The 2011 Flyers Drinking Game

Ok, I've done a totally non serious drinking post before. Playing that game might cause death by the 2nd period. This one, is allegedly safer.
 (Editor's Note: no way to tell, DGS is Straight Edge)

So here we go, get some alcohol together...we recommend

Captain n Coke, Vodka n Cran, Sam Adams Bahstan Lagah, champagne and jello shooters.

Ok, this requires 3 players

Pass one beer to everyone playing, as well as one captain n coke and vodka n cran.



Rules: to "win" be the last person with a drink left.

Each person chooses one of the following players

Andrej Meszaros, Scott Hartnell, and Jeff Carter

you drink when your players does the following:

Meszaros: blasts a slap shot wide

Hartnell: Drink on Hartnell DOWN!

Jeff Carter: Drink on "Carter shoots high and wide"

All players drink on the following:

Steve Coates says: "I'm looking over (player)'s shoulder."

Brian Boucher causes a "Boosh" chant

Mike Leighton gives up a 5 hole goal....

Sergei Bobrovsky gives you a heart attack after playing the puck



Good luck, have fun.

Flyers New Year's Resolutions

Well, the Flyers are out on the Pacific Coast for a little road swing leaving DGS all alone with nothing to do except snoop around in the snow. What I found, was well, interesting. It's a list of the Flyers New Year's Resolutions. In the interest of doing a public service, I'm sharing it with the world.


Jeff Carter: To not get caught up in rumors involving sleeping with the spouses of other players.

Chris Pronger: To only steal things that are actually worth stealing. Fuck that, Pronger's too awesome to resolve to do anything.

Daniel Carcillo: Will hopefully remove Crosby's stache

Darroll Powe: To hopefully prove he's more than just a name

Danny Briere: To live up to his nickname of the "Magical Spearing Midget".

The Spear may be breaking,
but it's legacy lives on.

Claude Giroux: To practice safe deking as fan-related pregnancies are sky-rocketing.

Matt Walker: To get off LTIR. (Hip Surgery free in 2011)

Mike Richards: Break up with Pierre McGuire.

Sergei Bobrovsky: Bob.

Nikolay Zherdev: To become the first 40 goal scorer, without tallying double digit assists.

Michael Leighton: Well, it was going to be close the 5-hole, but given the state of things, he'll just settle to use the 5-hole in a live action game with the Flyers.

Brian Boucher: To learn Russian in hopes that it adds to the "List of Reasons to Keep Boosh Over Leights."

Scott Hartnell: To fall down less. (Okay, who is he kidding - to grow his hair back.)

Ville Leino: To help Homer clear cap space to sign him. (Collateral Damage may include Michael Leighton getting hurt again)

Jody Shelley: To score goals - that's what he's here for, duh!

Yes that's Jody Shelley, no, there
was no Photoshopping here.

Andreas Nodl: To crack into double digits in goals. He's grateful for whatever he gets, because Noodle Power keeps Philly running.

Blair Betts: To win more face-offs. To get noticed by someone.

Ian Laperriere: To teach the Phantoms heart - he has enough for all of them anyway.

James van Riemsdyk: To not take naps when the Eagles are completing a miraculous comeback. 

Kimmo Timonen: To construct a helmet that looks like a Viking helment because it would look cool, because Kimmo's our little Viking warrior. 

Viking Kimmo: Now you know his dirty secret.

Braydon Coburn: It seems vain, but he's looking to have a beak reduction so he can see the goal better when he shoots. 

Matt Carle: To prove he can look good without Pronger by his side. Because well, ya know Pronger's elbows are just so ugly....

Andrej Meszaros: To continue playing the way he did in Ottawa, not the way he did in Tampa. 

Oskars Bartulis: To find subtle ways to keep defensemen out of the line up so he can play. 

Sean O'Donnell: People who look like John LeClair are exempt from making resolutions. 

Peter Laviolette: To find an effective gum holder so he can yell at referees. (We personally recommend using the gum to hold Matt Walker's hips together)

The Real Chuck Norris Facts

You know, there's a lot of facts about some Chuck Norris dude floating around the internet these days. I mean, there's a whole website dedicated them. But in the interest of doing a public service I feel the need to share with you the true Chuck Norris facts.

• Chuck Norris keeps a beard to protect himself from the destructive force of a Chris Pronger elbow.
  
• Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with 10,000 women in his life, Chuck Norris calls this a slow Tuesday and Chris Pronger calls this "the 2nd intermission".
  
• Chuck Norris can impregnate a woman by pointing at her and saying "boo yah", Claude Giroux can pregnate an entire arena of women by deking and Chris Pronger can impregnate men with this face.
  
• Chuck Norris uses the roundhouse kick as a tribute to the Pronger ankle stomp.
  
• Chris Pronger elbowed the doctor who slapped him after he was born.
  
• Scott Hartnell falls down out of fear of Chuck Norris. (Hartnell DOWN!)
  
• There is no 3rd fist under Chuck Norris's beard, rather there is a black hole left by the fact that Chris Pronger elbowed him in the face.
  
• The Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris checks his closet for Chris Pronger.
  
• Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris. Chris Pronger just elbows the dark out of his bedroom.
  
• There is no such thing as evolution, only species who haven't died from the elbows of Chris Pronger.
  
• Montreal riots after wins to hide the damage caused by Chris Pronger's elbows.
  
• The Capitals coughed up there 3 games to 1 lead against Montreal last season because none of the Capitals wanted to face Chris Pronger's elbows. (Editor's Note: Penguins, Devils and Bruins also rolled over against the Habs or Flyers for the same reason)
  
• Michael Leighton stopped sucking because he didn't have to face Pronger's elbows.
  
• Chris Pronger's elbows are registered as weapons of mass destruction.
  
• Chris Pronger's elbows making contact with your jaw actually impart intense feelings of pleasure onto the receiver, sadly, the ensuing orgasm causes the receiver's brain to explode rendering this person unable to feel anything ever again.
  
• Chris Pronger does NOT sleep, he merely closes his eyes and admires his elbows from within.
  
• Chris Pronger does NOT take penalties, the referee sometimes need to take Pronger off the ice to kep the heat of his elbows from melting the ice.
  
• Canada fought in World War II, the "atomic bombs" were actually Chris Pronger's left and right elbows unleashed on Japan.
  
• Chuck Norris named his legs "Law" and "Order", Chris Pronger does not name his elbows because any name would be an understatement of their awesomeness.
  
• The "phrase" break a leg came up in show biz because a broken leg was the least painful injury that someone could suffer if they forgot their line while working with Chris Pronger.
  
• Chris Pronger has no heart, only a third elbow.
  
• The laws of physics do NOT apply to Chris Pronger's elbows.
  
• Pompeii once said that Wade Redden was better than Chris Pronger...the next day Chris Pronger elbowed Mount Vesuvius.
  
• Chris Pronger didn't steal the pucks, the pucks wanted to be elbowed. 

So, feel free to add your own in the comments section.

The Newest DGS Writer HAS BEEN FOUND!

So we've found our newest writer. She's a feisty one, 


(Editor's Note: For all his lack of dates...DGS sure has many female friends)


her words remind me of Chris Pronger's elbows mixed with Daniel Carcillo's feistiness with the poking ability of a Danny Briere Spear. In short, she's awesome.

(Editor's Note- The above are 3 of the highest compliments you can get from DGS)






Head Procrastinator/Guest Blogger: PhillyGirl1437
Age: Like I'm telling you
Home: Philadelphia (in case you couldn't tell)
Favorite Current Flyer: Someone had to want Leighton...
Favorite All-Time Flyer: Eric Desjardins - it's Rico - got to love him.
Favorite Sport that isn't hockey: Baseball - Chase Utley, you are the man.
Random Fact about PhillyGirl1437: Haven't I shared enough?






Look for posts by her.

The Ballad of Scott Hartnell

The Ballad of Scott Hartnell
(Parody of “She’s Always a Woman to Me” by Billy Joel)

(Written by PhillyGirl1437) 

He could kill with his hair
He could smother with his beard
After the finals Yukon Cornelius disappeared

And he only reveals the scruff he wants you to see
He gave his hair to a child,
But he's always a Fraggle to me

He can drive you to drink
Comfort if your wife were to leave you

You can ask for a goal
But he'll often mislead you
But he'll give all he’s got, as long as you’ll see

That he skates like a drunk                   
But he’s always a Fraggle to me

Oh—he takes spills on the ice
On command if he wants
He's just that kind of guy
Oh—the brakes are always out
But he never gives in
He just multitasks from his ass

And he'll promise you more
Than the bonehead penalties
Then he'll carelessly bite you
And laugh while you're bleedin'
But he'll bring out the best
That Ville and Danny can be

Blame it all on yourself
Cause he’s always a Fraggle to me

Oh—he takes spills on the ice
On command if he wants
He's just that kind of guy
Oh—the brakes are always out
But he never gives in
He just multitasks from his ass

He is frequently good
And he's suddenly bad
He can do as he pleases
He's everybody’s fool
But he can't be sent packing
He's earned his no-trade
And the most he will do
Is throw punches at you
But he’s always a Fraggle to me

Caption Contest 11

From a friend....you know what to do

In a picture, what happened to the Flyers during the game.

The 12 Days of Christmas (49 Mix)

Much thanks to @PhillyGirl1437 for emailing me this beauty of a song. It was so good that I had to share it with all of you.



On the twelfth day of Christmas, 
my true love gave to me 
Twelve rebounds flying, 
Eleven playoff decisions, 
Ten gloves a-grabbing, 
Nine years of league-bouncing, 
Eight weeks a-healing, 
Seven fists a-punching, 
Six round Hawks a-drafting
Five waiver wire trips 
Four Phantoms games
Three Shutout Habs
Two years $3.1 million
And a Pat Kane shot between my knees

Caption Contest 10

Caption Contest 10: write better than what I got and win a prize*.


(*-Prize TBD DGS Staff at a later date.)

Ville's Jealous, but why?

The Many Faces of Chris Pronger

Today it was announced that Chris Pronger is going to miss 4-6 weeks with a foot/toe injury. As many of you probably know, I was driven to a nearly irrational amount of sadness because of it. I mean, my idol, lord, and master Chris Pronger is going to be missing. If you're like me, a total follower of the almighty Pronger, then you probably need a fix of Chris Pronger in your life to be sure that you make it through these next few weeks without doing anything stupid.

(Editor's Note: Amy absolves herself from this, it's just wow, I can't think of anything clever, but I think DGS has gone nuts, for real this time.)


So, here's a look at the many faces of Chris Pronger.

(Editor's Note: I really really hope this isn't as bad as it sounds)


(Author's Note: All pics are taken from outside websites, clicking on the link takes you to the websites that own them, I did NOT take any of the Pronger pictures.)

Epic Pronger is Epic

Epic Pronger: This is Chris Pronger's normal state. It is also known as the state of Awesome. This is because Chris Pronger is more awesome than you could ever dream to be. He didn't mean for it to happen, it just kinda did. You know?

Chris Pronger was just reminded of his awesomeness

Realization: This is the face of Chris Pronger whenever someone reminds him of the fact that he is better than you. He doesn't mean to gloat, but when you're on the level of Chris Pronger, it's unreasonable to not feel superior to all the other people you need to deal with on a daily basis.

Chris Pronger is mildly content, a rare sighting. (Note: he's most likely
thinking "I can't wait to elbow Sidney Crosby")

 Mildly Content: Chris Pronger feels mildly content on occasion. In this case, it's because he elbowed Paul Holmgren into giving him a 7 year 35+ contract with a 4.921 cap hit. Chris Pronger get's a pass though, because he's not a douche or anything, he's just Chris Pronger.

Chris Pronger is sorry, he can't hear you over the sound of
how awesome he is.

Apologetic Pronger: Look, I know you reporters want to interview him, but Chris Pronger's ability to hear questions is sometimes obstructed by the fact that his own awesomeness speaks to him. He's sorry, well not really.

Confusion: Someone just said, 'Chris, you aren't god.' without saying
"just kidding"

Confusion: Chris gets confused when people try to tell that he's not awesome. This is because he doesn't understand why anyone would tell a joke to a 6'6" 230lb guy with elbows that crack skulls frequently. Quite honestly, I don't get it either.

Hey Todd, wipe that smirk off your face before my elbows permanently
remove your face from the rest of your body.

Chris Pronger sometimes has to use violence to make points. This is because sometimes people are unable to comprehend the pure awesome that is Chris Pronger. The beautiful thing about Chris Pronger's elbows is that they leave a permanent impression on your skull like a tattoo. The bad thing, most humans are so unworthy of remembering the exact moment when Chris Pronger touched them that they have memory loss of the incident.

(Editor's Note: Concussions are actually serious business, please get checked if you or someone you know shows symptoms of a concussion. DGS-Cares)

Why yes, I did take those pucks, but we're just gonna act natural.

Guilt: Chris Pronger is not capable of guilt. But he is capable of well, being smug in the face of accusations that may or may not be true. If you know an expert who saw the replay, tell us.

I choose you, to be the victim of my next elbow.

Chris Pronger is an honourable, upstanding, player. He's nice enough, as shown by the above picture, to point out who the next victim of an elbow is going to be. When he does this, players should thank Mr. Pronger for being nice enough to allow them to prepare for a concussion related vacation a long rehab process for brain damage.

Hockey time, the time for awesome.

Chris Pronger is intense, he's probably thinking about elbowing someone in the head. That's how Pronger rolls.

Dear Scott Gomez, the only reason you're not dead right now is
because killing people like you is well, a hate crime. I
am so just gonna embarrass you in the
playoffs instead, Love Pronger.

No need for words, but Scott Gomez is a very brave man for staring certain death in the face. Chris Pronger sent him the letter in the caption.

If you can see Chris Pronger, Chris Pronger can see you,
if you can't see Chris Pronger...

Then it's probably because Chris Pronger is about to set you
up for something called a "Batista Bomb"

Under Chris Pronger's sternum there is not heart, only another elbow that's ready to kill you.

I am fairly sure that I am the 'he'

Chris sadly get's dragged into the world of "he said/she said" with officials. This is because they are incompetent. Chris Pronger would NEVER break any rules. As a matter of fact, Chris Pronger writes the rules.

Why Yes, Chris Pronger is full of win

Full of Win: Chris Pronger is, you, Ben Eager, are not.

Kostitsyn: I'll send my mob friends after you.
Pronger: I elbowed them, they're all dead. They fear my elbows.

And now we know why Kostitsyn looks like he's about to shit himself in this picture.

Chris let him go, wait that's Avery. Chris, pull his head off.

Chris Pronger doing what most people in the world want him to do, remove the head of Sean Avery. Out of curiosity, I doubt that anyone thinks that this is attempted murder.

Angry Pronger, do not go near or elbows shall fly

Angry Pronger: sometimes Chris Pronger gets angry, when he does. Skate away, far away.

Calm Pronger; it's how he relaxes.

When Pronger unwinds after a hard day of throwing elbows to faces of idiots, he calms down and shows his sensitive side. How can anyone ever feel bad about the above person? How can anyone do anything but love the above face of Pronger?



And then when all is said and done:

King Pronger: Lord of the Elbow

NHL Dictionary: Verbs

Something that was recently brought to my attention was the fact that I tend to use certain NHL names as verbs. As a public service to all DGS readers I figured I would compile the list here for all to see.


To Pronger: Using elbows to improve your situation or the situation of a friend.

In a sentence: I Prongered my way through the crowd to get to the front of the line.



To Timonen: to enter a situation knowing that you will come out hurt...and doing it anyway for the greater good

In a Sentence: I Timonened my way out of the mall, carrying all the stuff my mom bought, knowing that the broken back would impress the ladies.



To Giroux: To dazzle someone with something so beautiful and perfect that they have an orgasm

In a sentence: Yeah, my deke on the penalty shot totally Girouxed the puck bunnies.



To Leighton: Screw up something easy because you can't get something closed fast enough

In a sentence: I Leightoned the presentation as work because I kept on talking.



To Sundin: Be unable to make a simple decision because you're afraid of commitment

In a sentence: When I asked my girlfriend to marry me, she decided to Sundin instead of saying Yes or No


To Kaberstay: Stick around at a place even though you aren't wanted because everyone hates you.

In a sentence: Kyle Wellwood Kaberstayed around the buffet waiting for it to be refilled even though no one else was able to eat.


To Pierre-McGuire: Not shut up and only get louder as people want you to stop talking

In a Sentence: Many people in the world hate that Down Goes Spezza, Pierre-McGuire's when talking about the amazing, divine elbows of Christopher Robert Pronger.

Now you know.

Away At a Buffet (Kyle Wellwood's Away in a Manger)

You know, we always wondered what a Wellwood Christmas was like, and thanks to Eric Wellwood for telling us what brother Kyle sings at Christmast.

Away at a buffet
It's all you can eat
Our fatty, Kyle Wellwood, has taken his plate
His mouth starts to water as he walks down the line
Our fatty, Kyle Wellwood, is ready to dine

Away at a buffet
No bib for his chins
Our fatty, Kyle Wellwood, sits down in his seat
The fork in his hand moves up to his mouth
Our fatty, Kyle Wellwood, has begun to eat

Away at a buffet
It's time for seconds
Our fatty, Kyle Wellwood, walks over again
The time slowly passes as he refills his plate
Our fatty, Kyle Wellwood's hunger can't wait

Home now from the buffet
It's time for dessert
Our fatty, Kyle Wellwood, feels his belly hurt
The cake digests slowly as he eats some more
Our fatty, Kyle Wellwood, a fat burger whore

Crosby Starts to Whine and Cry (Angels We Have Heard On High)

Yes that's right, another song parody. (Sing to Angels We Have Heard On High..which means...sing the chorus right in your mind when reading this). Long story short, we're rolling this song because of the Flyers amazing 3-2 victory over the Penguins to end their 12 game winning streak.


"Dive and Cry"

Crosby starts to whine and cry
After someone looks his way
And the ref gives a reply
A minor sends him away

Dive and Cry
Bettman looks the other way
Dive and Cry
Campbell looks the other way

Ovi slewfoots like a douche
After someone turns their back
And Bettman has no clue
Because he is such a quack

Board and spear
Bettman looks the other way
Board and spear
Campbell looks the other way

Subban is a whiny bitch
Always running his big mouth
And now digging his own ditch
Mike Richards will punch him out

Drop the gloves
PK gets what he deserves
Drop the gloves
Midgets cannot save his ass

Patrick likes to sip the wine
Then punch out the cabbie
Something tells me he's not fine
Hangovers are really crappy

Drink the booze
Kane soon will pass out again
Drink the booze
Kane is super drunk again

Win A Date With Down Goes Spezza (sort of)

So as we probably all know, it's been almost 7 months since DGS had a real date. This needs to change, so I'm writing the official DGS-Girlfriend Application. Basically it's what DGS looks for in a woman, if you feel you fit the bill, feel free to either email me or comment and we'll see what happens.




Name:
Age: (If not between 18-30, stop here, you've been DQ'd)
Favorite NHL team: (Note: Fans of the Penguins, Devils, Rangers, Bruins or Red Wings need not apply)
Favorite MLB team: (Note: Fans of the Red Sox, Mets, Braves, Dodgers, Giants, Cubs or Cardinals need not apply)
Favorite NFL team: (Note: Fans of the Patriots, Giants, Redskins, or Tom Brady need not apply)


Complete the following sentences:

Chris Pronger is...

Sidney Crosby is...

Alex Ovechkin is...

Tomas Vokouns is...

Chris Chelios is...

The Better Sedin is...



Yes/No questions.

Answer the following questions with a Yes or No

1. Can you tell the Sedins apart?

2. Do the Habs need to grow?

3. Is Glen Sather an awesome GM?

4. Does Gary Bettman suck?

5. Is Finland awesome?


Multiple Choice
1. In 2010-11 and moving forward from there, Zach Parise looks best on

A. Mike Richards wing
B. Jeff Carter's wing
C. Claude Giroux's wing
D. Danny Briere's wing


2. Sergei Bobrovsky will win

A. The Calder Trophy
B. The Vezina Trophy
C. The Conn Smythe Trophy
D. A Stanley Cup as a Flyer



3. James van Riemsdyk is

A. Expendable
B. Tradeable
C. an MVP waiting to happen
D. Useless


4. If we're on a date and Chris Pronger walks up to us, you will...

A. Tell him to take a picture with me
B. Not stare dreamily at him
C. Make him take a picture with me
D. Smack be back to reality, then take my picture with him, then smack me again.


5. Can I trust Jeff Carter around you?

A. Yes
B. No
C. Of course, we're not married yet
D. WTF?




Essay section, please write one paragraph on ONE of the following topics explaining your opinion.
Martin Brodeur is the best ever, why or why not?

Who's the greatest defenseman of the last 20 years, Chris Pronger or Nick Lidstrom?

Which N. Backstrom is better and why?

Was the Gagne trade worth it?


Mandatory Non-Hockey related question.

What do you think about Cliff Lee? (Please write 3 sentences on this)






To all those who enter, best of luck. DGS will contact you soon.

Deck the Faces! (Jody Shelley)

You know, for all the fights and majors and having a face that looks like it's been pummeled by a hammer, Jody Shelley is one jolly dude around the holidays. Like many before him, he wrote his own* Christmas carol for DGS.



(*- Jody Shelley didn't actually write this, DGS did, but we think that Shelley would approve)



Deck his face with fists of Shelley
Fa la la la la, la la la la
See the replay on the tele
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Drop we now our gloves and helmets
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Now we sit for 5 minutes
Fa la la la la, la la la la

See the magic fists a blazing
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Shelley's fights are amazing
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Follow all his acts of violence
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Then you sit and cry in silence
Fa la la la la, la la la la

Watch him try to shoot on net
Fa la la la la, la la la la

It's something that we'll forget
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Shelley likes to drop his gloves
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Shelley says, "Let's fighting love"

Oh Come All Ye ToskaLOLs

Ever wondered what the NHL is singing around the holidays, yeah, we've been finding out for you. Here's another one.


Oh come all ye grinders
defensemen and enforcers
Oh come ye, oh come ye
To Toskala
Come and score on him
He of the pretend glove hand
Oh come score on ToskaLOL
Oh come score on ToskaLOL
Oh come score on ToskaLOL
He really sucks

Oh come all non-scorers
Kovalchuk and Davison
Oh come ye, oh come ye
To Toskala
Come and score on him
He'll put the puck in his own net
Oh come score on ToskaLOL
Oh come score on ToskaLOL
Oh come score on ToskaLOL
He really sucks

Oh toss all the waffles
With or without syrup
Oh toss them, oh toss them
At Maple Leafs
Come and laugh at them
Because they have no draft picks
Oh come give them a draft pick
Oh come give them a draft pick
Oh come give them a draft pick
Then fire Wilson

Oh trade all ye draft picks
To the Boston Bruins
Oh trade them, oh trade them
For nothing good
Raycroft for Rask
Still makes Leaf fans weep in shame
Oh fuck you JFJ
Oh fuck you JFJ
Oh fuck you JFJ
I hate you.




(Editor's Note: On a slightly more serious note: I feel the need to share this following open letter to Leafs fans because DGS-Cares)


Dear Leafs Nation,

Look, it's not going well right now. It's pretty bad. But if you put down the bottle of Jack Daniel's for a second and read this letter, there is some hope. DGS is psychologist (in training) and he's willing to offer free therapy to any Leafs fan who needs it. Just send your problems to DownGoesSpezza@gmail.com and I'll answer them publicly as part of my "DGS-Cares" campaign. I have a soft spot for you guys because, well, I hate Jason Spezza, and I hate the Habs. So this is my way of saying, Happy Holidays Leafs Nation.

-Down Goes Spezza


PS: Don't worry Flyerdom, you guys are getting your Christmas letter on Christmas Eve.

Silent Night (Flyers Christmas Version)

And they just keep on coming. This time, we talked to Claude Giroux about his favourite Christmas song. He started singing, and this is what we got.


Silent night, shootout night
I am calm, I shoot right
Come skate in on goalie's blocker side
Make my move and never shoot wide
Score on heavenly dekes
Score on heavenly dekes


Silent night, Shootout night
All is calm, my stick is light
This goalie thinks that he has a chance
Nevermind he's just wet his pants
Used my orgasmic deke
Used my orgasmic deke

Silent night, shootout night
Start to skate on ice so white
Unique dekes make goalies sad
And his team feels really bad
Lost the game, has the other team
Lost the game, has the other team

Silent night, shootout night
Cures I have for every plight
Skate on in and deke to score
Oh I know, ya'll want to see more
Blame it on grilled cheese
Blame it on grilled cheese

Salo's Balls (Another Christmas Parody)

Yes it's a third song on my NHL-Christmas list. (Editor's Note: Amy took her hand to writing most of this one)

Shooting at the net, is a man named Duncan Keith
From this shot will come, Salo's hospital fees
Balls on Salo ring
Making Sami cry
What luck it is to nearly die
On the rink tonight

O Salo's balls, Salo's balls
Salo's hurt again
O how bad it is to be
A man with Sami's luck
O Salo's balls, Salo's balls
Salo's hurt again
O how bad it is to be
A man with Sami's luck



Author's Note: I wanted to write a second verse, but Salo got hurt again.

Joy to the Bob

Like my previous post, on Chris Pronger, we're continuing the posts on the Flyers Christmas Carols, today, we're hitting up Sergei Bobrovsky for "Joy to the Bob"

Joy to the Bob, he stopped the puck
His glove received the shot
Let every team
Prepare to lose
And Richards lifts the Cup
And Richards lifts the Cup
And Richards, then Pronger will lift the Cup

Joy to the Bob, the Flyers reign
The puck bounced off his pads
Through shots and screens
The saves were made
And Crosby starts to cry
And Crosby starts to cry
And Crosby will whine and cry

No more soft goals, or five holes unclosed
The fans will never boo
Bob comes to save, the fans are safe
The goalie has been found
The goalie has been found
The goalie, Czar Sergei, has been found

12 Days Of Pronger

Have you ever wondered what carols Flyers fans sing around Christmas? DGS-SuperSpies have found what songs play at team meetings during the holiday season. As a service to Flyers fans everywhere, I've posted the lyrics that the DGS-SuperSpies have found.

(Editor's Note: We're pretty sure this first one isn't a Flyers Carol but rather...well...you'll see)

The 12 Days of Christmas (Chris Pronger mix)

On the 1st day of Christmas Chris Pronger gave to me,
A Stanley Cup Finals victory

On the 2nd day of Christmas Chris Pronger gave to me

2 heads smashing

And a Stanley Cup Finals Victory

On the 3rd day of Christmas Chris Pronger gave to me

3 jokes amazing

2 heads smashing

And a Stanley Cup Finals Victory

On the 4th day of Christmas Chris Pronger gave to me

4 gloves dropping
3 jokes amazing
2 heads smashing
And a Stanley Cup Finals Victory

On the 5th day of Christmas Chris Pronger gave to me

5 vicious spears 

4 gloves dropping

3 jokes amazing

2 heads smashing

And a Stanley Cup Finals Victory

On the 6th day of Christmas Chris Pronger gave to me

6 elbows elbowing

5 vicious spears

4 gloves dropping

3 jokes amazing

2 heads smashing

And a Stanley Cup Finals Victory

On the 7th day of Christmas Chris Pronger gave to me

7 pills a popping

6 elbows elbowing

5 vicious spears

4 gloves dropping

3 jokes amazing

2 heads smashing

And a Stanley Cup Finals Victory

On the 8th day of Christmas Chris Pronger gave to me

8 pucks a stealing

7 pills a popping

6 elbows elbowing

5 vicious spears

4 gloves dropping

3 jokes amazing

2 heads smashing

And a Stanley Cup Finals Victory

On the 9th day of Christmas Chris Pronger gave to me

9 legs a clipping

8 pucks a stealing

7 pills a popping

6 elbows elbowing

5 vicious spears

4 gloves dropping

3 jokes amazing

2 heads smashing

And a Stanley Cup Finals Victory

On the 10th day of Christmas Chris Pronger gave to me

10 sticks a slashing

9 legs a clipping

8 pucks a stealing

7 pills a popping

6 elbows elbowing

5 vicious spears

4 gloves dropping

3 jokes amazing

2 heads smashing

And a Stanley Cup Finals Victory

On the 11th day of Christmas Chris Pronger gave to me

11 skates stomping

10 sticks a slashing

9 legs a clipping

8 pucks a stealing

7 pills a popping

6 elbows elbowing

5 vicious spears

4 gloves dropping

3 jokes amazing

2 heads smashing

And a Stanley Cup Finals Victory

On the 12th day of Christmas Chris Pronger gave to me

12 forwards ducking

11 skates stomping

10 sticks a slashing

9 legs a clipping

8 pucks a stealing

7 pills a popping

6 elbows elbowing

5 vicious spears

4 gloves dropping

3 jokes amazing

2 heads smashing

And a Stanley Cup Finals Victory

Things Other People in the NHL want for Christmas

Yesterday we showed you what the Flyers want for Christmas, well, we also found out what the rest of the NHL wants for Christmas, here's what we found out.


Taylor Hall: To hopefully get a chance to play on an NHL team.

The New Jersey Devils: That the CBA is followed and Kovalchuk's contract is voided.

Brian Burke: Tyler Seguin and a 2011 Lottery pick

Mike Green: Someone who can teach me how to play defense...oh crap, I got Scott Hannan instead

Henrik and Daniel Sedin: A triplet who's identical to us as well

Toronto Maple Leafs Fans: Free therapy from a psychologist...and not Down Goes Spezza

Sheldon Souray: Nothing, I finally got the fuck out of Edmonton

Sidney Crosby: A real wing

Colin Campbell: The ability to use a BlackBerry

Gary Bettman: Expansion to Havana, Mexico City, San Juan, Cairo, and Death Valley...if necessary teams will be removed from Toronto, Detroit, Montreal and Chicago

Don't Trade Vinny: A date with Marty St Louis

What The Flyers Want For Christmas

Hey, it's getting close to Christmas and you know what that means. It's that time where people start making their lists of what they want. Needless to say the DGS SuperSpies were able to get a list of what some of the Flyers want for Christmas. In hopes that the gifts are received by the team, we've posted the list here for you to see.


Chris Pronger: I'm kinda hoping he's asking for me, but more realistically it's probably targets for his elbows to hit.

Peter Laviollette: A working power play unit.

Ville Leino: A new contract.

Claude Giroux: More grilled cheese sandwiches

Daniel Carcillo: That Nikolay Zherdev keeps being Nikolay Zherdev.

Sergei Bobrovsky: Getting a shutout, hopefully in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals

Brian Boucher: Employment, anywhere, just not in Russia

Eric Wellwood: To NOT become Kyle Wellwood

Nikolay Zherdev: Judging by his recent performances, I'd say he would like to learn how to pass

Mike Richards: PK Subban's head on a platter

Jeff Carter: Lisa Hartnell...wait no..sorry...Jeff wouldn't be asking for something he has...Jeff Carter wants the ability to not go high and wide

Scott Hartnell: Lisa Hartnell

Paul Holmgren: The ability to do math.

Darroll Powe: More time hanging out with guys like Max Lapierre.

Power Outage: Reasons the Flyers PP Has Dried Up

It's almost finals week so I'm kinda dead, but that being said, the DGS investigators found us some reasons why the Flyers Powerplay has been powered down.

• When told to mimic dynamic scorers and smooth skaters, they chose Ilya Kovalchuk and Phil Kessell
  
  
• It was eaten by Kyle Wellwood
  
  
• Forwards are too afraid to screen the goalie because of the "Avery Rule"
  
  
• Started feeling bad for embarrassing teams with so many games where they score more than 5 as a team.
  
• Misunderstood Power Play strategy for "Joe Thornton Playoff Strategy"
  
• Wanted to be just like me in NHL 11 on the PP. (No seriously, it's sad)
  
• Didn't realize that scoring while up a man is NOT an example of poor sportsmanship
  
• Sent the PP skill in search of Paul Ranger
  
• Maybe missing a certain forward who found a new home in Tampa...just sayin

DGS Expansion

Dear DGS Readers,

DGS is looking to expand its presence on the internet. What we need to do this is more bloggers. Right now, the DGS team is just Matt and Amy and that works out rather nice. If you're interested in writing about the Flyers email the below application to Down Goes Spezza. The only requirements are being a fan of the Flyers and having a sarcastic side that's willing to poke fun at both the Flyers.


Name:
Location: City, State (or Province) and Country will suffice
Write your own sample DGS post: Use our Sunday Brunch topics as the prompt.

Please send emails by December 12, 2010. We will decide by December 20 at the latest.

Caption Contest 9

It's been a while since we did one of these, from our friends at www.FlyersGoalScoredBy.com is this gem of a pic.

Now look, I'm the He and don't you forget it.