Flyers Excuses For Tonight's Pitiful Effort

So the Flyers gave a pitiful effort tonight in a 2-1 loss to the Blue Jackets. Luckily, the DGS SuperSpies managed to get into the Flyers lockerroom and we heard all the excuses on why the Flyers sucked tonight.


Scott Hartnell: "I felt like I overskated the puck because of the lack of hair to slow me down."

Nik Zherdev: Was convinced that Mathieu Garon was a Russian mob boss even though Garon is 100% French Canadian. (Per his interpreter, a guy who might actually be in the Russian mob)

Sergei Bobrovsky: "Mr. Boss-Lavi put me on bench"

Jeff Carter: "The bleach in my hair sunk into my brain."

Chris Pronger: "I vowed to have one game where I didn't elbow someone's skull in, this was that game."

Claude Giroux: "Wait, there's an NHL team in Columbus, I thought the world was joking. Oh merde."

Andrej Meszaros: "Rick Tocchet thinks I'm awesome."

Michael Leighton: "I literally broke my back carrying this team to the Cup Finals last year, cut me some slack...seriously I'm LTIR right now"

Matt Carle: "I saw the Dallas Stars were playing well, so I decided to imitate their defensemen, sadly I imitated them from last year." (Jason better love this one)

(Warning: Bad Pun Alert)
Blair Betts: "Never got an effective warmup in because Rick Tocchet thinks I'm the team bookie"

Danny Briere: "I kept looking to pass the puck to Hartnell, but I could never find him on the ice."



And there you have it