Flyers New Year's Resolutions

Well, the Flyers are out on the Pacific Coast for a little road swing leaving DGS all alone with nothing to do except snoop around in the snow. What I found, was well, interesting. It's a list of the Flyers New Year's Resolutions. In the interest of doing a public service, I'm sharing it with the world.


Jeff Carter: To not get caught up in rumors involving sleeping with the spouses of other players.

Chris Pronger: To only steal things that are actually worth stealing. Fuck that, Pronger's too awesome to resolve to do anything.

Daniel Carcillo: Will hopefully remove Crosby's stache

Darroll Powe: To hopefully prove he's more than just a name

Danny Briere: To live up to his nickname of the "Magical Spearing Midget".

The Spear may be breaking,
but it's legacy lives on.

Claude Giroux: To practice safe deking as fan-related pregnancies are sky-rocketing.

Matt Walker: To get off LTIR. (Hip Surgery free in 2011)

Mike Richards: Break up with Pierre McGuire.

Sergei Bobrovsky: Bob.

Nikolay Zherdev: To become the first 40 goal scorer, without tallying double digit assists.

Michael Leighton: Well, it was going to be close the 5-hole, but given the state of things, he'll just settle to use the 5-hole in a live action game with the Flyers.

Brian Boucher: To learn Russian in hopes that it adds to the "List of Reasons to Keep Boosh Over Leights."

Scott Hartnell: To fall down less. (Okay, who is he kidding - to grow his hair back.)

Ville Leino: To help Homer clear cap space to sign him. (Collateral Damage may include Michael Leighton getting hurt again)

Jody Shelley: To score goals - that's what he's here for, duh!

Yes that's Jody Shelley, no, there
was no Photoshopping here.

Andreas Nodl: To crack into double digits in goals. He's grateful for whatever he gets, because Noodle Power keeps Philly running.

Blair Betts: To win more face-offs. To get noticed by someone.

Ian Laperriere: To teach the Phantoms heart - he has enough for all of them anyway.

James van Riemsdyk: To not take naps when the Eagles are completing a miraculous comeback. 

Kimmo Timonen: To construct a helmet that looks like a Viking helment because it would look cool, because Kimmo's our little Viking warrior. 

Viking Kimmo: Now you know his dirty secret.

Braydon Coburn: It seems vain, but he's looking to have a beak reduction so he can see the goal better when he shoots. 

Matt Carle: To prove he can look good without Pronger by his side. Because well, ya know Pronger's elbows are just so ugly....

Andrej Meszaros: To continue playing the way he did in Ottawa, not the way he did in Tampa. 

Oskars Bartulis: To find subtle ways to keep defensemen out of the line up so he can play. 

Sean O'Donnell: People who look like John LeClair are exempt from making resolutions. 

Peter Laviolette: To find an effective gum holder so he can yell at referees. (We personally recommend using the gum to hold Matt Walker's hips together)