The Ballad of Scott Hartnell

The Ballad of Scott Hartnell
(Parody of “She’s Always a Woman to Me” by Billy Joel)

(Written by PhillyGirl1437) 

He could kill with his hair
He could smother with his beard
After the finals Yukon Cornelius disappeared

And he only reveals the scruff he wants you to see
He gave his hair to a child,
But he's always a Fraggle to me

He can drive you to drink
Comfort if your wife were to leave you

You can ask for a goal
But he'll often mislead you
But he'll give all he’s got, as long as you’ll see

That he skates like a drunk                   
But he’s always a Fraggle to me

Oh—he takes spills on the ice
On command if he wants
He's just that kind of guy
Oh—the brakes are always out
But he never gives in
He just multitasks from his ass

And he'll promise you more
Than the bonehead penalties
Then he'll carelessly bite you
And laugh while you're bleedin'
But he'll bring out the best
That Ville and Danny can be

Blame it all on yourself
Cause he’s always a Fraggle to me

Oh—he takes spills on the ice
On command if he wants
He's just that kind of guy
Oh—the brakes are always out
But he never gives in
He just multitasks from his ass

He is frequently good
And he's suddenly bad
He can do as he pleases
He's everybody’s fool
But he can't be sent packing
He's earned his no-trade
And the most he will do
Is throw punches at you
But he’s always a Fraggle to me