Fan vs Fan

Thursday, December 23, 2010

The Real Chuck Norris Facts

You know, there's a lot of facts about some Chuck Norris dude floating around the internet these days. I mean, there's a whole website dedicated them. But in the interest of doing a public service I feel the need to share with you the true Chuck Norris facts.

  • Chuck Norris keeps a beard to protect himself from the destructive force of a Chris Pronger elbow.
  • Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with 10,000 women in his life, Chuck Norris calls this a slow Tuesday and Chris Pronger calls this "the 2nd intermission".
  • Chuck Norris can impregnate a woman by pointing at her and saying "boo yah", Claude Giroux can pregnate an entire arena of women by deking and Chris Pronger can impregnate men with this face.
  • Chuck Norris uses the roundhouse kick as a tribute to the Pronger ankle stomp.
  • Chris Pronger elbowed the doctor who slapped him after he was born.
  • Scott Hartnell falls down out of fear of Chuck Norris. (Hartnell DOWN!)
  • There is no 3rd fist under Chuck Norris's beard, rather there is a black hole left by the fact that Chris Pronger elbowed him in the face.
  • The Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris checks his closet for Chris Pronger.
  • Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris. Chris Pronger just elbows the dark out of his bedroom.
  • There is no such thing as evolution, only species who haven't died from the elbows of Chris Pronger.
  • Montreal riots after wins to hide the damage caused by Chris Pronger's elbows.
  • The Capitals coughed up there 3 games to 1 lead against Montreal last season because none of the Capitals wanted to face Chris Pronger's elbows. (Editor's Note: Penguins, Devils and Bruins also rolled over against the Habs or Flyers for the same reason)
  • Michael Leighton stopped sucking because he didn't have to face Pronger's elbows.
  • Chris Pronger's elbows are registered as weapons of mass destruction.
  • Chris Pronger's elbows making contact with your jaw actually impart intense feelings of pleasure onto the receiver, sadly, the ensuing orgasm causes the receiver's brain to explode rendering this person unable to feel anything ever again.
  • Chris Pronger does NOT sleep, he merely closes his eyes and admires his elbows from within.
  • Chris Pronger does NOT take penalties, the referee sometimes need to take Pronger off the ice to kep the heat of his elbows from melting the ice.
  • Canada fought in World War II, the "atomic bombs" were actually Chris Pronger's left and right elbows unleashed on Japan.
  • Chuck Norris named his legs "Law" and "Order", Chris Pronger does not name his elbows because any name would be an understatement of their awesomeness.
  • The "phrase" break a leg came up in show biz because a broken leg was the least painful injury that someone could suffer if they forgot their line while working with Chris Pronger.
  • Chris Pronger has no heart, only a third elbow.
  • The laws of physics do NOT apply to Chris Pronger's elbows.
  • Pompeii once said that Wade Redden was better than Chris Pronger...the next day Chris Pronger elbowed Mount Vesuvius.
  • Chris Pronger didn't steal the pucks, the pucks wanted to be elbowed. 

So, feel free to add your own in the comments section.

1 comment:

  1. Pronger's favorite pasta:

    Paul D