Paul Holmgren's Excuses

The best goalie the team ever had...
and still could outplay the current
kids on the team.

As we know, another season has come and once again, the Flyers don't have a true #1 goalie. Now, Paul Holmgren actually DID acquire a #1 goalie after trading a 7th round draft pick to the San Jose Sharks for Evgeni Nabokov. Now, Nabby spurned the Flyers for the KHL. After this the Flyers were spurned again by Marty Turco. Now after this the Flyers passed on UFAs: Antti Niemi, Jose Theodore, Peter Budaj, Dan Ellis (and his problems), Chris Mason (thankfully not Steve Mason's slump), Martin Biron, Antero Niitymaki, (hey, Hextall came back for 2 rounds)   Vesa Toskala (sorry NHL goaltenders only), and trades for people like: Jaroslav Halak, Jon Bernier, Tim Thomas (yeah...bout that), Thomas Greiss, just about anyone else.




Anyway, the DGS SuperSpies managed to get a hold of Paul Holmgren and ask him what is going on. He offered us the following reasons for why the team hasn't signed a goalie yet.

• Still believes Ron Hextall will one day come back and save us all.
  
• Afraid that acquiring a goaltender would cause Chris Pronger to elbow his head off.
  
• Thought that players who wear funny pads were just defensemen in costume
  
• Said that Jeff Carter scared away every married goaltender because of his habit of sleeping with teammates wives.
  
• Because while playing the NHL video games "Be a GM Mode", he was able to win a Cup with Vesa Toskala and Andrew Raycroft as his goalies.
  
• After watching Martin Brodeur and Tim Thomas eat everything in sight, was afraid that the rest of the team would starve to death if a goalie was acquired.
  
• Is waiting for John Ferguson Jr. to become GM of the Boston Bruins so he can trade Brian Boucher for Tuukka Rask.
  
• Has the secret plan of trading Andrej Meszaros and Brian Boucher to the Rangers for Henrik Lundqvist or to Calgary for Mikka Kiprusoff (Sutter and Sather haven't decided who gets the honor of doing that stupid deal yet)
  
• Because hey, since the Vezina went to its current format in 1982, how many winners actually won a Cup?
  
• Chris Osgood has been on how many Cup winning teams?