bobrovsky made a save, occasionally the words "Bob, Bob, Bob Bob Bob, Bob Bob" would play to the tune of Bad Romance by Lady GaGa. This caught my my eye, and it turns out, the Flyers actually have the full version of this song. Needless to say, I was really happy that the DGS SuperSpies were able to find me the full set of lyrics, because as we all know, "in Soviet Russia, song write YOU!!!!!!!". For your reading pleasure, here they are.

Edit: Here's the original song for those (JASON) who don't know it

Russian Romance (Parody of Lady GaGa's- Bad Romance)

Bob, Bob,
Bob Bob Bob
Bob Bob, baby
Bob Bob Bob
Bob, Bob, Bob
Bob, Bob
Sergei Bobrovsky

I want your slap shots, and your favourite dekes
I want your one timers, all aimed right at me
Right at my glove,
Glove, glove glove, gonna save some shots.

I want your wristers, deflected on net
I want my leather trapper to make you upset
I use my glove
Glove, glove, glove, gonna save some shots.

You know that I'll stop you
And you know that I want to
I want it bad, it's goalie romance

I watch your horror, as you cross the blue line
Cause you're a failure, since the save is mine
I used my glove
Glove glove glove, my lovely glove

You know that I'll stop you
You know that I need to
(Cause I'm a real good rookie)
I want it bad, it's goalie romance

I use my glove, and I use my speed
My quick reflexes are all that I need
I want my glove, a pad save is my only deed

Ohhh, caught in goalie romance
Ohhh, caught in goalie romance

Bob Bob Bob
Bob, Bob, Bob
Bob, Bob
Sergei Bobrovsky

Glove glove, pad save, faceoff
workin like it's Pronger's day off
Glove, glove, stick save, face off
Pronger's elbow took your head off

I used my glove, now you want some revenge
I used my glove, Pronger is not your friend
J'utilise mon bâton et j'arrête le coup
J'utilise mon bâton, Pronger's not your friend

No, he's not your friend
(It's the bitter end)
My team's winning again

We're winning again

I used my glove, now you want some revenge
Fans and me could live goalie romance
Fans gave my love, all that love is well earned
Fans and me have found goalie romance

Want goalie romance?
(Oh caught in goalie romance)
Want goalie romance?
Want goalie romance?

Bob Bob Bob
Bob, Bob, Bob
Bob, Bob
Sergei Bobrovsky

Saturday, November 13, 2010

The Blogging Psychologist: Case Study #3: Sidney Crosby

Sometimes we, the friends, who write Down Goes Spezza are accused of only being self-promoting, self-centered writers who are only in it for ourselves (come to think of it, we're attention whores). This isn't true, we're performing a very important important public service. We are diagnosing psychological issues in the NHL and giving them hope to recover from their issues.

1: How many more Dives
I will take, just one more
dive and I will never
dive again

Today's patient is someone we see a lot of during NHL broadcasts. This guy has won a few awards and some giant trophy that has his name engraved on it. His name is Sidney Crosby. Sid the Kid seems to always end up on my television, and believe me, I hate that.

Now I am not here to write about how Gary Bettman has a huge man crush on Sidney. I really cannot judge people for man crushes as we all know that I have a huge man crush on Chris Pronger (and this goes back to his days with St. Louis, so yeah, I've always loved those amazing elbows). (Jaye from PKLC and Jason from DWYDN are probably thinking 'oh god, here he goes again')

Anyway, onto looking at possible problems with the psychological state of Mr. (or Ms) Crosby we see quite a few possibly things that could be wrong. I've come up with several possible diagnoses and I happen to be prepared to present my findings.

Now, I'm looking at a category of psychological illnesses called the Somatoform Disorders. What are they, well I'm looking at two diseases known to most people as Münchhausen's Syndrome and Conversion Disorder. Also, on the list of things to look at is Histrionic Personality Disorder.

Now, many Philadelphia fans have questioned Sidney Crosby's gender identification and sexual orientation. I am NOT here to talk about that as they are not any kind of psychological disorder. If Sidney wants to live as a woman, that's his choice and there are plenty specialists who can help him with those issues.
(Editor's Note: Both Matt and Amy of DGS are huge supporters of LGBT rights and same-sex marriage in the USA)

Münchhausen's Syndrome: This condition is characterized by frequent usage of faking injuries and illnesses in order to gain the attention of others. Sidney's embellishment and love of diving is definitely falls under faking injuries. However, there seems to be one problem, someone with this condition would frequently miss time in order to get these injuries treated. Since he doesn't seem to always be running to the training staff and because Crosby has a habit of popping right up after a hook or a trip is called so, he doesn't seem to have this condition.

Conversion Disorder: Conversion Disorder is a psychiatric condition that shows itself by the patient feeling intense amounts of pain when a mild stimulus is presented. This would explain why Crosby dives and cries every time someone looks at him the wrong way. This disorder is not physical in nature, rather, the reason the for the excessive pain is usually emotional in nature. This emotional pain comes from a lack of self-esteem.

Pretty sure there's some legit reasons to feel sad their. Sid wants to be loved, and appreciated, but he's in the wrong sport.

This just in, the DGS SuperSpies apparently were in a church sitting next to Crosby as he prayed, and apparently it went something like this:

"Dear God, My name's Sidney, and I've won a Stanley Cup but these people seem to think that I absolutely suck."

At this point, there was a white light, and the heavens opened up and gold himself was standing before Crosby, and he replied, "Well, Cindy"
Crosby went, "But my names Sidney"

Histrionic Personality Disorder: This one also seems like Sid. It's characterized by sexually provocative behavior, (his reciprocation of Bettman's man crush, love of himself and Malkin, and this.) Exaggeration of emotional states (all the whining) and physical responses (all the diving). Come to think of it, Sidney Crosby is the textbook definition of this condition. One more thing, fun fact of HPD: almost 90% of people who have it are of the female gender. Interpret that as you wish.
(Editor's Note: We're not saying Crosby is a woman, we're just reporting a fact about the condition we were discussing, it's up to you to do what you want with that.)

I think it's safe to say, no matter what he has, I think that Crosby Sucks.

(Editor's Note: Sucks is defined as, being someone we have absolutely no respect for because the player in question is a total d-bag. Crosby's on ice stats are, impressive but inflated due to the coddling of referees.)

Seriously though, the treatment is to get Crosby to overthrow Bettman and insert a commissioner who won't stand for the dives. Sound like a plan? Who's with me?

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

iPods of the NHL

Sometimes we here at DGS just run into things by accident. And these accidents cause us to send out the DGS SuperSpies on special investigations to find out the truth. In todays case, a DGS writer was chatting with a friend about music and we got curious, what do different NHL players listen to while on the road and all. Well guess what, we sent the DGS superspies all around the NHL and they grabbed a few iPods of NHL players and got a look at some of their "Top Played" songs. Needless to say, the results were shocking.

If this gets really popular, expect a part 2 where I do this again with different players.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Tuesday Morning Coffee Break: November 9

Holy god, it's been a hell of a long time since I did one of these. It's Tuesday, so drink coffee and enjoy some other hockey blogs.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Meet the DGS Staff

So, we here at DGS forgot to post this back in April when we first started. Something about beating the Devils in the playoffs made us forget to post who DGS is made up of. So, without further ado, the 3 current DGS minds want you to see who we sort of are.

Owner/Editor/Head Writer: Matt B.
Age: 22
Home: NJ
Favorite Current Flyer: Tie between Chris Pronger, he is god, and Kimmo Timonen, the little Defenseman that could...
Favorite All-Time Flyer: Eric Desjardins, just a class act and a good guy, also, I'm partial to Defenseman
Favorite Sport that isn't hockey: Baseball, go Yankees
Random Fact about Matt: The NY Yankees fan on staff, because of that, he hides from the rest of us by playing World of Warcraft.

Staff Writer/MS Paint Artist: Amy D.
Age: 22
Home: NH
Favorite Current Flyer: Darroll Powe, this guy plays with a huge heart.
Favorite All-Time Flyer: Bobby Clarke, the captain of the Bullies
Favorite Sport that isn't hockey: Gymnastics, mainly because I did it.
Random Fact about Amy: Amy loves making people laugh, she's also not single.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

The Truth About Washington Capitals Fans

(Editors Note: DGS actually wrote this post in April right before the Capitals got eliminated from the playoffs. Now, with the cycle starting again, we feel the need to inform the world about

Well, it seems that the NHL has a new fad, being a “fan” of the Washington Capitals. As a public service announcement to the rest of the NHL, we here at Down Goes Spezza feel compelled to let you know about the different types of Capitals “fans”, and what to do if you see one.

The College Kid
: He/She doesn’t actually like hockey, they just happen to go to a school in/near Washington D.C. and therefore have a habit of turning up at Caps games.

How to spot one: Look for a crowd drunk 18-24 year olds. They’re so smashed they can barely stand. Also, they tend to travel in packs screaming about their love of Alex Ovechkin.

What to do if you see one: Smile, laugh, then ask them to name a player on the Caps third line, when they find that impossible, mock them. [They’ll be too intoxicated to actually fight you, don’t worry]*

The “I Just Got Into Hockey” Fan
: These people just got into hockey; they assume the Caps have been good forever and that Alex Ovechkin can do anything.

How to Spot One: Wearing red, only red, and they have no idea the Caps had a different sweater prior to 2007. Come to think of it, they have no idea the Caps existed before 2007

What to do if you see one: Ask them about the Jagr years and then laugh hysterically when they can’t answer, give them a history lesson, watch them deny the past. Finally, feel disturbingly satisfied on the inside.

The Alex Ovechkin Groupie
: Both males and females can fall into this category. It’s actually kind of creepy.

How to Spot One: They wear everything Alex Ovechkin, Jersey, with an AO t-shirt under it, have an AO hat, and AO written on their socks, jeans and underwear.

What to do if you see one: Ask them a question about the Capitals goaltending and defensive situations, be amused by their inability to understand the concept.

The Bandwagoner
: The largest group of Caps fans right now. They magically appeared when the Caps won a President’s Trophy in 2009-2010.

How to Spot One: If you’re ever in their home, you’ll see the following sweaters in their closet: Joe Thornton, Mats Sundin (Canucks), and Chris Pronger (Blues).

What to do if you see one: Question them about the above mentioned sweaters. Allow their answers to make you laugh. Then ask to wear their Pronger jersey. After putting it on, elbow their skull in.

The Lifetime fan
: Someone who has followed the Caps since they entered the league in 1974 and is still with the team.

How to Spot One: It’s really hard right now to find one on the streets, but look for the guy wearing a Peter Bondra or Adam Oates jersey. If you’re in the Verizon Center, it’s actually rather easy, since they have the old Caps colors on.
What to do if you see one: Tell them you feel sorry for them because of the above mentioned groups.

The Loyal Lifetime Fan
: Someone who followed the Caps since they entered the league in 1974.

How to Spot One: Right now, in 2010, you won’t. They all committed suicide or ran for the hills because of the top 3 groups of fans.

What to do if you see one: Cover your brain to survive the zombie apocalypse while being thankful that neither Mark Recchi nor Chris Chelios play for the Caps.