Fan vs Fan

Friday, April 8, 2011

Team Phobias in the Playoffs

We all know that hockey players are a superstitious bunch. They love their rituals like playoff beards, not saying that word that's apparently constantly said in Flyerdom etc... Anyway teams also have phobias for the playoffs as well. Being that DGS lives around hockey, and has the DGS-SuperSpies always watching, I've obtained a list of phobias that some players or teams have going into this post season.

The Vancouver Canucks fear:
Chelsea Dagger, Patrick Kane, Chelsea Dagger, Patrick Sharp, Chelsea Dagger, Jonathan Toews (and the fact that he's freaking creepy as hell), Chelsea Dagger, The Chicago Blackhawks, Chelsea Dagger, games in the United Center, Chelsea Dagger.

The San Jose Sharks fear:
Joe Thornton seeing a calendar

The Philadelphia Flyers fear:
Michael Leighton's god damn 5 hole being involved in a game, going on the Powerplay, having a playoff caliber goaile, Mike Richards being nice to the media after a loss, Nikolay Zherdev playing 'defense'.

The Chicago Blackhawks fear:
Patrick Kane in a bar, Jonathan Toews being exposed as a Vulcan Android, John Scott seeing ice time.

The Pittsburgh Penguins fear:
Brent Johnson thinking that his teammates play for NYI when Pens wear the blue sweaters, Matt Cooke missing a blindside hit on an opponent and taking out a teammate, being exposed as an AHL team without Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin

The Montreal Canadiens fear:
Tall people, stanchions, Zdeno Chara, nothing at all because someone's burning that city down.

The Boston Bruins fear:
Zdeno Chara's impending arrest in Montreal, Short people, leads involving the number 3

The Washington Capitals fear:
The first round of the playoffs, someone taking ice cream away from Boudreau, not being able to grab their sack.

The Detroit Red Wings fear:
Youth, Missing Nap Time, cuts to Social Security payouts.

The Anaheim Ducks fear:
Teemu Selanne remembering his age, Corey Perry deciding that he's bored with being awesome, Ryan Getzlaf growing hair.

The Phoenix Coyotes fear:
Being noticed, Losing BizNasty's twitter account again because without it- no one knows they exist.

The LA Kings fear:
Puns involving Jonathan Quick, Jarrett Stoll being switched for Jared Staal

The Tampa Bay Lighting fear:
Karma for the Matt Walker deal, Rick Tocchet and Brian Lawton returning, Dwayne Roloson forgetting to drink from the Fountain Of Youth every day, Steve Downie remembering he's Steve Downie, Steven Stamkos deciding that Joe Thornton is his playoff idol.

The Nashville Predators fear:
Carrie Underwood pulling Mike Fisher-Underwood off the team to help with her music career, Barry Trotz growing a neck, Shea Weber hitting a teammate with a slapshot, Ryan Suter becoming Ron Sutter.

1 comment:

  1. Leads involving the number 3- BEST JOKE EVER!