Fan vs Fan

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Ilya Kovalchuk comes clean about why he got scratched.

So tonight, the world was shocked when Ilya Kovalchuk was scratched by the Devils for last night's game. Luckily the DGS-SuperSpies were able to get a hold of Ilya after the game and ask him what was going on. With that, we have Ilya's reasons for why he got scratched, straight from his mouth.

(Editor's note: We were gonna run another psych profile today, but DGS had to go hurt his knee during a pickup hockey game)

  • Needed time to be schooled in the idea of playing defensively on the ice
  • Has a little known "reverse Escrow clause" in his contract, he gets paid 100% of his contract but will miss 18% of games over the 15 years.
  • Needed to visit his shrink to talk about the depression of spending 15 years in NJ.
  • Just realized that he agreed to spend 15 years in NJ
  • Threw a hissy fit because Martin Brodeur ate his pregame meal
  • Told the coaching staff he wanted a "nap time" clause during games in the manner of Ondrej Pavelec
  • Had to fulfill his role as a Russian Spy.
  • Wanted to fly back to Russia to have his family from famine caused by Kyle Wellwood playing in the KHL.
  • Didn't see the need to dress as Buffalo lacks enforcers. (Stick tap to Kevin S. of In Lou We Trust)

1 comment:

  1. Perfect forgot one though---

    Clause in his contract- if Brodeur does not start-neither do I